Tonight on the news they were doing a sports story and talking to a team owner on the football field. Next to the owner was a young girl, very expensively dressed. As I was checking out her huge Coach bag, the thought of what it would feel like to have “real” money graced my brain – only for a brief second before I remembered I wasn’t ever going to experience that. Then next news story was about a family in need and I knew I could never sit on a pile of money and watch others go without.
I found out about seven or eight years ago there was no chance of me ever me ever winning the lottery. My husband and I played the same set of numbers since we were 30 years old. I remember praying to God over and over to please let us win. I even used to bargain with God – you know how that goes – God let me win and I’ll do wonderful things for you with the money. This went on for years, this yearning to wake up the next morning with all six numbers matching the ones parading across the bottom of the news.
Finally, about seven or eight years ago this lottery thing between me and God was settled. One day in the middle of my lottery begging prayer, I just stopped and shook my head and said to God, “I ain’t ever gonna win this, am I?” He promptly said, “You finally got it. I’ve made sure your family was taken care of all theses years. Have I ever let you down? Linda, you know as well as I do that as soon as I give you all that money you will be a poor manager of it, but even worse, you will not depend on me for your daily needs anymore. No, my dear, you are not a candidate for millionaire-hood.”
And deep down inside, I knew He was right. I knew I’d get so caught up in the money I’d make all the decisions without ever consulting God, because feeling I knew better and could do things my way was a spiritual fault of mine. (I always thought I was God’s PA) I’d only run to God after I made a huge mess. As far as managing it, I’d lose it in a matter of months because I have my father’s generous nature. Growing up we were an average, Beaver Cleaver family and did not have a lot left over at the end of each month, but if my father saw someone who desperately needed something he had, or needed money we ourselves didn’t have, he’d give it to them. Even now, if you go into my dad’s house and compliment him on something more than likely he’ll say you can have it. Back in November I remember telling him about seeing the new iPhone and telling him as soon as I had the two hundred dollars I was going to get it. He offered me the money then and there. Clearly, my dad and I could probably give away a million dollars in less time than it would take to cash the lottery check.
And the ironic thing about me wanting the million dollars? So I could keep a good amount in the bank and feel safe and secure. Here God has kept me and mine safe and secure for well over forty years. How could I ever compare that kind of security with a million dollars in my hands? Over the last eight or so years since I found out I was not a lottery candidate, I have come to view God as my banker who provides exactly what my family and I need – no more no less. No less because I have faith He’ll always take care of our needs, and no more because He knows He can’t trust me with it. I’m happy not to have the responsibility for a million dollars – bad decisions with that much money are too stressful. Right now God and I are discussing some new vehicles and few home improvements because it’s my job to take good care of all He has blessed us with so far.
And so, as another day goes by, for me, “real” faith far outweighs “real” money, and….I have written.
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