Since today was a holiday, I wasn’t planning on going to yoga today. I knew last night would be a late night out at the fire, so I thought I’d treat today like a Sunday. That didn’t work because my daughter wanted to go. So I went.
When I got there I tried to remember “no expectations”, but the room was really hot. Then people kept pouring in. We finally had to take the podium out and at last count there were 42 of us in there. I was up in my usual corner with my daughter next to me. The standing series was hard, very hard. I just stood there for the second set of standing head to knee. Then when we had to stagger, I had to move way up totally into the corner. I was practically kissing the mirror and there was absolutely no air up there. I made it through two out the three poses and began to feel panic. I moved back toward the window and sat cross legged on my towel, trying to snatch snippets of air from the window behind me. I sat very still and just stared at the floor, telling myself they’ll be done in 60 seconds and I can certainly sit quiet and breathe for that long. Next was tree and toe stands. I got up and joined in because I no longer had to stay in that corner. After that I proceeded normally throughout the rest of the class.
During the floor series I was thinking about my mini panic attack and how I’d handled it. I was remembering a few incidents in my life where things would have gone radically different if I had possessed this skill set in those moments. The ability to quickly quiet oneself and remove yourself mentally from a panic or stressed situation, in the midst of a crowd, is not learned overnight. It has taken many of the hottest and most humid days to practice and master this skill.
And so, as another day goes by, today lessons were learned in a hot corner, and…I have written.
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