As per request, I commissioned myself to look at the “how to” concerning my blog yesterday. (thank you to all who read it and seem to be on this journey with me. We’ll get there, let’s just be gentle and patient with ourselves. )
Good news – knowing “what” is 50% of the “how”. Knowing “what” you must do gives you focus. Right away your mind is engaged and half of the pushing and kicking and screaming you were doing trying to get someone to make you happy, stops. Focusing on the “knowing what” brings you to the next step of “how”. One word – visualization. Having a clear visual in your mind of anything you want to do, and revisiting it over and over, just like a diver does before leaving the board, is the next 25% of “how”. It is a concrete action and to create good habits in our body, mind, or soul, we must have a concrete action – not just a fleeting thought or idea. You need to visualize the garage door slammed down tight every single time you try to do something that you clearly know the sole purpose is to try to get someone to do something to alleviate your own pain and anger. You will stop in your tracks. You will not send that email. You will not make that phone call. Just stopping and not doing it will bring a bit of peace because you will also visualize the bloodbath you would be engaged in for hours, if not days, had you done it. Stay inside the garage. Look at your emotions and feelings. Do things that that can change only your feelings, not someone else’s. Meditate, walk, exercise, cook, work, …make a list of things that will affect only you and hang them on your garage wall where you can reach for them the minute you slam down the garage door.
I am not naive. I know this won’t make you Buddha overnight. How well aware I am of declaring THIS is the way I now will live and treat myself, feel strong in the moment, and in the middle of the night start slipping. The more you practice slamming down the garage door the moment your mind goes awry and your stomach clenches, the quicker you get at doing it, which brings me to the last %25 needed to thoroughly make the concept a useful, new, habit. The last 25% involves giving yourself 30 honest days to deal with others in this manner. It’s been proven, do anything for 30 days, it’s part of you, part of your life. After 30 days, when your mind goes down that road of acting to change another’s feeling, thought, or action, within seconds you’ll slam that door down so fast and begin looking at all the cool things you hung on your garage wall, and those things will be so much more appealing than the hours or days of fighting, arguing, vicious emailing etc. you were about to engage in, sapping all your energy, raising your blood pressure, and getting swollen eyes. When you raise that garage door and march out all equipped to change someone else so you’ll be happy, you not only raise the door, you raise your stress level and jeopardize your health. You give away your joy on a platter like a sacrificial lamb. After 30 days of slamming that door down, you won’t be so quick to sacrifice yourself.
There’s the how….at least they way I’ve gone about it. 50% – KNOW what you need to do, 25%- visualize and make it concrete, and 25% keep at it for 30 days.
(I keep my garage door rolled up in my forehead so it’s always handy.)
And so, another day goes by, I like to feel the percentages are in my favor, and ….I have written.
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