Thirty eight years ago, when I was a junior in college, my husband, then boyfriend, gave me a star sapphire ring for Christmas. He said it was a friendship ring. Now, after 35 years of marriage to this wonderful man, I realize the full value of the significance of that ring that a young girl of 20 couldn’t begin to wrap her mind around at that age. We had been friends since we were nine years old, and back then my definition of friendship was someone who made me feel good and I had fun being around. Today, I realize that wobbly definition of friendship was the first building block of what has grown in the years since then and can only be described by the properties of the ring itself.
The setting is very unique. When my husband was purchasing the ring, the story he tells is how he drove the jeweler crazy by looking at every star sapphire he had in the case and saying, “No, that just isn’t her”. Every ring was either too big or too small for my finger. Finally the exasperated jeweler said, “Wait a minute”. He went in back to the safe and came out with a dusty box. Upon opening the box, my husband tells me he knew in his heart that was the perfect ring for me.
At Christmas, when I opened the box and saw the ring, I instantly felt in my heart this ring was special and unique to me. I put it on my finger on December 25, 1973 and have worn it everyday since for 38 years. That ring has mowed lawn, cleaned four houses and one huge pool, changed umpteen diapers, shoveled snow, spilt wood, moved bark mulch, painted rooms, hung Sheetrock, pounded nails, moved at least two thousand pieces of furniture, packed and unpacked boxes over our moves and those of our children, poured concrete, carried a ton of rocks and bricks to build a hearth, planted and weeded gardens, and the list goes on. The unique feature of the star sapphire? None of that physical work could even scratch or mar the surface of that stone. I have scraped it against concrete walls and that stone remains as smooth and shiny as the day I got it.
That ring has also held and fed babies, picked up toys, corrected papers, set up 35 years of classrooms, touched hundreds of little shoulders when a moment of encouragement was needed, wiped a million tiny tears, gave over a billion hugs, mixed fingerpaint, held tiny hands as they wrote their names for the first time and through all of this, the star remained clear and sharp, never wavering.
The ring, now after 35 years, fills in the rest of the building blocks for what a real, life-long friendship means. It means finding and appreciating the uniqueness in each other. It means walking through fire for the sole happiness of the other person. It means strength and resiliency in times of heartache and trouble. It means shared respect, kindness, gentleness and patience.
This ring was the foundation for the commitment promised by the diamond he gave me one year later. True friendship and commitment grown in a home of respect constitutes the love that sustains our 35 year marriage.
Throughout my time of difficulty both last year and now, it is this ring I use as a touchstone to remind me I’m not alone, my star still shines, and I possess a strength that can’t be marred by the most extreme circumstances.
The road to healing from loss is a long one, but thanks to my dear husband and best friend, I have my star to light the way.
And so, as another day goes by, hope resides on the third finger of my right hand, and…I have written.
Dream is gorgeous when the fact is unmerciful. Sometimes fate is in we have hors , but we only can’t alter it.
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