When that little phrase “will you accept cookies” used to pop up on my computer, I’d laugh and picture a warm chocolate chip cookie popping out of the disk drive as soon as I clicked ok. Cookies were always a source of comfort for me and when I saw the above photo, it just slid right into my heart. Little did I know it would come to mean more than just another cute little pic to me this week.
I used it in Tuesdays blog, Sitting Down In Bikram, and a friend had commented that this was “fridge worthy”. I laughed, but then I thought, yes, it really is. The picture of me in my mind sitting on my little mat-island, happily munching my cookie me, made me feel good. This time it wasn’t like the computer cookie experience, though. The part that made me feel good was that I was finally sitting there, happy with the choices I consciously made for myself that were good for me and not influenced by those around me.
Why is that important? Because I’m a people pleaser. I will do whatever to keep smiles on the faces of those around me and have everyone think well of me. I learned Tuesday morning yoga doesn’t work that way, and I learned Tuesday night critique groups don’t work that way.
I remember my very first time in a writing critique group three years ago. When my work was up on the block. I broke out into a full body sweat and red color spread up my neck to my face. I couldn’t face it if I did something wrong and always rushed home to look at the comments and hurry to make it right, quickly applying everyone’s suggestions, whether I agreed with them or not. I just wanted it “good” in everyone else’s eyes.
Tuesday night was the first time I really saw how far I have come since those days. My blog group gave their critique of this blog. There was both good and bad. When the “bad” was coming, I waited for the sweat to start. It didn’t. I waited for the heat on my face. It didn’t come. I sat back, listened, smiled, took everything in, nodded my head, said thank you and we moved on to the next person.
I felt like I was back on my little mat-island, happily munching my cookie. I felt some comments were things I really saw would be welcome improvements after three years, and then there were things that didn’t set well with me if I did them. For the first time I felt that ultimately the blog is mine. The yoga practice is mine. In the end, the suggestions I choose to use in my writing, and the decision to sit down in yoga class, are mine.
Feedback from teachers and peers is necessary and can be wonderful if taken in the right context and viewed with the perspective that only I own my stuff and the choices are ultimately mine to make. I need to make them according to what works for me in my practice and in my work, not because I want to please others or have them think well of me, but because the choices make me a better me.
And so, as another day goes by, that’s the story on cookies, such powerful little treats in life, and…I have written.
(And…am considering a trip to the store, too – mustn’t I live my lessons?)
You have graduated with honors! Joan
Haha! You sure helped last night! Mmmmm… 🙂
Congratulations! That is one of the hardest tasks to master. Like accepting praise gratefully, accepting criticism is an art.
Enjoy the cookies.
Yes, Gillian, it is. Thank you for reading and commenting. Nice to meet you!
[…] few days ago in my post Change Through Cookies I described my path of learning to take criticism gracefully and what to do with it once I got it. […]