Sometimes we just don’t know where to turn. Sometimes there is no path to follow. Sometimes there really are no words to say. I had that kind of day yesterday, and could not write in this blog no matter what I tried. It was not like I didn’t have time, I did. It was not like I didn’t have time to think and let thoughts roam through my head, I did. In fact, I was alone much of the day painting a room, so I had plenty of time to think. The painting over of old memories was tough and instead of finding the solace I usually do in a job like that, I found fear and heartache. It took me by surprise and stopped me in my tracks. I thought I was over a lot of things. I thought I was so much stronger now after months of battling a difficult situation and learning and growing and changing. Suddenly it all came rushing back and I felt like I was back where I started, months ago.
The funny part is, when new situations with children, family, and spouse came up this weekend, I reacted to each one in a new way. I immediately stepped back and felt anger drain away. I took a moment to not form an immediate opinion. The thoughts came forth that you cannot make others act as you would wish them to and don’t make it about you, but instead try to see where the other person is coming from and maybe not answer so quickly. Give all parties involved a chance to step away and think. I shocked myself. I saw the old me reacting in new ways to life’s situations. I had changed. I actually was applying all I’ve learned over these past months without even thinking about it.
I just read something a few minutes ago and now it is making perfect sense:
“The more important the lesson, the longer the cycle to work it out and work it through.” ~ Melody Beattie
I am learning to trust the process of this cycle, but more importantly, I am, just today, learning to respect it. All of us are constantly trying to adjust to something new either coming into our lives or going out of it. Just as we think we’re going backward, we turn around and take a big leap forward without even thinking about it. It causes us to pause, say “Wow, I really have changed.” Trust the process.
Trust, also, in God to direct the process. In a card I received recently from a friend, it said:
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” ~ Jeremiah 33:3
That just about sums up my day yesterday.
And so, as two days go by, yes, I guess you can “teach an old dog new tricks”, and …I have written.
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