In Bikram yoga we are constantly told to "trust in the process". We go through the poses each day and while we may not feel the medical benefits while we're in them, after consistent practice, many things in our bodies will grow, change, and heal almost magically. The bad knee is gone. Lower back problems are a thing of the past. Appetite control has kicked in without cravings. Sleep is deep, even, and consistent and not to be agonized over ever again. Elimination and gastro difficulties do not exist anymore. Sinus, headache, and allergy problems have disappeared from the radar. This is the first spring I am free from Nettie pots, inhalers, and allergy meds.
As you can see, eight months of Bikram yoga has not only brought me through one of the most difficult mind and spirit restructurings I've ever been through, but has also totally rearranged and healed my body. These changes took place slowly, incrementally, over time. The key was consistency and trusting the process to happen just by going to class. Not by thinking about it or trying to DO something to further the changes along, but by just simply going to class and trusting the poses to do their work daily, silently, and with no more input from me.
The dismantling and restructuring of me, over the last 5 months has taken place in much the same way. At the Unfinished Woman retreat yesterday, Joan Anderson gave me a line that totally summed up the path I have been on:
"Process the grief that is partner to change"
Grieving is always portrayed as a horrible process to have to go through, but once you partner it with change, a small light appears that let's you know eventually it will be okay. It was said yesterday that it takes a long time to process grief and you MUST take that time. I made the mistake of repressing that time and refused to stop and experience it. I wouldn't trust the process in the months immediately following my mother's passing. I just pretended it didn't happen. Then when I was forced to enter the grieving process, it also took a toll on other relationships in my life because no one, including me, realized what was happening.
Now, I understand where I was, where I am now, and where I'm going. I also now understand there are six R's (pic below) to the process, in addition to the five stages of grief. Since January I have come through them all. I learned the importance of taking the time and trusting that the process is working, even through the darkest of days. I also know it is never finished….because I will always be an Unfinished Woman…just one that is now more capable of handling change.
And so, as another day goes by, the spring is back in my step today, and …I have written.
Leave a Reply