I knew it was going to happen. I even speculated it might happen this very weekend, and, even still, knowing didn’t diminish the way it grabbed my heart and stole my words (at least all my intelligent ones).
Last night my first born got engaged. Even now, writing that sentence makes my heart bump a beat or two. My husband, my Boston daughter, and I were texting in a group message in which my NY daughter was included, but not participating. We were talking about other things while this engaging was taking place. NY daughter saw us talking and decided this would be a great way to break the news to us. She enters the text with: “If you guys are still awake, I have news”. Then she makes her big announcement. My heart was in my throat. I couldn’t think or speak, but I knew I had to answer, so I quickly type: “Really? Yahoo!!!!” My husband and Boston daughter come back with things like “Congratulations! We love you! So happy for the both of you!” Then Boston daughter says PS- I screen-shot that – because Mom’s text was like you said we’re having pizza for dinner. This is good maid of honor material!” I eventually got myself together and texted the lucky guy, welcoming him to the family, and then I sent both of them a nice quote.
Upon awakening this morning I remembered the big event of the evening before. I also remembered my daughter’s birth, her first day of kindergarten, her high school prom, her college graduation, and now, probably the biggest milestone year of her life – the year she REALLY does leave and make a whole new home of her own. The lucky boy, Steve, is a truly wonderful guy. He makes my daughter shine in a way I’ve never seen before. It is with a happy heart that give her to him to share her life with. This moment brings me back to a blog I wrote over three years ago. This, my dear daughter, is how I feel about these days of your life:
The First Day of School
~Written January 5, 2011 – Shared today, June 28, 2013 in honor of my daughter, Erin~
Today I miss teaching more than ever. I walked into yoga and my instructor was really anxious about her first child starting school. I told her (as a kindergarten teacher of 35 years) that both she and her son would be okay. I said I’ve known you and your child for over thirty years and there wasn’t a one of you that wasn’t okay.
The first day of school is a most painful experience for moms. You hand them their lunchbox, put them on the bus, go in the house and your heart is in pieces all over the livingroom. As you pick up the pieces you cry and tell yourself this is right and necessary. They’ve got to go out there and do it on their own. You’re confident you’ve given them all you had and they can now deal with life beyond your backyard. All you can do all day until that bus pulls back up at three o’clock is pray and ask that an angel be on their shoulder.
The next “first day” that rips your heart out is leaving them at college. Now you’ve had 18 years to give them all you’ve got to survive in the adult world, and you have to believe you emptied the attic, the basement, and every closet. This time they’re not coming home at 3 o’clock and you’ve got alot of nights to sit up and pray that that same angel lives in that dorm room with them. Once again, when you get home, your heart is in pieces, not only all over the livingroom, but down the hall and into their bedroom, and in the diningroom where their pictures are hung, and in the bathroom where you find the wet towel on the floor that they used that morning. No one but a mother understands an empty house with pieces of her children all over it mixed with the pieces of her heart.
And just when we think they are sinking out there in the world, being tossed about on an angry sea and you want to rush to save them, you look up and there they are, flying steady and strong on their own.
Only a mom’s heart knows the hardest part of love is letting go……
If you are a mom reading this, please go download The Hardest Part of Love by Jane Olivor, grab a box of tissues and sit down and cry with me. We will all be okay.
And so, as another day goes by, my beautiful girls are flying strong, and …I have written.
Now go, my beautiful girl, and soar into your new life.
And so, as this very important day goes by, can’t wait to celebrate this weekend with our “new” family, I love you both, and… I have written.
Congratulations to you all! What a happy day!
This is so lovely Linda!!! Had me in tears by the second paragraph!! Delighted for you and your special family. CAN’T wait to hear about every detail and share your more of your joy.