My August road has been paved with new and deeper ways of looking at control, acceptance and letting go. Dan McCullough writes an Ideas & Opinion column every Sunday in the Cape Cod Times. I always enjoy it because it’s totally different from the political ones covering the editorial pages.
This Sunday was of particular interest because he wrote about being in a difficult situation with a loved one. A friend came to him for advice about a difficulty he was having with an adult family member. Before Dan could reply, his friend said, “But I’m not going to change him, that’s just his way. It’s not good or bad. It’s just his way.”
Dan agreed and told him he was engaged in a healthy way of thinking. Then he told him something that made me stop and pause and ponder. He said:
“Once we know that a person close to us has certain personality traits, we’re responsible for that knowledge. You can’t get into a conversation or the dynamic of a situation with him, and then act surprised we he begins to act perfectly like himself – the self you know and love.”
I really like the part about accepting responsibility for that knowledge. Without accepting responsibility for their actions, we can accept responsibility for knowing them well. For knowing how they react in certain situations. Knowing this, we shouldn’t expect different results and then criticize them for it. He went on to compare it with an old country song by Terri Sharp; You Can’t Blame The Train:
“When the gates are all down and the signals are flashin’ and the whistle is screamin’ in vain,
And you stay on the tracks, ignorin’ the facts,
Well then you can’t blame the wreck on the train.”
Just a new lens to view difficult situations with people we’re close to, know well and love. It’s about accepting their way. Realizing you’re not going to change them. Asking yourself, “What did you expect?” and being okay with the answer.
And so, as another day goes by, there’s power in letting go and accepting our loved ones for who they are, and…I have written.
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