Most exercise programs, and just going to the gym in general were always prefaced with an inventory, leading to a choice. Was I tired? Do I ache from the day before? Tomorrow is going to be a tough day. I’ve got a lot to do. And, after all that kind of stuff there was still only a 50/50 chance I’d actually exercise.
Bikram yoga is different. There’s no inventory. I go whether I’m tired, sick, achy, overwhelmed, etc. I found it’s precisely all of those times I should go. Like today. I have to drive to NY this afternoon and I was tempted to skip it and just leave early, thinking of being tired for my drive later on. But I went, just like I do every morning, with an open mind and no expectations. As I turned off the tv I thought, just go, and be open, and off I went.
I get there and I couldn’t believe it. That same teacher I had all week was still there. Ok. Just go, and be open, I kept telling myself. It was a very slow class, lots of talking and listening. Him talking, on and on between poses, and me listening – with a few impatient moments of seething. I so wanted to just focus in the mirror or on the ceiling during savsana, and send my mind elsewhere, but I couldn’t. I had to stay present in the class because he gives you no clues on when to get in and out of the poses.
As you can see, this guy posed a struggle and a challenge for me for two weeks now. And the only message that floats through my mind still is: LISTEN. Then…on my drive to NY this afternoon, I was suddenly plunged into the pain and hurt of an old situation still unresolved. After about a hundred miles of this – the a..ha moment…..LISTEN to yourself!
Wow! That was a revelation. Listen to you feel sorry for yourself. Is this about you and your feelings? Absolutely not! Just last night God asked if I was sure I was ready to move on to the next phase. I assured Him my training was complete, sat there nodding my head, and promptly fell backward today. The only difference is now I know how to not be consumed by my own hurt and dive into the “poor me” mode.
This is perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned on this journey. We are put on this earth to serve and help other people, not ourselves. God has challenged me to put myself aside, and do what’s best for the other person. Then He told me what’s best – LISTEN. Listen to Him – stop begging, listen to the other person – heart to heart, listen to those around me – God speaks through others, listen in the yoga class to the infuriating boy…
….LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN. Can you tell I’m sufficiently challenged?
And so, as another day goes by, I arrived in NY and wine under the banana plants (long story for another blog) takes the edge off, and…I have written.
When the banana plants start speaking to me, I’ll know it’s time for bed! 🙂
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