“Can’t Live….

..if livin’ is without you….”
Last night on American Idol James Durbin resurrected a song, that back in college, in 1971, literally changed the way I thought about life. I remember, during my freshman year, that song was playing when one of my roommates walked into the room. I was singing along with the song, hunched over on the floor, crying quite pathetically over the way someone treated me. She said, “You really “can’t live” because of a person? People will love you, hurt you, help you, step on you, inspire you, insult you, etc. …because they are PEOPLE! The only one who will love you consistently and never let you down, is God. Never, NEVER let people bring you to this. You have God. God is more powerful than any human being on this earth.”

She slammed me into awareness harder with her words than if she had slapped my face to stop my wracking sobs. From that day on, my outlook and basic principles I live by were forever changed. I vowed to never, NEVER let another human being reduce me to a hopeless crying puddle on the floor again believing I can’t live without them.

This is a life lesson I drive home to my girls when the times of their lives warrant it. I remember one daughter, about 10 at the time, came into my classroom after school and collapsed on the carpet crying hysterically because one of the “popular” girls didn’t want to be her friend anymore. She thought I was going to be the sympathetic mom. She got a surprise. I told her, quite emphatically to stop the crying, sit up and listen. Then I told her to never, ever, let another human being reduce her to this hysterical, crying puddle on the floor EVER again. Later on, when it came time for breakups with boyfriends, all I had to do was remind her of that time, and it made the storms weatherable.

This past year I have lost precious things and was brought to my knees once more. It seems as though every ten or fifteen years since that day in college, God dismantles my life and rebuilds it differently. The difference is now each time when I slip into the “puddle” I recognize it and “know the drill”. I know it means months of work and transformation, but never hopelessness.

I have cried my oceans of tears, felt my heart break and scatter in every room of my house, pounded out my share of anger, fell into a heap with pain so bad I thought I’d been stabbed, fought battles with forgiveness, questioned trust, searched for answers, searched for relief from pain, fought depression, talked a million words, wrote a half million words, prayed over five million prayers, read over 30 books, and attended over 150 yoga classes, but never once in my journey, not ever once, did I find myself in that hopeless puddle crying on the floor, believing “I can’t live” without someone or something.

You somehow know your two feet are planted firmly on the ground, even in the midst of hurricane, when you feel it in your heart that you can make it in life even if you lost everything you have, and only God is left to get you through. He’s the only thing that can’t be taken away from you by anyone, and He’s the only one who can give everything back to you. People have tried to strip me of my self-esteem and integrity, but they couldn’t take away my faith. And if you have faith, you have hope. Hope is born out of faith. Hope is what allows us to put one foot in front of the other and build it all once again.

I dedicate this blog to my girls who have many more journeys to walk. Their lives will be torn down and rebuilt many times in the coming years. I just want them to know I’ll walk beside them every step of the way, because hopefully, now, God is done with me for at least another ten years.

And so, as another day goes by, I can “live if livin’ is without you”. Thanks, James, for reminding me of that with your heartfelt rendition of a very special song, and….I have written.

Be nice...please share.

Pinterest

Twitter

Email

Facebook