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August 21st, 2011 I always hear “If God is so wonderful why does he allow bad things to happen?” My thinking is that God gives us free will to exercise as we see fit, and plain and simple, we screw up.
I’m just as guilty as the the next person in asking “Why, God, did you let that happen to me?” Usually I can answer this question almost as soon as I ask it. It happened because I took matters back into my own hands and God uses these situations to draw my eyes back to Him – but only if they want to go. I have the free will to not pay attention and continue down the road in my own way, though I have to tell you, for me this never turns out well.
At first, before something strikes my life, God will give me gentle warning about what to do or not to do. If I disregard it and continue down that road, the warnings will get louder. If I still refuse to heed the warning, God will “smack me upside the head” and I still don’t have to listen, but by now my world is in shambles, all the progress I have made is down the drain, and I’m back to square one. It’s the old Dr. Phil question, “So, how’s that workin’ for ya?” The answer is always the same, “Not very well.”
Obviously it’s easier to heed the whispers, so why don’t I? Most often I don’t heed the whisper because God’s way is not my way. My way is always so much faster and easier and has a clear path in sight. God’s way most often involves Him asking me to do some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do for reasons unbeknown to me.
So why would I choose God’s way if it’s so hard and hazy? Because as hard as it is, as obscure the path, it is the way that’s always filled with peace. My way, though clear, fast, and easy, is often filled with chaos and fear. I think this is so, because if I’m the manager, the manipulator, and the decision maker, there is a lot of pressure to get things right. Whereas if my hands are by my side, even though it’s hard to keep them there, I have no worry because I’m not the one in charge.
I think I’m finally ready to give up thinking I’m God’s assistant. The job carries too much pressure and causes a lot of heartburn and sleepless nights. I will put my hands down by my side and venture in the direction He wants me to go, even if it is the hardest way. At least I will sleep and wake in peace and save a lot of money on Tums.
And so, as another day goes by, I have exercised my free will, and I have written.
August 20th, 2011 Here I sit on my patio watching the shadows of the trees move about the lawn, Mojito in my right hand, my dad and hubby seated to my left, and I couldn’t be happier. We have tried to bring my dad out here this past year since my mom died many times, but something always got in the way. This weekend we managed it.
My mind and my thoughts today echo nothing but peace and contentment. I give gratitude for moments like this. So many of my busy days are filled with “if only I had” or “if only I could”. Not today. Today I care not about yesterday or tomorrow. Today I am living in the precious moment of spending time with my dad and sharing my home with him.
I am doing just what I said I was going to do this weekend – take a break from thinking and enjoy summer. I hope you are too.
And so, as another day goes by, I spend it in the here n now, and….I have written.
August 19th, 2011 Today was the last day of summer camp -aka the close of this year's Cape Cod Writer's Conference. We all said goodbye to our friends, both new and old, exchanged email addresses, formed writer's groups, gathered up our notebooks, along with all our new learning, and headed out to our cars. As I walked down the road I felt my bag was light, but my brain was heavier than when I arrived five days ago. Such a tremendous amount of new information, concepts and feelings compelled me to hurry home and try to file it all somehow. Approaching the bottom of the hill where I had parked my car, the rough draft of my manuscript felt like a secret treasure in my bag. Next comes the daunting task of bringing it to fruition.
Driving down the beach road, the song "The Climb" comes on. How appropriate. I tend to disagree that it's all about "the climb". To me, what's on the other side of the mountain very much matters. I do want the reward of seeing a finished book within the next year, despite how many more mountains will always follow. I think seeing what's on the other side is what drives us to attempt the next mountain.
Going to the grocery store switched my gears toward the weekend. My husband is bringing my dad out for a visit. I thought, silly song – and promptly decided to leave all my new learning in my bag and take the weekend off. Off from thinking and reworking concepts and ideas. It's been a long, but very good week. Now I just want to enjoy summer for a few days. Gears soundly shifted, I bought my two chickens (cheap chicken Friday at the local Stop N Shop is another story) and some nice wine and headed home to await their arrival.
Join me. Put whatever your week held, aside, and enjoy the last bit of summer.
And so, as another summer camp goes by, I think I feel the barest hint of fall in the air despite the stifling humidity, and …I have written.
August 18th, 2011 Today was a short day. In class it was share day. We were asked to share our picture book or the first page of our chapter book to be discussed by the class. I politely declined this invitation. I knew my picture book wasn't ready, and, rather unusual for me, this has been more of a listening class than a participatory one. That tells me one thing. I still have much to learn and a lot of work to do on my book.
Picture books are generally under a 1000 words. Mine is only 500. Most people say "How hard is it to write only 500 words?" Well, when you are trying to communicate something important to a young child, it's VERY hard. Don't get me wrong – I love my book. I love it's message. I love my character. I see her doing all kinds of things in a series. That is precisely why I want to slow this whole boat down. Someday, when some teacher reads my book to her class, I want it to come off just right. I want the words to hit home. I want the children to feel the magic. That is why, now, in it's initial stages, I must take great care with every sentence. I must take great care with how each sentence connects with the next. I must take great care with how each page flows into the next. My goal? Work on it all winter and take the same class next summer and pay $150 for a mentoring session with the instructor, and move on from there.
A project such as this, that is meant to touch the lives of children, deserves deference and great care.
And so, as another day goes by, in this life, sometimes the spirit needs to be tempered, and ….I have written.
August 17th, 2011 “Words must have texture like a crisp fall apple.”
“Live every day as if it’s your last because one day you’ll be right!”
….is the way day 3 of summer camp ended. Both of tonight’s keynote speakers were excellent, but the gentleman that I quoted above was absolutely enchanting. Malachy McCourt became a NY Times Best Selling author at the age of 66. He grew up poor, in Limerick Ireland and never made it past sixth grade due to not passing the Primary Exam. He is going to be eighty years old next month and is currently finishing his third book “I Never Drink When I’m Sober”.
We have much to learn from people that have lived twenty years longer than we have. As I sat in that tabernacle and looked at the people around me in the audience, many of whom are published authors and also older than me, with the salty smell of low tide on the nearby beach wafting through the building, I suddenly grasped the real meaning of “feeling small beside the ocean”. From Mr. McCourt on the stage, to all the people I talked and shared with throughout the day, I hold great respect for their talent in this daunting craft.
Writing is hard work. Yes, it’s passionate, exhilarating, and fun, but it IS hard work. Just like any other craft, once you sit down to create it, next comes the examining and critiquing of your creation. Herein begins the uncovering of layer after layer of rules, truths, dos and dont’s discovered and patiently set down by those who have written before us to be shared with us aspiring writers so we don’t have to reinvent the wheel. While that is a good thing, it just shows you how high the pyramid is and you are nothing but a tiny brick on the bottom row with so much to learn and so far to go.
Malachy McCourt’s wit, storytelling, and obvious success late in life, with no education, certainly is an inspiration to those of us at the bottom of the pyramid. I think he swooped in and saved a weary group from a long day spent learning how much we have yet to learn. He ended the evening with an Irish song in which we all joined in and then left laughing and ready to come back tomorrow and do it all again.
And so, as another day goes by, I give gratitude for all the footprints in front of me, and…I have written.
August 16th, 2011 Day 2 of my writing conference has been a day of learning little things – none of which connect to each other in any way, but yet come in handy at different times.
It all started in my morning meditation where the theme was not always looking at ourselves as traveling toward some end product we are supposed to end up as, but to just accept ourselves for the beings we are everyday:
“Once during the day, think of who you are as living energy and not as a goal to be achieved or an obstacle to be overcome. Feel yourself without inventory.” ~ Nepo
I really like that line “feel yourself without inventory”. Just for awhile stop judging and adjusting yourself. This concept releases me from designing the kind of writer I am going to be, and just leave it up to God and see what I come up with.
Next came my writing class. Today we discussed much about character, dialogue, and setting. Even after teaching these topics for years, I found out that there was still so much I didn’t know. Also, I thought I had a great beginning to my story, and once again I found out I did the very thing you never do. Leaving class and walking to lunch to hear Charles Coe, a poet, I was a little discouraged, but shaking it off.
Upon reaching the tabernacle and settling on a bench with my lunch, I anticipated a half hour of poetry reading. I was pleasantly surprised when Mr. Coe said he’d read a little poetry, but mainly he wanted to talk to us as writers. His topic – having your writing laid out and cut open by members of your writing group, your writing partner, teachers, and editors. He talked about a friend who suffered such discouragement in these situations, as he himself did, too. His friend told him of one teacher who changed his perception of this entire experience. The teacher told him that she was critiquing his mistakes not because his writing was bad, but because it was good and worth working on. She said it was not revision – it was a chance to polish it til’ it shines. Ironically, it was just what I needed to hear.
After lunch I left and had some errands at the mall. I decided to go into Borders and do some research. Since this business of beginnings of picture books was now high on my radar, I went to the children’s section, sat on the floor, and read the beginning sentence of at least 50 books. Again, helpful. I was inspired to go home, armed with what I learned, and write at least five different beginnings for mine. Put in some work, until I see what I’m seeking. My instructor, Sara Pennypacker, talks about how hard and long she sometimes works on one sentence until she gets just the right combination of words. She is an excellent mentor – really shows how very different writing for children is compared to writing for adults.
After leaving the children’s section I found myself in the diet and nutrition section. I needed a “manual” to ramp up my diet. I settled on The New Abs Diet For Women. I sat and read some, then bought it on my kindle. I’ve been reading it since I came home. It is very in depth about what certain foods do and don’t do for women and I think it’s going to be very helpful in changing my eating ways, and it also includes an exercise routine I can handle in addition to my yoga. I will keep you posted on how this goes.
Such a day – inspiration, book beginnings, discouragement, poetry, encouragement, research, shopping, food and exercise. This will all have to be combined and smoothed together in my dreams tonight.
And so, as another day goes by, I am definitely “feeling myself without inventory”, and…I have written.
August 15th, 2011 I put down my paintbrush and picked up the pen. Today was the first day of the Cape Cod Writers Center Annual Summer Conference held at the Craigville Conference Center. This is my second year attending and it’s what I describe as day camp for adults. I love the fact that you don’t ever have to have written a thing to attend. There’s so much to learn and so many new and interesting people to meet, taking any course is a wonderful experience.
This year I am taking Writing for Children by best selling author of the Clementine books, Sara Penneypacker. My class is at 10:15 – perfect time. I get there (in the pouring rain that did not let up all day) in plenty of time to register and walk up the hill in the drizzle to my class. I find a wonderful seat next to a table, off to the side of the room. I have coffee and all kinds of paraphernalia and I don’t dare sit among the row of chairs because I know I’ll spill the coffee. I think I’m safe in my corner when here comes the teacher with her notebook of handouts. She asks if I’m going to sit there for class and would I please hand these out when she signals me to do so. Now my coffee is next to the class handouts. I don’t trust myself. I place it on the window sill. Still don’t trust myself, so I drink it quickly.
The class was wonderful. We learned about why humans read stories. Humans are curious and want suspense and mystery. Humans are hedonistic and read for pleasure. Humans are tribal and have a need to feel connected. Humans seek self-understanding in stories that reveal humanity and shows readers who they are. Humans are wired for a story – one that has voice and shows confidence. It was a new way to think and consider books as a writer, not as a reader.
The class ended with each of us sharing who we were and why we were there. My classmates are extremely interesting people – from the elderly woman who told us she doesn’t have many more years to live and wants to write a story to leave her grandchildren to the nature scientist that has been asked to mix fact with a fictional story for fifth graders, and all of us retired teachers in between, who after teaching writing for umpteen years using children’s literature, it’s now our turn to write it.
After class I went to hear people pitch their books, followed by a long lunch with my writer friend Shirley. Stayed and had dinner with many more interesting people, after which we all attended the evening keynote speakers. One was an editor from Kennsington publishing company and it was so interesting to hear about the writing process from the editor’s point of view. Next was neuroscientist Lisa Genova author of Still Alice and Left Neglected. Both books on the NY Times bestseller list. I read them both, loved them, and thoroughly enjoyed hearing her share the back story of how they came to be from a scientist who never intended to write anything. They are both emotionally charged fiction, built on the scientific facts of Alzheimer’s and left neglect brain diseases.
All together a very good first day. Sometimes we need to move out of that which it is we do everyday, and almost like a 5 day vacation, walk in a different world. Be influenced by new and fascinating people. Take in and process new information. Summer camp does that to children and adults alike. If there’s one near you, I highly recommend it.
And so, as another day goes by, I go to bed looking forward to what tomorrow will bring, and …I have written.
August 13th, 2011 Today is my birthday and I celebrate 58 years of life. I do this by giving gratitude beyond measure. I have been blessed with:
1. Loving parents who showed me what true love, through thick n thin, was.
2. An education that prepared me for my career life.
3. A career that brought me smiles day after day in the eyes of the children I taught.
4. A husband, that I have known since I was 9 years old, that has been there for me for 36 years.
5. Beautiful daughters that make me proud everyday.
6. A retired life that let's me live in the most beautiful part of our United States on the ocean.
7. Friends and activities, that along with my children, still inspire me and keep me young.
Sometimes I feel I don't deserve it all, but I do firmly believe that one's birthday is a day to stop and take stock of all that we were given and give gratitude for our place in this life.
Even if it isn't your birthday, share mine with me. All of us have a purpose, no matter how small or insignificant, in this life to make a difference. If you are a parent, your children's future rests in your hands. If you are a teacher, firefighter, clerk, secretary, run a home business, nurse, health care provider, etc. – YOU are important to this world. YOU have special gifts to give everyday. YOU are an important link in the universe. Stop today, and join me, and give thanks for who you are, right where you are. Then go on and have a fabulous weekend to refuel and ready yourself to go out and do it all again Monday morning.
And so, as another day goes by, happy birthday to all of us and all we stand for, thanks for sharing mine with me, and …I have written.
August 12th, 2011 Each day I take another step down the hot, slippery sand. Now, almost 8 months into the journey, the slippery steps are fewer, but they still occur and threaten to set me and my beach gear down on my butt in that hot sand. Wednesday was a slip sliddin’ day. Yesterday threatened to be one, but as soon as woke up and felt the slide, I asked God to change it. Asked Him to turn around my attitude and thinking. It was amazing. Within ten minutes He showed me some more “great and unsearchable things I did not know”, such as stop worrying about what’s “needed” and to just go out there and “be”.
I was immediately energized and ready for yoga. I came home full of energy to mow the lawn. I was so excited about teaching my Young Authors class in the evening. The kids and I had a wonderful time – leaving me ending the day on such a high. Then two daughters called and talked excitedly about the happenings in their lives. Then my husband called full of fun plans for the weekend. I barely had time for Words With Friends! Life was good last night.
This morning I thanked Him and asked for Him to keep me going in a forward, positive, direction. Guess what? Another great day of yoga, mowing the rest of the lawn, washing the car, vacuuming the garage, and waiting for my husband. Today I decided work was good. Thinking back to the long winter days when I couldn’t move out of the chair, I see how far I had to climb to get up the beach path, and I now appreciate my journey down the other side. These two days the steps were firm and my legs were strong and steady. Below, my hero, Father Tim, sums it up better than I can.
And so, as another day goes by, I will gladly do the grunting and leave the heavy lifting to Him, and…I have written.
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