This weekend I spent a lot of time cuddled up reading, eating and drinking – not always the best of stuff either. Today I couldn’t wait to get to fit club. I had a great workout, but then spent the rest of the day fighting off that need to go to yoga because I had sworn off doing both in one day. By noon I knew it wasn’t going to work. I checked the classes and decided to go to the 6:15 class. I figured I’d give myself time to recover from fit club by going to the latest class possible.
This really is a marriage between the two. I kept them apart last week adhering to the schedule I set up and today, and like two deprived lovers they begged to meet on the same day. They both behaved well and got along peacefully. I rocked the standing series. Poses I had trouble with were actually coming to fruition. I think fit club made me fitter for yoga. When I laid down for savasana and looked up at the ceiling to find my cross made out of paint dots, something was weird. I found the cross in its usual place, but the huge mountain I’m trying to climb that always appears next to it as I sing in in my head, “I lift my eyes to the maker of the mountain I can’t climb”, wasn’t there.
Today I had a huge awakening. I figured out that depending on someone else to do something to solve your problem and make everything okay again, just keeps you going round n’ round in that problem. In order to get free, you have to take solving the problem into your own hands. You have to take back the power you gave away.
I had been spinning in the grip of a problem for over two years now, thinking the other person needed to solve it for me. I finally laid out the facts and decided what I was going to do about it, then did it. I didn’t get the solution I was always hoping for, but I got the freedom that is so much more precious.
Never, never depend on the actions of someone else to take away your pain. You cannot control what anyone else does. You can only control your own actions. That is owning the power to decide the way things are going to be in your life and create your own happiness, freedom, and well-being.
And so, as another day goes by, I think I reached the top of the mountain, and…I have written.
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