Expressing emotion is different for everyone. Some people are yellers. They just need to burst and get it out. Some people are thinkers. They just need to crawl away by themselves and ponder their way through it. Some people are artists. They will draw, paint, write, or sing about their plights. Some people are talkers. They will seek out a best friend and pour out their heart. Me, I’m a crier. Every emotion I feel comes out in tears. While all of us employ all the above at one time or another to navigate our emotional rivers to some extent, one vehicle usually dominates. For me, it’s tears.
When I cry, my tears are clear to the naked eye, but when the sun hits them just right as they stream down my face, they act like a prism and separate into the colors that reveal the real me. I cry beautiful, blue tears in moments of quiet serenity when I’m feeling love for those close to me. I cry awesome yellow tears when I watch my children achieve another major milestone in their lives. I cry great, big, green crocodile tears when torn by extreme sadness brought on by loss too painful to talk about. I cry fiery red tears when anger over wrong-doing consumes me. I cry frightened orange tears when faced with confusion and the only place to find the answers is within. I cry the most striking violet tears when gazing on beauty fashioned by God’s hand reflected in the skies and oceans. I cry gorgeous pink tears when a heart to heart connection is made, deep sharing takes place or a new friendship is formed. My color pallet is varied and reflects the many feelings and emotions I am made up of. I find extreme comfort and release in my tears. Some may call me weak for being a crier instead of maybe a yeller. I may appear not able to stand up for myself or not be able to “take it”. Those that think this miss the secret the tears hold. Tears hold quiet strength. Tears give clarity. Tears flow straight from the deepest recesses of our very being and transform abstract feeling into something tangible to remind me I’m very much alive and in touch with my world.
There is one color tear I never cry. I never cry black tears. Black is the absence of color. To cry black tears would mean I was devoid of emotion and feeling. It would mean I was heading down the black hole where the only comfort lies in black substances used to medicate and close off feeling. Black tears offer no strength. Strength lies in the colored tears that keep me connected to myself, the people in my life presently, and to the people in my life who have left this earth.
Tears are the water of life. Don’t mock them. Don’t be afraid of them. And, above all, don’t hold them back.
And so, as another winter day goes by, I will embrace my tears, and….I have written.
Very beautiful writing.