Needs Nothing

April 14th, 2012

I still can’t believe I’m called back to Ecclesiastes 1:7….
“God does not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but one of power, love, and self-discipline.”

I even removed it from the wall paper on my phone, thinking I no longer needed to read it a hundred times a day – and I guess I don’t, because it’s engraved on my brain now. During the weeks I needed it, I thought and wrote about power and self-discipline. I kept waiting for the day I’d feel compelled to write about love. The day never came, the verse was cast aside, and I’ve replaced it with the lists defining fear and love. I repeat the the list about love daily, because a real change has taken place within me this week as I finally let go of that hideous monster, fear.

So now what do I find my meditative thoughts centered on? LOVE. The third thing in the verse that I thought I was never going to be called to reflect on. Get this: I actually thought I was never drawn to write about love because it’s something I knew all there is to know about it. Yes, Lord, I’d think, there’s no more I can learn about love. How wrong I was. It turns out “all about love” was the key I needed to be able to let go of fear. Never underestimate the power of God. I’m beginning to see why he won’t let me be his personal assistant.

The last characteristic in the list about what love involves is: needs nothing. How many times do we do or say things to someone we love, just to get a response from them? And when we get that response, it makes us feel better and we go on our merry way. Of course, we do this unintentionally. We think we are helping someone when in all actuality, we are helping ourselves. We are assuaging that “needs everything” part of fear. When we realize this, it looks ugly. That’s because fear, and all that comes with it, is ugly.

Whereas love needs nothing. When you truly love someone, you do not have to keep doing and saying things to reassure yourself that you are loved back. You just sit quietly and know it, releasing the fear that destroys love and relationships. When it is said that love is unselfish, we sometimes think that means giving, and doing, and buying, etc., when in all actuality that is just reassuring ourselves, making ourselves feel better. Being unselfish in love, means doing nothing. Yes, giving and doing for others makes us feel good, but we must be ever mindful of the spirit. Jumping in out of need and helping out IS love, but giving and giving and giving that makes us feel good can quickly act like a drug. Our heartfelt giving quickly turns into heartfelt needing, without us ever knowing, until it’s too late. What may have started off as love, is now fear. Fear of loss. That’s when God grabs us by the collar, stops us dead in our tracks, and says “Whoa! What ARE you doing?”

Many times this is caused by a traumatic loss in our lives. For me, it was the passing of my mom. That event, one I have feared since I was a child, caused me to need everything from everyone who was still left in my life. All the “helping” I was so sincerely doing, was, in reality, just squeezing the people I have left tighter, so I wouldn’t ever again experience loss. Until I lost again…big…but not to death. This time I “loved” someone so much out of fear of losing them, that I lost them. That is how God grabbed me by the shirt collar and began to teach me about love and the harsh realities of fear.

The fears of our childhoods can manifest in our adult lives, taking us by complete surprise. We are then called to face undeniable truths and begin the process of dealing with them once and for all so fear does not rule our existence, because…
“God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but one of power, LOVE, and self-discipline.”
So few words, so much truth.

And so, as another day goes by, it’s all about the journey, and…I have written.