When you have a burden, the kind where you walk on each day with a heaviness in your heart and you just can’t seem to let it go, is it obsession or is it constant prayer? I’ve had this feeling of carrying a rock in the pit of my stomach for days, sometimes even months. Though I’d go about my normal daily activities and carry on my relationships as though nothing were nagging at my heart, it was always there, that “something’s not right” and I just “can’t define it with words feeling”. (This is after I’ve done everything I could think of to relieve the anxiety.) I would begin to think I was obsessing over my burden and tell myself this is bad for me and I just need to let it go and not care anymore, but one day something stopped me in my tracks and caused me to take two steps backward. I stopped to think about all the times I’ve carried a burden in the past. Did I ever put it down? No. Did I ever stop caring and walk away? No. Did the burden eventually lift? Yes. Could it be that each day I spent dragging that piano up the hill (Bruno Mars video – Grenade- he nailed it!) I was really in constant prayer, constant touch with God? Those of us of the Christian faith – what if Jesus put down the cross? What if he decided carrying the cross wasn’t “good” for him and he needed to “let it go”? Maybe he didn’t because he was in constant contact with God as long as was dragging that cross around. Did his burden ever end? Yes. (ok, so the nailing part wasn’t so great, but rising and going to heaven to sit at God’s right hand was a pretty good deal) And since he supposedly died for every crime and sin committed by man, where would we be if he decided he must “rid himself of anxiety for his own good” and put down the cross?
My thoughts are two fold today. Just what if the so-called “true meaning of Xmas” were true? And what if dragging my piano up the hill each day is really constant prayer, not anxious obsession? Daunting.
And so, as another day begins to go by, I drag rocks n pianos of all kinds, and ….I have written.
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