The Physical One:
First piece of good news is that there haven’t been any heart attacks.
Stats:
2010- one year ago
Last time on elliptical at gym:
Time: 45 min Strides: 5000 Calories: 402
One year ago I left the gym and totally did Bikram yoga 4 to 5 times per week. This weekend I was in NY and decided to join my husband at the gym. Bikram yoga is supposed to keep your heart healthy and I thought I would test out that theory by doing my old workout on the elliptical and comparing the stats. I also remembered how hard it was to finish the workout, how much my knees would hurt, and how I could hardly climb off the machine to get the towel to wipe it down.
I am happy to report that I was pleasantly surprised by how easy the workout was. I did the interval program and my heart would go up to around to 158 after two minutes on the high level, and return to 128 during the two minutes on the low level. I recall the stats from a year ago : on high level my heart would go to 164 and I’d be really out of breath, and during the two minutes on the low level it would only fall to 138. I think the yoga definitely strengthened my heart over the course of the year. The workout was much easier, I hopped off with more energy and no pain to get the towel, but I sweated ten times more than a year ago.
Elliptical stats:
2011
Time: 45 min Strides: 5862 Calories: 403
I can only conclude that the yoga gave me a good cardio workout everyday and actually strengthened my heart.
The Other Heart – the one a Mack truck drove through
October of 2010:
Disguised as fine and perfectly intact – little did I know that I had repressed grieving over my Mom’s passing and my heart was slowly imploding.
January of 2011:
More losses and the heart completely disintegrated. Laid in pieces all over the floor. I sat in a chair for three months just looking at the pieces. I had no energy to get up and start picking up the pieces. Along about March, I got up. I went outside and walked down the road. I picked up the first piece. Cried so hard I threw it back down and returned back to the chair. I tried it again the next day and this time I brought the piece back to the chair with me. And so it went everyday until May. I’d bring the pieces back from my walk and pile them up next to my chair. By the end of May I had the courage to start assembling them. My hands shook as I taped the crinkled pieces together. By the end of July the heart was reassembled, but could tear easily.
October 2011:
The heart is intact and even beating again. It stops at times, thinking a piece or two might be loose, but then starts up again. 2011 has been hard on this old heart. Three months left to get it totally fixed and in top running condition to take on 2012.
I’m one year older and ten years wiser with what I have learned reassembling my heart this year. I have no intention of ever going down this road again. I made it without drugs or therapy. I made it with the love and support of family and friends who understood I was not myself, having a rough time, and stayed close by me anyway. For the first time in my whole 58 years, I was beaten, broken, and brought to my knees. I now understand depression. I now understand loss. I now understand the free fall and panic of having the rug pulled out from under you. I understand emotional prison.
But I now also understand what it means not to give up – ever. I now understand the length, depth, and breath of God’s love. I now understand the real power of prayer. I understand faith. I understand hope. I know love.
And so, as another day goes by, the hurricane stilled, the clouds linger, but there is breaking light on the horizon, and…I have written.
I took this photo this morning as I was leaving NY. I was driving to the NY Thruway, a piece of that heart started coming loose, and I asked God for a sign it would all be okay. I came down the hill, turned the corner and there it was ….
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