I love the word “grace”. I use it to describe alot of people and situations. It’s one of those words that has multiple meanings, all beautiful, peaceful and serene. In the dictionary it has 7 meanings as a noun and 2 as a verb. No wonder I use it so much – such a versatile word – and yes, amazing.
The hymn Amazing Grace has been a favorite of my heart since my freshman year of college. The hymn was being played the first day I met God face to face for the very first time on July 30, 1971. It has been an AMAZING journey with Him over the past 39 years. Our relationship has grown and changed and twisted and straightened out many times over all that time. God is the master of grace. For Him to have listened to me beg for everything from money to love and tell Him to go “f” himself on and off for almost 40 years, and yet he still remains by my side, blesses me with amazing friends and family, always provides “just enough” when I want millions, holds my hand in the darkest of nights when I am totally powerless to fix that which rips my heart apart, and NO MATTER WHAT I do, still loves me. That is the epitome of grace, the heart of unconditional love.
God took an 18 year old who thot she could do whatever she wants, when she wants, with whom she wants and taught her respect thru grace. Grace is in deciding not to do something out of respect and love for someone you care about. Knowing the difference between this and not doing something just to please someone else and compromise your own independence, is grace in it’s truest form. The third definition in the dictionary is “grace is a sense of propriety and consideration for others”. Now, 57, I cannot go where I want, do what I want, when I want, with whom I want, just because I’m 57. Now, “a sense of propriety and consideration for others” guide certain choices I make. When I forgo something I really want to do, it’s not self-compromise. It’s out of respect and caring for someone I love. I am secure in the fact I am free to make my own choices without having to seek permission or answer to anyone, but I defer to grace when doing so.
This is especially important inside of a marriage. Many times I felt the independence bug bite and I’d rebel against being half of a couple. I hated the feeling I couldn’t just do what I wanted to do without “asking permission”. Here is where I learned REAL grace. Realizing it was not about “asking permission”, but about respecting and caring about my spouse’s feelings, was the big turning point in retaining my independence. I still want to do whatever it is I want to do, but I view myself as a separate half of a couple and instead of “asking permission”, I bring it up for discussion and use grace to lead me in my decision making. It’s all in the attitude we approach it with, I guess, but in the end, it IS “grace that leads me home”.
And so, another late fall afternoon goes by, grace continues to amaze me, and…I have written.
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