Today, September 29, was the day one year ago that I started Bikram yoga. What did learn?
I learned that yoga is more about the mind than it is the body. Yes, you get a good workout, maybe lose a few pounds, sleep better, eat better, heal a lot of physical ills, but it is the mind that gets the true makeover. Yoga isn’t about perfect poses – you can do yoga every day of your life and because your body is different everyday, you will do the poses differently everyday. Yoga isn’t a sport. There is no perfection.
Today, with the higher humidity, I immediately anticipated when the teacher would open the windows and when she didn’t, I felt a bit of panic creep in. I remembered this day last year when I was ignorant of all I know now. Last year I felt suffocated. Left the room. Was breathing through my mouth, like gym breathing. My heart rate was up. I couldn’t find air. How was today, same situation, one year later, different?
I immediately looked into my eyes in the mirror and thought “stillness”, breathe normally, mouth closed. Took inventory. My body really wasn’t unbearably hot, and there was air I could breathe. Linda, you’re fine. All the while, I was moving through the poses and in the 20 second savasana, I just gazed at the ceiling and concentrated on my breath. Within seconds my heart rate quieted, my breathing was no different than it is right now, I was able to dispel panic in seconds and easily finish the class. Not so one year ago when I was laying down and just trying to stay in the room with my mind screaming “I have to get out of here and get some air!” We are capable of so much more than our minds keep us from believing we are because our brain is yelling “I can’t”. Well, I learned that “I can’t” lives on “I won’t” street.
In the past two weeks gauntlets in life have been thrown in my path. One year ago I would feel the hot fires of either hurt, rage or embarrassment sear through me and I would immediately get agitated and react frantically. Today when those anxious feelings sear through me, my hands actually fall to my sides, just like in the savasanas, my breathing returns to normal, my heart rate slows, and I’m able to quiet myself and step back before reacting at all. That, in itself, is a priceless life skill worth every drop of sweat it took to learn it and have it become second nature over the course of a year.
I would caution that Bikram yoga is not something to be entered into lightly. You must drink two bottles of water and eat lightly two hours before class. You must rehydrate yourself and replace electrolytes before coming back the next day. You must really listen to the teacher and learn to begin corralling that mind that says “I won’t” in order to unleash what you’re capable of, both in and out of the studio.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m forever grateful to my daughters for not letting me refuse to try, and ….I have written.
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