Today when I entered the hot room, a group of my friends were set up congregated in the third and fourth rows. I decided, after being forced to vacate my front row left corner last Friday by the teacher, I would venture into the back row today. Of course, I headed to the back right corner. If I couldn’t have the mirror, at least I could have two walls, right? One of my friends began to looked panicked as I set my mat down in a spot she loved and clearly counted on using today. I had no problem scooting over and practicing between two people – still had a wall behind me, right? I was happy to please her and just as happy when I get bounced out of my expectations. Didn’t I just spend all day yesterday touting how I finally enter that room everyday with no expectations? (My, I’m full of the rhetorical today, aren’t I?)
Anyway, we all happily settled into our back room camps and waited to begin class. As soon as we all stood up, I knew I was going to be writing about “my view from the back” today because right away I saw there wasn’t one. In front of me was a sea of bodies and not only couldn’t I find a sliver of me in the mirror, I couldn’t find the mirror.
Pranayama breathing was an adventure not being able to watch my stomach do its beautiful thing. (It’s the only time I’d ever use the words “beautiful” and “my stomach” in the same sentence.) Proceeding through half-moon, awkward, and eagle without being able to see myself do them, began awakening a fear of the balancing series. After the break
came standing head to knee and that’s where the magic of the back row began to rear its power. I didn’t have the sense of sight to carry me through my most difficult pose. Not being able to focus on my standing leg and locked knee in the mirror, gave me that “uh-oh” feeling. Then it suddenly clicked as I extended my leg out in front of me – I didn’t have the sense of sight – the only sense that actually matters during the standing series. Hearing the teacher was redundant. Tasting and smelling were useless. The only sense left that I could tap into was that of touch – feeling the pose happen. I have to say that was a revelation today. Instead of checking my knee in the mirror, I relaxed and “felt” my leg push forward, instead of watching it. I felt it in my lower back and my knee and in my grip. I felt things I never noticed before because my eyes were so focused on the mirror, that all the other really good, helpful sensations were gone by the wayside. I didn’t do the pose any better than any other day, but the sensations of falling out and not having the mirror to help me get back in, certainly changed the experience for me.
There is a price to pay by wearing blinders. There is a price to pay by focusing so much on one aspect of yourself. There is price to pay by insisting there’s no need to move from the spot you’re in because nothing can be gained by it. Losing your “sight” and having to depend your other senses to deliver information to your mind and body is truly freeing. Today I learned to move around and see life from a different perspective.
Taking this changing of perspective one step further into our world, maybe, just maybe, we should look at the “why” when someone hurts us. It may not be us at all, but their perception and reaction to a world we have no idea about. Don’t be so quick to judge or take or assign blame. Try looking at it from their perspective – (they may be a “back row” person, while we are totally “front row”), before it’s too late and something beautiful gets killed and you miss a chance at truly making a difference.
Before I went to yoga this morning, I was overwhelmed with finishing my bedroom painting project AND cleaning the house before the gang arrives Thursday night for the holiday weekend. By the end of class I moved to a new spot in my mind, formulated a plan, and drove home relaxed and in control again. (Now, I’m not so naive to think the best laid plans can’t be thwarted, but to us humble beings, a plan is a place to start.)
And so, as another day goes by, who knew so much could be gleaned from simply extending your leg out in front of you, moving a mat, and allowing your perspective to be readjusted? And…I have written.
First, I’m impressed with your discipline and tenacity when it comes to exercise. Second, learning to really “feel” rather than watch yourself “feel” is a powerful moment. No more dependence on outside reflections!!! (that’s a pun on mirrors… sorry)
I play golf (I try to play golf) and being able to really “feel” the swing is key to a successful drive… It takes a lot of practice to really get it. And then you need an objective reflection (mirror, video or instructor) to let you know if you are really getting it right.
Very complicated. But the rewards are great if you keep at it.