“We want to be held and left alone, again and again, held and left alone until the dance of it is, how we survive and grow, like spring into winter and winter into spring again.” ~ Mark Nepo
A new thread to the cycle of life, so essential to our survival, is illustrated in this simple quote. It is what we must do, as well as have done to us, within any close, important relationship we have – parent/child, teacher/student, friend/friend, husband/wife…etc. to have that relationship flourish and grow.
I do remember in the classroom my five year olds would get irritable and unruly every two or three weeks. It was their way of telling me the design of the lessons and learning centers was exhausted and they were ready to move on. I’d always know it was time to plan an evening in my classroom, tearing down everything and replacing it with new material. They’d come in the next day and after explaining the new learning centers, I’d let them loose, leave them alone, and they were off and running, learning and growing again.
I have often said the hardest part of love is the letting go, but I never thought of it as cyclical, only as final. As I examine all my relationships I find it’s true, they do operate in a being “held and left alone” cycle. I, too, require being “held and left alone” to be happy living with the people I love. In times of crisis, my husband and I cling tightly, but the rest of the time we operate in tandem, each pursuing our own life activities. My girls call, text, or come home for a visit when they have a crisis or just miss us. Then, once again, they’re off living their lives and I might not hear from them for two weeks.
The “left alone” part, my girls will tell you, was hard for me. When they’d tell me about a certain aspect of their life, sometimes worry would kick in before they were even done with their first sentence and I had a dozen who, what, where, when, why questions. Just recently, a couple of them approached me with their new diet changes. My first reaction to them was “Why do you want to do that?”. Immediately worry began to set in. Usually I’d persist in trying to get them to see the dangers lurking in their decisions, but this time, I stopped after asking why, and proceeded to hear them out. They are in their “left alone” part of the cycle. They just want me to listen to their plans and decisions and support them. They are not in crisis or need. They do not need to be “held”. They are simply living their lives and want to share pieces of it with me. Once again, why the miraculous, unconscious change in my behavior?
Could it be due to 130 days of “holding” a pose for the prescribed amount of time, then “letting it go” and reaping the benefits? Has the “hold and let go” cycle been imbedded into my mind and spirit, as well as my body? I have to believe the yoga has struck again.
I take great comfort in the “held and left alone” cycle, both for myself and for those I love. Living in the rhythm of this cycle affords both freedom and security for all of us. Freedom to be ourselves, while still knowing we belong, is a cornerstone of all lasting relationships.
And so, as another day goes by, I find comfort in the cycles of life, and…I have written.
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