Joy in patience? Are you kidding me? Patience means being still, waiting, practicing silence, slowing down…being a type A, I fail to see the joy in this. It’s terribly inconvenient to be patient. Unless….you know, being a type A IS exhausting …both to me and those around me….so, maybe, if I look hard enough, I can find some joy in patience.
I am, by nature, a “fixer” in time of conflict and trouble. I’ve always been listened to and given the courtesy of presenting “my side” when in conflict, even if I’m wrong – being given the chance to apologize and accept responsibility for my actions, is always better than harboring troubles. Being an educator for many years, managing conflict and helping children learn to manage troubled times, was a part of my job everyday. I have always thought and taught that teaching children to talk and “use their words” was one of the most important skills I could help them achieve. Being able to discuss one’s faults and shortcomings and resolve conflict is important to forging healthy, longterm relationships for life. Building a panacea out of discovering that relationships deepen as a result of resolving conflicts, leads to a truly settled life.
But there would always be the one child, every year, that would resist and, due to lack of adequate language or emotional development, end up in continual conflict and eventual isolation from the other children. It would take tremendous patience each day to not blame this child for what he/she does not know, and try to model this to the other children to motivate them to “keep trying” with this child. Sometimes it would take months before the slightest little gain was made, but when that step was taken, my heart would burst, and there it was – joy in patience.
I can’t help being a “fixer” by nature, but I can remember that sometimes the “fixing” happens slowly and incrementally over a period of time, and I can take advantage of the quieting and slowing down that patience requires when it is our only recourse. This is hard for me, though, because I can’t harbor resentment, hold a grudge, or punish people. As a teacher, I don’t believe in punishment. Punishment never taught anyone anything but to be a “punisher” in return – an abuser. Talking and reasoning within the confines of love results in a peaceful life, and I don’t know about you, but a peaceful life over one fraught with conflict and abuse just sounds like the better road to me, and one I always wanted for my students.
I not only lived this in school, but at home in my own family life. Thirty five years of patience, learning along with my children and husband, to come together and settle our differences, instead of carrying anger that could injure our love for each other, has resulted in a family bond impossible to break today. Below is a photo of a text I got from my 29 year old daughter this morning during a discussion we were having. It moved me to tears.
I guess I have found the true joy in patience.
And so, as another day goes by, I find patience is a gift – not an inconvenience, and…I have written.
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