I read a lot of quotes. I mean a lot – between Facebook and twitter and my daily meditations, a lot of smart things, said by wise people, cross my desk each day. I often thought to myself, “Someday I’m going to say something smart and wise and quote myself”. It finally happened and took me by surprise.
Yesterday’s post quoted part of a journal entry that I wrote 31 years ago. In it were two sentences separated by a bible verse notation. I really loved what the second sentence said, but was confused because I would never annotate a quote at the beginning of it. So I looked up the verse. It turned out the first sentence was the bible verse, followed by the annotation, and the second sentence that I loved, were my very own words. In prayer, I said to God:
“I may cry and wince when you bend me, but I don’t mind it. I know you won’t break me. You’ll bend me into a position where I’ll be more durable.”
I actually thought that was a bible verse, but it was my own brave prayer, uttered so many years ago when I was asking God to change my life. I’m astounded at my bravery. “I know you won’t break me.” Such profound trust in an unseen God. A trust I never questioned; like when you fall down backwards and trust someone to catch you. Once you give in to the fall, you have no more control. You have to trust the person will catch you. 31 years ago I placed myself in God’s hands and trusted that no matter how hard he bent me over the years, I just knew he wouldn’t break me. I just trusted he was making me more durable. Today I guess I stand in awe of my own faith, as well as in awe of the God I put my trust in all those years ago.
One year ago I was damaged goods. So crushed and broken that I thought I’d never feel or see my old self again. I remember writing a post in this blog about how I could see my “old, happy, optimistic, self” behind a glass, but couldn’t get to me. Once again, God used events in my life to bend me to the point of breaking. But I didn’t break. Instead, I learned things about myself that I know are going to be essential in the future. I’m
wiser and stronger than I have ever been in my entire life. God put me through many times of intense bending in my 58 years, but never one as close to snapping, both physically and mentally, as this one. It was my first traumatic loss. It was the first time I’ve ever had my heart broken. There is a difference between a bruised heart and broken one. This one is/was (rebuilding takes time) in pieces on the floor, as opposed to just a scratch or a deep dent. God has given me a near perfect life, but I guess he figured it’s time the Pollyanna days were over. There were, as Jeremiah 33:3 says, some “great and unsearchable truths” that I did not know and He had to teach me that will be my armor for whatever is coming next.
Just as He did 31 one years ago, that same God transformed me from damaged goods to durable goods.
And so, as another day goes by, my friend Shirley, who is in LA for Bikram teacher training learning “great and unsearchable truths” of her own, posted something today that hit me hard and I’m sharing it below, and….I have written.
This quote was a jaw dropper for me,thankyou shirley