Thought For Today in the Cape Cod Times:
“If you board the wrong train, it’s no use running along the corridor in the other direction.”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The train wisdom is running ramped this week. The whistle of this quote got my attention. It’s so true. When in a difficult situation with a loved one, apologize and get off the train. Don’t keep re-apologizing. When you’ve done all you can possibly do, when you’ve given it your best shot, get off the train. Sit quietly until one comes that’s going in the right direction. Get on it. Settle in and try to enjoy the ride. The first hundred miles may be difficult. Different. Then one day you look out the window and the scenery has changed. It’s nice. As the train pulls into the station, pick up your bag and realize you’re home.
Relationships, the ones that matter, are never easy. You don’t have to give up or throw the in the towel. But you don’t have to exhaust yourself fighting, either. Yesterday I cited a quote about leaving the relationship broken instead of hurting yourself trying to put it back together. Leaving it broken doesn’t mean giving up, either. It’s the same principle.
If you get on a train going in the opposite direction, and you’re being kind to yourself by not trying to fix it, how is that not giving up? That was my question for a long, long, time. It was a major factor inhibiting acceptance and letting go because these are things I would acquaint with giving up. I’ve learned since that this is not the case. Stopping the battle and taking time to heal and be kind to yourself is not giving up. Throughout the healing process I never allowed my heart to harden and close. I never became bitter. I never closed and locked the doors. That would be hurting myself further.
I’ve learned to be more tolerant and compassionate. I’ve learned to take myself out of the story. I’ve learned a lot about mutual respect and spontaneity. I morphed into a new and better person on the train ride. I left the shards of glass on the ground, knowing I was not able to clean them up without bleeding. I’ve learned to wait until people come back on their own and offer to help clean them up.
Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. Either way, I stay open. That way I’m never wrong and life is peaceful and less anxious.
And so, as another day goes by, it’s been a hell of a ride, but the station is in sight, and…I have written.
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