I have watched The Talk since the first day it came on in September. On days I’m not home in the afternoon, I DVR it, which is unusual for me to do with a daily show because I hate collecting them and having them build up if I don’t watch them. The first 20 minutes of this show where the five women just sit and talk live, about a question Julie throws out, is the absolute, hands down, best 20 minutes of TV I watch.
Through those 20 minute segments Julie has shared much about her home life and her relationship with her husband, the CEO of CBS. I find both of them, as a couple, impressive. People in their profession and level of success are seldom able to achieve the down to Earth and harmonious home life that they have.
Today’s question was: Can a man and a woman be “just friends”? Julie said, “No, it’s not possible”. The others asked if she had men friends. She said, “No! My husband is my best friend and that’s the way I want it. I don’t even have any men friends”. (“Friends” meaning men you call up and confide in, not just men you work with or are acquainted with) The others commented that she was very traditional. She said, “My husband describes it this way: He says Jules, one thing I love about you is that you dress and look very westernized, but you are your mother’s daughter and have very traditional Chinese values”. Their relationship always makes me feel so good whenever she shares about it. Today, I puzzled why this was so.
Well, in the past two months, two people have said to me, “Linda, you have a wonderful husband of 35 years who loves you very much”. The tone of their comment intimated that I didn’t know this and I should be doing something about it. I couldn’t understand why they were telling me this. I kind of thought if two people are married for 35 years, isn’t it just a given that they are best friends? Apparently after watching the show today, that’s not so, and it also takes people by some level of surprise when they meet my husband and me.
Now, some might say, well if people feel they have to tell you that, you must not be showing it. Sorry, when you’re married for 35 years and you have been each other’s best friend since you were 17, it really is a given. Not only is it a given, it’s a lifestyle, my lifestyle, that I live every minute of everyday. I, too, like Julie, have no men friends, my husband is my best friend, and that’s how I want it. It feels good to be validated by someone I admire.
Other mentions Julie has made about life with her husband I also share in our relationship. She said one day,”We don’t fight. I could probably count 5 times when we’ve ever had anything close to a fight. We just talk. ” The other four women were astounded. It was like FIGHTING was a given in a marriage. I was so happy Julie shared that, because it’s that way for us, too, and many people, just like the other 4 hosts, can’t wrap their heads around that.
I am blessed to have such a wonderful life partner. The things I have asked of him over the last 35 years I’m not sure there are many men who would put themselves aside and just totally be there for me like he did. My husband has always given me the freedom to think, act, and move through my life as I saw fit. If he had an opinion, he’d always preface it by, “I’ll never tell you what to do, but this is what I think”. I don’t think there’s another quality I have appreciated more over the years, because if you can achieve freedom within a relationship, the possibilities of things for you to accomplish as a couple are endless. When it comes to family and children, we act, talk, and think as a team. Our girls always get both of us, working as a team, and that has been so important over the years because there are things I can give them that he can’t and there are things only he, from the male point of view, can give them that I can’t, and, as a team, we have formed life-long bonds with them and provided a home and security they can always count on, no matter how far they roam or the trouble they get into. No small feat in this day and age, and I KNOW, from the very core of my being I could’ve never done it without him.
The fact that he does all the cooking, does his own laundry, etc. is an extra perk for me, but the real heart of our relationship lies in the fact that we are each other’s best friends and all else flows easily from there. In 35 years we have never disrespected each other, even in a heated debate, we never attacked each other’s person, (I did, in a fit of rebelliousness one time, try that, but when I saw how deeply he was affected by it, I vowed never to go down that road again) and I do firmly believe this was the contributing factor, over all these years, that always let us see and respect each other’s viewpoints and avoid knock down, drag outs altogether.
I guess some don’t realize our relationship IS our lifestyle and it’s weird to me that 2 people felt the need to say that in the last few weeks, because when the day is done, he is me and I am him, and we sit together, over some cheap wine, and solve the problems of the world.
And so, as another day goes by, I take comfort and find joy in knowing Julie is NOT a rockstar, but my husband really IS, and….I have written.
Found your blog. I’ve been married to my husband 20 years and like you we never ever fight. I think we fought about 5 times in the first two years of our marriage figuring each other out. He is my grounding force and my best friend…and he too does laundry and cooks and still makes my heart flutter. Your Bikram Buddy