In three days I will be 58 years old and today is the first time I ever went to a movie alone. I was 56 before I ever went to a restaurant and had a meal alone. One would think I didn't like my own company.
I thought that too, when first thinking about never having done those things alone before. Now that I have the time to look back and think about it, it's not that I don't like my own company, but when, for years, your life is crammed with work, two children and three homes, there really isn't much time to spend with yourself. I actually kind of needed permission to go to the movie today. Last week, when I was at the movies with my husband, a young girl with a large popcorn climbed to the top row alone and settled herself in the middle of the row and promptly enjoyed the movie. For some reason, that stuck with me and upon seeing The Help opening today on the morning news, I got the idea that after my women's bible group, I'd go by myself to see it. (Movies rarely open on a Wednesday so that was unusual in itself, too).
Now, after the movie, (which, by the way, was a "must see") I'm sitting outside of the Cape Cod Mall having coffee in the late afternoon sun, feeling pretty pleased with myself. Julia Cameron's book, The Artists Way, instructs us to take our artist self out on a weekly date, so today is self-date day. She says to go out alone and just see what there is to see, hear what there is to hear, and feel what there is to feel. I have learned it's a whole different experience when you are alone. You listen to yourself and pay attention to "how" you take in the world. I've done many of these "artist dates" since I started the book in the spring, but the movie was new, and a bit odd and scary at the same time. Buying one ticket and waiting in line for popcorn alone was at first disconcerting, but when I was still in line 15 minutes after the movie start time and the anxious feeling started honing in, I realized I was alone and if it didn't bother me to go in late, there was no one else for me to get anxious over. That was a cool revelation in itself. I relaxed, got my popcorn, and even got my usual seat, just in time for the movie to start.
It's good, really good, to go out alone and experience some small thing you've never tried before. Paying undivided attention to oneself now and then is essential to having enough attention for everyone else in your life on the rest of your days.
And so, as another day goes by, I learned I'm not a bad first date, and …I have written.
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