Resetting the compass – Day 6
“When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.”
~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
Due to living in Cape Cod, I never see my teaching colleagues much anymore. No, I shouldn’t blame geography. I do remember resolving to keep in touch and connect with them often whenever I’m back in NY. Over the last year that is another thing that used to be important to me that got lost in my emotional shuffle. I remember being here in NY many times over the past 12 months and thinking about getting in touch with my oldest and best friends – but I would often think of it on my way out of town. The few times I did think of it while I was in town, it was just too much effort. Life was too much effort. It was all I could do to drive myself here for the things I needed to be here for. (And I remember crying non-stop the whole four drive here – a dangerous thing as tears make for blurred vision.)
Last week I surprised myself. I sat right down and wrote to my two closest teacher friends and let them know I was coming to town and wanted to see them. Barb and Mary Jo were my first friends in kindergarten after teaching fourth grade for twelve years. We taught together for some 10 to 20 years. The date materialized and today we had a three hour lunch at one of our favorite haunts. The long catching up session reminded me of the things and people I miss from my past life in this town. Instead of feeling sad, for the first time in a long time the nostalgic feelings energized me. I listened to their lives since retirement and they listened about mine. They asked questions and suddenly I had a lot to say. As I listened to myself talk, feelings of gratitude began hovering over me. I had a life. I do a lot of things.
Sometimes when we are consumed by the details that carry us through our day, we lose sight of the big picture. I tend to pick a small part of something and obsess over it until it covers the big picture. Today, it was not until I was asked about my life after retirement, that the big picture came back into focus. For the first time in over a year the thought of going back to my “cape life” was not exhausting and filled with “have tos”. After leaving my friends I immediately emailed my hospice supervisor and accepted the new patient she had for me. My first board meeting for CC Writers is Monday night. Next I have lunch with a friend, a bloggers meeting, and Writers Night Out coming up next week. Today, reconnecting with my past helped reset the compass for the future. My “have tos” have morphed into “get tos”. A few more of those loose screws in my head have been sufficiently tightened.
And so, as another day goes by, today I felt the first heartbeats of the healthy, enthusiastic, positive person I used to be, and….I have written.
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