A cell holds things. Prisoners, organisms, photo electric energy…. The word “excellence” holds the word “cell”.
Each Wednesday a creative writing blogger I follow sends out “word-in-a-word” exercises to challenge us and stimulate creative thinking. . They are stimulating and I usually have fun playing around with them, but this one today hit me in a special way. Today was the word “cell” contained in the word “excellence”.
When I first saw the word “cell” highlighted inside of “excellence”, I immediately thought of being a prisoner in a cell. For myself, it evoked memories of being locked in an emotional prison for months. Then I looked at the word excellence and saw the quality of my present life. How does that connect? Sometimes we have to be contained in a cell of some sort to realize the excellence that awaits us.
When I was being contained in my cell, it was against my own will. I was being forced to let go when I didn’t want to. I did a lot of crying and kicking and screaming, just as if I had been confined to a 10×10 concrete room. It took many months for me to stop and be still. Once I was still, I was let out of the cell, but not out of the prison. Then it took many more months to loosen the grip and overcome fear. Fear is a horrible monster. It is always bad. It motivates grasping. It seizes control. It insists on certainty and it needs everything. Living in fear of loss is a horrible existence. I spent much of those next months in the prison chapel on my knees begging God to get me out of there. My prayers fell on deaf ears. I had to put in my time. Their was an awful lot of awful to come to terms with and there was no going straight from A to Z. The things B to Y had to offer were extremely important and God was not about to let me skip over them – my usual MO. The journey from B to Y is where the real learning and internal change takes place.
Then finally, after many more months, I arrived at Z and was led to the door. I was introduced to my freedom and a new way of living. The fear was gone and now the letting go was of my own free will. Instead of living in fear, I now live in a place of love. Love always feels good. It motivates liberation. It relaxes control. It accepts uncertainty and needs nothing. I finally realized the excellence in emerging from my cell.
And so, as another day goes by, when God confronts us with an undeniable truth, we must face it square on and adjust ourselves accordingly, and ….I have written.
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