In a novel I am reading today, I came across something that I thought was quite novel:
“Perhaps almost anyone could love, he thought; it was the loving back that seemed to count for everything.”
When people are nice to us, do things for us, buy us things, entertain us in their homes, regularly call and email us, and show genuine love for us, it’s easy to thank them and reciprocate all their kind gestures. We think we are “loving them back”. How wrong we are. We are merely enjoying and acknowledging their feelings for us when life is good.
“Loving back” is an entirely different ballgame. What about when life wasn’t so good for us and these people were still there for us? What about the nights they sat up all night when we were scared, angry, alone, and in pain? What about the countless tears and prayers alike they shared with us? What about all our indiscretions they accepted without judgement, no matter what we did? Do we reciprocate that stuff too? Or do we just reciprocate the “good, easy” stuff?
Herein lies the a..ha moment. The crux of “loving back” involves unconditional forgiveness for their indiscretions and requires us to give of ourselves when those who really love us, really need us, in times of their own darkness. “Loving back” involves hearts touching hearts in times of trouble. “Loving back” means offering love and acceptance no matter what they did, just as they always did to us.
Yes, I have to agree with the character in my novel – almost anyone can love – it’s the loving back that counts for everything. The ability to love back is what fulfills and rounds out your life and brings peace. If you are able to put yourself aside, reach out, forgive and understand a friend’s mistake, you are truly giving a piece of yourself that counts way more than the “thank you” you offered for your birthday gift.
And so, as another day goes by, we learn loving back is what truly knits hearts together, makes marriages, makes families, makes best friends and soul-mates, and defines forever. And …I have written.
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