Yesterday I read a blog about being gentle with yourself. At the end, it asked, “How are you gentle with yourself?” The first thing that came to mind was Artist’s Dates. I haven’t had an artist date with myself in a very long time. I suddenly realized this when my daughter asked me about gift ideas for the family. I stopped and thought and then said, “You know, I don’t have any ideas. It’s been a long time since I’ve been out and about to see what’s out there. I really don’t get out much.” (I am out a lot, but it always involves a restaurant and groups of people.)
So today I came back from fit club and decided it was going to be an artist date day in the shops. I was going to flit around town, eventually end up in the mall, and see what’s out there in hopes of getting some gift ideas. I did get great gift ideas, but something else was happening. Since I wasn’t out there for any particular reason, I began to take note of the things I was attracted to. I found out a lot about myself. I like yoga clothes, soft things, big loopy earrings, bright, shiny things (my hands and eyes were magnetized by anything that had a sparkle), neon colors, and….boots. Boots were my favorite thing today. I remembered seeing these cute boots with fabric cuffs on a TV commercial and I did what I always do…I built the pair I would like in my mind, and now I had to search for them. Now I had a mission. Black combat boots with a fabric, fold down cuff. I could picture them. I could picture how they looked. I could picture them with my leggings. Oh, too cute. They just had to exist. The hunt was on. I walked into Sears and there they were. Just like they were waiting for me. They had a zipper down the back (a blue one) and can be worn at three different heights. They were $59, on sale for $39. But I just got inside the mall. It couldn’t be this easy because half the fun is in the hunt. I loved the boots, but missed the hunt. So I decided not to buy them yet. I wanted my hunt, so I pretended these really weren’t the boots I wanted. Three hours later – they were the exact boots I wanted. Them, and to be out of there and on my way home. (When I got to the checkout, they were only $29!)
On the way home I wondered why I did that. I could’ve been home three hours ago. It was then I realized that if I had bought the boots and went right home, I would’ve missed the point of the whole day. The idea was to spend time relaxing and checking out all the bright shiny stuff that was out there. By not buying the boots right away, I accomplished that goal and then some.
Through a day like this, I get to know myself better. As I walked, poked, and pondered, I kept repeating the first part of that quote that resonated with me last weekend. Dim your light for no one…..rang slowly through my mind. I touched fabrics, held jewelry, and tried on things that attracted me. For the first time I didn’t look at what I liked thru anyone else’s eyes. I just decided to be totally me and see where that led.
Life should be fun. What we love should be fun. The thrill of the hunt should be fun. Being ourselves, according to ourselves, should be fun. Loving who you are should be fun. Being kind and gentle to yourself should be fun.
“Dim your light for no one. Those who are afraid of your light are the ones that need it most.” ~ Ceilia Hanna
As the winter season approaches, my goals for it are emerging. Winter is a time to build fires, hunker down and turn inward. Time to reevaluate where I’ve been and set a path for where I’m going next, come spring. This winter it’s not going to be healing. The healing is finally complete. Now the rebuilding can begin. This winter is going to be about rediscovering who I am in relation to me, not through anyone else’s lens. It’s a crippling thing to find out that you lived, dressed, thought, and acted according to what would please other people. Today I decided I’m confident enough to go forward as me, and to have fun discovering just who that is. In my mind I envision building a pallet of all the things that make me, me, according to me – sort of a vision board of who I am. I can’t wait to see who this chick is, but one thing I know – she’ll look damn cute in these boots.
And so, as another day goes by, I wonder how you are gentle with yourself, I wonder if you “dim your light for no one”, and…I have written.
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