Today is the second anniversary of this blog. I’ve written it for two years, through good times and bad. I made a commitment to do it every day, with the intention of examining my writing and becoming a better writer through that commitment. Something else happened that I didn’t count on. The writing helped me to become a better person. The writing guided me on a positive journey of self development that I had no intention of taking. The most significant thing about today’s anniversary is the amount of time it took to accomplish these changes.
Real change takes real time. The clean water acts of the seventies are evidenced in the amount of clean water we have today. The anti-smoking campaigns, over time, have made it almost socially unacceptable to smoke anywhere but in you own backyard because most smokers won’t even smoke in their own homes.
Years ago when I belonged to the “new mommy” circle, we spent a lot of time judging how each of was bringing up our children. Now, when I look at my own adult children and those of my friends, I ask, “So, what was the most important thing?” The most important thing is that today we are all connected to our children and they are, so many years later, a big part of all our lives. Thinking back to all the criticisms we had of each other’s parenting, I see how nothing we ever said made a bit of difference in where we all are now with our children. It was the openness within which we said it that defines the relationships we have with them today. An openness that was created over many, many years, through many, many hard times.
I started Bikram yoga exactly two years ago, too. That, too, was a hard fought, can’t ever give up, journey. To be still going, five days a week, overcoming adversity after adversity in that hot room, has grown and changed me. Changes, both physical and spiritual, have taken place over that great amount time.
Today, when I say I can do hard things, it means I can hang in there for the duration, no matter what is asked of me. I can go through the hard, hurting, uncomfortable times without giving up. I’m going to break a rule and share with you what came out in my morning pages* this morning. Over the course of writing 547 days of morning pages, which are mainly prayers, I surprised myself at how far I’ve come from the easily hurt “chlild” I used to be when things didn’t go my way.
Morning Pages – 9/20/12
*-morning pages are what a writer writes first thing every morning. Three pages, not paying any attention to we write, and we, or no one else ever sees them
“Lord I’m having a hard time this morning. I can’t think about any of my life today without fear. I know the feeling won’t last. I know I need to stay close to you. I run to you right away. I still get disappointed about things, but my first thoughts now when things don’t work out, is that you have a different plan for me. I need to deal with change and disappointment in a new way. I need to get used to viewing it as you speaking and guiding me in a new direction. Not as a reflection on me. When someone says no or a door is closed, I just look to you lord. And sit and wait for the new direction you’ll point me in.”
Yes, I can do hard things. I don’t crash and burn as easily now. Two years ago that prayer would’ve been filled with a lot of kicking and screaming and whining “why me” to God. Two years is a long time to wait for change to occur, but a long time is exactly what it takes to make it happen. The list of things you learn begins with patience and ends with love, with a whole lot of other good, positive stuff in between.
And so, as another day goes by, happy birthday dear blog – maybe someday you will be a book, thank you for your support dear readers, join me in letting tomorrow begin year three, and….I have written.
Let’s all celebrate many happy tomorrows! Great job Linda.