Today I went to the gym here in NY and then went to the corner coffee shop I always frequented after working out. I pulled in and it was no longer a coffee shop. It was a restaurant. I felt a moment of sadness that there wasn’t a cool corner coffee shop around here anymore. Then I promptly drove home to make tea and have a biscuit instead.
My thoughts turned to change. All my life I held tight to every good thing or person I had. So deathly afraid of loss, I tried desperately to try to preserve the precious good I did have. Recently I’ve learned to relax my tight grip. I loosened the tightly clenched fingers and relaxed the white knuckles. Trying to keep anything from changing is futile. All matter is made up of molecules which are constantly moving and bumping into each other. Solid, liquid, or gas the molecules move and change. The whole world and all things in it are constantly moving and changing even if the movement is not visible to the naked eye. Our things tear, wear out, and get old right before our very eyes. All living things are made up of cells. Cells are constantly dying and being replaced in all people, animals, and plants. How silly of us to think that we could ever stop any of this movement and preserve it forever.
Instead of focusing on preserving or not losing these two precious days with our loved ones, let us focus on simply enjoying them. Every year around the family holiday dinner table will be different. Babies will be born and people will pass away. Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go. Each year will be new and exciting in itself. I have reframed change. I now view it as an adventure. I embrace the anticipation of a road not yet traveled. I await what’s around the bend much the way children await Santa Claus. I no longer beg time to stand still. I anxiously await the new things time will bring me in 2014.
Every year in these last two weeks of the present year ideas for “resolutions” pop up. Last week my workouts pointed out my need to become more focused. My new job pointed out the need to let my writing pattern and my return to Bikram settle and rearrange themselves around my new routine, gently, without force.. Today number three popped up. I feel that in this new year I want to remember to keep my fingers relaxed and let the ebb and flow of life pass through my hands as I feel and enjoy every minute without feeling the weight of sadness of loss. In these last few days of the year I usually repeat the “resolutions” by listing them at the bottom of my posts so I can memorize them as new ones pop up.
What are your thoughts about change as 2014 looms closer? Can you get excited about the unknown? Can you anticipate change with excitement and a sense of adventure? Perhaps your children are grown and are in college. Or maybe you have or are anticipating a new baby. Maybe for the first time your children won’t be home for Xmas and you and your hubby will make new holiday memories. Perhaps people that you loved left this earth this year and that will rearrange your family. Maybe you’re getting married in 2014 and are anticipating building a whole new life. Or maybe you made a decision to move to a new place or take a new job. And the list of changes goes on. Whatever your avenue of “new” may be, tonight, be the child looking forward to tomorrow morning as you anticipate 2014.
And so, as another Xmas eve quietly slips by, let the wonder of change just happen, with relaxed fingers and open hearts and minds, and …I have written.
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