Setbacks – Not What You Think

January 19th, 2011

“Sometimes we have a period that looks like a setback, but in reality that time is like a place of preparation.” (Listening Beneath the Noise, Anne LeClaire)

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my friend before yoga class. We were saying that you’d think after practicing for 16 weeks regularly now, we’d be physical dynamos with unlimited energy, yet we have days where we still come home physically exhausted and even our shower is too much work. We have days where we can’t balance on one foot if our life depended on it. Then, almost without warning, our body changes and suddenly we have more energy than we can almost contain and we can hang in standing bow pose for the entire 60 seconds. Both of us have seen this almost as a pattern over the last 4 months of practice.

Could it really be that our time of setback was really a time of preparation? A time where our body needed to stop and regroup for it’s next growth period? So often we see growth as a continual forward movement, but really, what on this earth can keep growing continually without stopping for food, rest, and re-energization along the way?

In both yoga and life it’s comforting to learn that setbacks are not failure. In our relationships a setback is not loss of trust. In all our important relationships we will hurt each other and let each other down from time to time. Promising someone “I will never hurt you or let you down” is like promising them winter will never come again. Then we might ask, what is trust? Trust is promising them that despite hurting each other and letting each other down, you will never leave each other. Real trust is walking through the muck of hurts and let downs and STILL being there. These are times of setbacks. Times to regroup and prepare for the relationship to move to the next level. Without them, the bond of real trust cannot be formed.

“Anger and bitterness are emotional termites…they eat into your very existence leaving no room for love or beauty.” Terry MacMillan

Replacing anger and bitterness with the concept of setbacks when we are wronged, is by far no easy task, but the ah..ha moment comes when we do.

And so, as another day goes by, I will guard against termites, and….I have written.