This morning’s Bikram yoga class was not about starting, it was about stopping. Standing head to knee is still my nemesis pose. “Lock your left leg and reach down and pick up your right foot”, instructs the teacher. I reach down, fall sideways, straighten up, reach down again and this time I grab it. I’m holding on for dear life while the rest of the class is straightening their right leg “so it looks like an “L” like Linda.” (I find it I ironic that my name is part of the dialogue in the pose that I cannot do). I used to be able to do this pose, and most of the time, hold it for the full count. Once my legs began developing actual muscles in Koko Fit Club, just bending over and grabbing my foot in my hands has become nearly impossible.
I fall out of the pose two more times. Maybe I should just sit down because all of this grabbing and falling out in this heat is zapping my energy. While reaching down for my left foot, I’m still picturing myself stopping and sitting down. Stopping sounds good. Sitting sounds wonderful. Then I think about having to get back up. That doesn’t sound so great. (By now we are into the second set and I’m still grabbing, wobbling, and falling out.) I remember how it feels to stand back up and re-enter the pose after sitting for a few moments. Usually I get dizzy and have to sit back down again. I came to the realization that stopping is not the answer. It makes me feel worse and it’s definitely too hard to get back up. It takes a lot more effort than it takes to remain standing and keep trying. (By now the pose is over and I made it through without stopping.)
When I’m illustrating, if I don’t move to the next page for a few days, it becomes hard to get back in the chair and begin the next sketch.
If I’m shoveling clam shells and take a water break on the patio, it becomes hard to push up out of that chair and pick up the shovel again.
If I’m cleaning the house and stop for coffee and a snack, it becomes hard to pick up that vacuum again.
When I was teaching school it was way easier to go to school sick, than to write plans for someone else to teach.
When I did stay home sick for a few days, it was hard to leave that couch, get dressed and get back to work.
Stopping. Maybe in my mind it means a break, but it’s a cruel trick because starting again after stopping is harder than just seeing it through. When I don’t let my mind get the best of me and trick me into limiting myself, I accomplish things I never thought possible.
When have you “stopped” and found it hard to get going again? Do you think you could’ve pushed through?
And so, as another day goes by, I need to rethink stopping as an option when things get too difficult, and…I have written.
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