Over the weekend I was doing some gardening. I was loosening the dirt in the flower beds, being very careful not to disturb the the tiny, green new shoots of the plants working so hard to push their way up through the soil. While working, the sun was warm on my back and thru the garden tool in my hand, I felt strangely connected to the earth. Spring, for me, especially while teaching, always symbolized a season of growth and newness, but this time, instead of marveling over the growth of my students, I felt an intense bursting of growth within myself. I identified with the green shoots coming out of the darkness of the ground, shedding the dirt and embracing the light.
Inside of me there seemed to be dark things that needed to be brushed away and discarded in the same way. My fingers are being pried loose of all that I held so tightly for security for so many months. The fear of loss is beginning to dim and release its hold on me.
Sometimes we’re so bottled up and bound by fear that we are closed off to new growth. Many times we are not even aware of this. We experience fatigue and a lack of energy, but we think it’s a physical problem, when in reality it’s our mind and heart expending our energy by trying to maintain the vise-like grip on our fear. Once the fingers loosen and the steel bands binding our chest and stomach break and fall away, we can breathe again. We can feel again. We can take in air and feel sunlight. We are emptied of that which was old and dark, and left over from winter, and can now begin to absorb the new feelings and ideas God and the universe has been offering us for months.
Loosen the soil. Allow the new shoots to absorb the water, air, and sunlight. Watch the new growth happen slowly, day to day. Marvel in the newness.
And so, as another day goes by, my feet make footprints in a new direction, and …I have written.
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