Important things need to be revisited, sometimes over and over.
Resetting the Compass – Day 13
There are concepts I have learned well – in my head. I can recite them, I can use them to help others, but I still can’t apply them effortlessly. This year, I can already see, is more about applying old concepts than learning new ones. I will probably revisit, in this blog, many things that I learned last year, but in a new way.
For example, a huge one for me is to stop trying so hard. Stop trying to either make things happen or stop them from happening. Last year I spent quite a bit of time learning to yield to the natural movement of the universe. Learning to let go. Learning to let God. This year, if I don’t keep careful track of myself, I find myself receding back into my old ways. Getting out of the boat, walking on water, keeping my eyes on the horizon, and trusting God to move things along without me doing a thing, is something I still need to go to school for. I don’t know how to walk on water, but I do know how to walk and I do know how to get out of a boat, so I’ll do what I know how to do and trust God for the rest. This year I will just give Him what I have and let Him work with it.
Today I got home, arms full of packages, and was struggling to unlock the door. The harder I tried to juggle that lock, the more stubborn it was. The door was open, but the key just wouldn’t come out of the lock. I pushed the door open, put down the packages, and tugged gently and slowly and the key just slid out as if it had never been stuck at all.
I carry around so much inside me and find myself kicking, pushing, and juggling, to get in the door and set it all down on the counter. The quicker I can set it down, the quicker I’ll feel better. This year I need to relax. I need to let some stuff just stay inside of me until it’s the right time to set it down. Being a type-A personality, not having all my ducks in a row, and knowing all’s right in my world before I can relax, is just not realistic. Believe it or not, this is the first time I’ve ever made that connection. It isn’t realistic. What is realistic is to take it easy and let some things lie dormant until the time is right for resolution – and be okay with that. Ah..that is the crux of the lesson – and be okay with that. Last year I could force myself to be still and not try to do anything to resolve anything, but I was far from being okay with that.
This year the compass still points to “easy does it”, but moves a bit further to “and do it easily”.
And so, as another day goes by, I move to a new level stillness, and….I have written.
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