I once spent a whole afternoon chasing the wind. I was only ten at the time, but the movie of that afternoon stills plays clearly in my head. I was in my friend Nancy’s backyard and the wind was strong and gusty that day. Three buildings surrounded her small yard and the wind picked up leaves and swirled them around us so hard we could barely keep them out of our eyes. Then our ten year old minds imagined the wind could pick us up too and carry us in circles. We spent the whole afternoon running in circles with the wind, arms outstretched like birds in hopes they would act like wings and lift us up from the ground. In our childish minds it was an afternoon of hope. I think, for a few fleeting moments, we actually believed our feet left the ground.
But now comes a time when I must “put aside my childish ways” and discover that chasing the wind does not mean hope at all. When grown-ups talk about chasing the wind it means futility. Over the past few days the futility of being a grown-up has crossed my path a couple times with the same message. On Oprah yesterday, there was a famous producer by the name of Shadyac who had realized his Hollywood dreams and amassed an enormous amount of wealth. He talked about moving into his 17 room mansion. He said when the movers left, he stood in the enormous foyer and felt so empty and unhappy. Amassing money and things was like chasing the wind. (He did sell it all and moved into a reasonable two bedroom, two bathroom house and reinvent his life into one more satisfying.)
Then, this morning, I myself woke up thinking about a struggle I’ve been battling with lately. Most days I wake up hopeful that it will work out, but today I felt drained of hope. Just then the weather on tv predicted gusty winds for this afternoon. My first thought was well, there goes my beachwalk. My second thought was to go anyway and chase the wind – I’d be more successful doing that than working out my futile struggle.
After watching the news, I flipped on my kindle and my Bible was left open on it. (I had this idea I’d read the book of Proverbs because age old wisdom is the best kind when looking for answers to matters of the heart.) I noticed I finished Proverbs without getting too much wisdom – just enough to carry me through. The next book was Ecclesiastes. I figured since it was already open, I’d give it a go. It was about a king amassing great amounts of wealth and power, but feeling his efforts were futile and all for naught, as he was empty and unhappy. And yes, you guessed it, he described it two or three times that it was “like chasing the wind” this life, there’s no point to it.
In considering all of this “chasing the wind” business, I can’t help but believe God saved my chasing the wind movie so clearly in my mind all these years for just precisely this moment. I don’t believe God allows our struggles in life to cause us to lose hope in why we live, or to beat us down and wear us out. I used to be of the school that “God tests us”, until one day I got an email from a friend venting about her struggles. At the end she stated so very loudly, “I know, it’s just another test!”. The intensity of her words stuck with me. In my dealings of late with God, I have come to find that although God is a teaching God, He is not a testing God. For me, when I am learning in an environment where there is no final exam, I can relax and embrace that which I am to learn. I find, if maybe we would just stop struggling in our struggles and let God teach us, not test us, maybe “chasing the wind” holds hope instead of futility. I certainly hope that king reinvents his life like the producer did, and discovers that chasing the wind can be hopeful and magical, even if you’re not ten.
And so, as another day goes by, I will take my beachwalk and embrace the wind like I did so long ago, and….I have written.
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