Today was “one of those days”. Not the kind where one thing just seems to go wrong after another. Those kind of days are engaging, energizing, and usually leave me with a sense of some kind of accomplishment.
This day was one of those super-low to no energy days. The kind I used to have back in the winter, in the early stages of my journey. I haven’t had one in over two months, so I was very surprised to find the extreme fatigue plaguing me at the end of my morning activity. I had so many ambitions for the afternoon that would keep me hopping right up until 5pm when it would be time to leave for my blog group meeting. It was the most gorgeous sunny, low humidity Cape Cod day and I planned to exercise, go for a run, and mow the grass.
Driving home from a women’s Bible study group I’m trying for the summer, ( I’m not much for organized religion and this one isn’t like that – but that’s another blog) the fatigue started taking over. When I got home, I thought lunch and a 10 minute cat-nap would have me up and out the door in no time. How wrong I was. After the cat-nap, I still couldn’t get out of my chair.
I began thinking this is ridiculous. Nothing is wrong, life in all categories is holding it’s own, and I slept great last night. I decided to put to the test the “get up and exercise and release the endorphins” theory. I dragged myself to my exercise machine. Half way through, where I was expecting that “Yeah! Now I feel strong!” feeling to kick in – nothing. I just wanted to sit down. But I pushed through and then went for a run, thinking now, this will wake me up. No dice. Still wanted to return to the chair, but once again I didn’t give in. I got out my bike and rode the neighborhood. When I got back I thought I’d be ready to tackle the lawn. Again, I just wanted the chair.
Next strategy: feel your feelings. I went back to the chair, somewhat comforted that I at least had exercised, but disappointed that my body seemed to have a severe endorphin shortage today. I lay in the chair, quieted my anxiety, and just gave in to “today I don’t feel like doing anything”, as Bruno croons daily over the airwaves. I closed my eyes and slept a bit more. Also, I hadn’t felt like eating much lunch, and still did not want food. As I gave into what I was feeling, gave myself permission to listen to my body, I felt better, but still didn’t regain much energy.
Last ditch effort – connect with others and get energized. After four I dragged myself to the shower and got ready for my blog group meeting. By the time I was in the car and on my way, I felt a spark. I arrived at Starbucks and settled myself with a yogurt – appetite was coming back – and a coffee (caffeine should do it) and played a little Words With Friends on my phone.
My group arrived shortly. We had one new member, one other member, and me. It was two hours of animated and engaging conversation. We learned, shared, and connected in a writer’s way. My energy returned and by the end of our meeting, I was myself again. There was actually a spring in my step as I made my way to my car.
I really think the turning point of my day was giving into the messages my body was sending and taking the time to feel what I was feeling and giving it the chance to run it’s course. It’s not fun while going through it, but it’s quicker and easier than denying it. I always had trouble accepting the negative, but I’m learning it can’t be a bed of roses everyday and sometimes “what is” just has to be what it is and I have to let it go at that. “Feel your feelings, then let them go” proved itself once again.
And so, as another day goes by, I continue on the downside of the beach path, treading slippery sand carefully, and…I have written.
Another beautiful reading Linda. Thank you! Have you ever considered yourself an Empath? If so, I wonder if something sapped your energy that day.