When we have been hurt and spend months healing, very often we fight closing the wound. We want it closed and healed over very badly, but it is the finality of what it represents that won't allow us to give over to it. Very often we view it as a final end – a death of a part of our life and because of that, we fight it. We resist change and fight to hang on to things "as they were" because we are afraid. As hard as we fight it, we can't fight time, and the closing proceeds without our permission.
During this "closing" process, something became so clear to me. Who was I to make the rules that dictate how it's going to be after the wound closes? The closing of the wound had begun and because it felt so good, I was willing to drop the rules I was making and give it over to God. I realized these last 5 months are but a drop in the length of a lifetime and I have no idea of the twists and turns my life will take, anymore that I had a clue I'd be where I am today. I know deep within me that I have no control over the people who will leave or stay in my life. The only thing I am certain of, is that God does. Once I realized He is in charge of my every thought, word, and deed, the fear of closing the wound disappeared. Just knowing that it is not up to me to try to control and make rules for where my life goes from here, is a giant relief. I can look forward to each day with the attitude "Let's see what God has for me today" and then I ask for my blessings.
My blessings – where do I start? Over the past three months God has not only healed my pain, but crossed my life with so many wonderful people between my writing groups and my yoga class. Given me a trip to Florida and a time with my family that is irreplaceable. Brought my very best friend, who, over 40 years, never gave up on me, for a week long visit I will always cherish.
I learned turning over control to the Higher Power is freedom, not fear. When I tried so desperately to control things, I was obsessed with trying to decide what to say to whom. Now, I go to sleep and wake up knowing I don't have to say a thing to anyone. If God wants me to pay attention to someone, He'll see to it that I do. Life is good again. I am present and feeling it's joy almost everyday now. I do have sad days, but I have all I need to see myself through them. Closing the wound no longer scares me.
And so, as another day goes by, spring is moving toward summer, and ….I have written.
Once again, you’ve inspired me to think a little differently. “Let go and let God” are the words that come to mind when I digest the words “We want it healed and closed over…” and “…we view it as a final end….” Your words released something in me that’s been tightening and tightening like a noose around my creativity and my hope for a better tomorrow that’s blocked my writing, and doubled my self-doubt. It’s funny, even with the recent vision problem in my left eye (floaters), I’m able to “see” things clearer and clearer. Thank you.
Thanks Diane for your kind words. Isnt it amazing how we tend to look at things one way and decide thats what it means? Im glad I could point you in a new direction! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
You cant give up on the things you love, not ever…
Charlotte ~ Private Practice
Sent from my iPhone…
Linda Bartosik 🙂