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June 1st, 2011 I have looked at forgiveness from all angles in the past month. Now I ask, how does one go about doing it? Why can’t I forgive the wrongs done to me? Why can’t I, more than forgive, begin to trust again?
The step to achieving the above is to drop the judgement and see through the eyes of the other person. Judgement is the root of all things that need to be forgiven. Judgement keeps us in an emotional prison, from which we cannot grow, love, or trust fully. By judging others, we rob ourselves of the joy of living our lives fully.
People in our lives will always do things that hurt us now and then, and because we are scared and insecure, our first reaction is to judge what they did, preventing forgiveness. Instead, we need to step back and quiet ourselves. Then take a moment and put ourselves in their shoes. Think about why that person may have done what they did. Many times we’ll find it didn’t have anything to do with hurting us at all, but was a reaction to something going on in their own lives. We must meet them with compassion, instead of judgment. If they are good people, that have touched our lives in a positive way, we must meet them and work together to get over or around the bump in the road. If it is a toxic, abusive relationship, we still must forgive, with compassion, without judgement, and then extricate them from our lives in the name of self-care, for our own protection. We must do unto them as we would have them do unto us. We are all connected on this Earth and everything we do either pushes the world in a positive direction or contributes to the pain and negativity already out there.
“Rising above judgement is necessary because only when the broken are healed, no matter what they have done, then we, as a people, can heal.” ~ Mark
Below is an excerpt from a book I just finished. Made perfect sense to me. I had to highlight it and share it with you.
And so, as another day goes by, compassion > judgement = peace,
and….I have written.
May 31st, 2011 A month ago I came across a song that burned it’s chorus into my head. Everyday in savasana in yoga, I gaze up at the ceiling and sing the chorus in my mind in order to lie there in complete and utter stillness. This is the chorus:
“I lift my eyes to the maker of the mountains I can’t climb.
I lift my eyes to the calmer of the oceans raging wild.
I lift my eyes to the healer of the hurt I hold inside.
I lift my eyes. I lift my eyes. I lift my eyes.”
This chorus helped me lift my eyes to the ceiling and keep them there without even blinking. Also, when I found this song, I was in tremendous emotional pain and everyday as I sang it, I’d picture that mountain so high and me sitting huddled at the bottom of it. The yoga was hard. Living life was hard. Eventually I trained myself to “lift my eyes” anytime my thoughts were heading to painful things. I’d be out walking and I would “lift my eyes” to the sky between the trees above me. I’d be sitting in my rocking chair and I’d “lift my eyes” to the peak of the cathedral ceiling in our family room. I learned, by simply “lifting my eyes”, to give the control back to God, where it belongs. In life, as in yoga, do something everyday, and it becomes part of your life. You can rewrite your thinking, which eventually will improve all parts of your life.
Now, well over a month later, just last week in savasana, I began singing “I lift my eyes to the mountain I CAN climb” and I picture myself climbing. I’m not quite half way up yet, but at least I’m not still huddled at the bottom.
And so, as another day goes by, “I lift my eyes, I lift my eyes, I lift my eyes” and …I have written.
May 30th, 2011 Today is a day for remembering those who put on a uniform and have the passion to fight for a cause. That cause is us, people they don’t even know. They don’t know each of our lots in life, but yet they are out there fighting for our right to have the lives we have now. Look at where you are today. You may love the life you are living. If so, take a moment to give gratitude for those making it possible. If you don’t particularly like what your life is today, give gratitude that you have freedom to change it if you so choose. Maybe today in honor of those fighting for your right to choose, pledge to make one small change that will improve your current situation. This incremental change you make today may seem minuscule, but it could alter the course of your life. The first principle of the modern “Chaos Theory”, simplified, says “that a tiny change at the beginning of a process will result in potentially major changes later on in that process”. Sailors have always known that a minor error in setting their course at the beginning of a journey will result in major deviation from their destination the longer the journey continues. Thus, if you were sailing from Cape Cod to France, the error of a few degrees could land you in Africa. This theory, applied to a small positive change made in your life today, could significantly change the destiny of your future journey.
Today, embrace what you DO have and your right to have it, and/or change it, in honor of those willing to fight for your freedom to do so.
And so, as another day goes by, “I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free, and I won’t forget the men who lived and died for me”* , and….I have written.
* Proud To Be An American ~ Lee Greenwood
May 29th, 2011 There are times when we have troubles with people we love. It could be a child, teen, young adult, parent, friend, sibling, etc. What we all need to understand is that sometimes people need to spin about in their own hurricane for awhile. While this hurts and saddens us, it is necessary for their own personal growth – and for ours. While estranged from a loved one, we become, through our pain, more aware of ourselves and how we “operate”. The time away is better spent looking at ourselves and how we can grow from this, instead of focusing on sadness and anger.
I came across something a father wrote after his fourteen year old son stomped out of the house after an argument. It was such a beautiful statement, I had to share it with you:
He said to himself, “Maybe the best way I can love him is to find an island and sit quietly until his hurricane passes.”
I thought to myself, what a tender and beautiful example of turning anger into love, instead of turning it into heartache. While your loved one is sitting in their hurricane, figuring life out, forgive them, forgive yourself, and then give them the space and time they need to forgive you.
It is, perhaps, the best way to love them.
And so, as another day goes by, lessons of how to love someone come in many different packages, and…I have written.
May 28th, 2011 Garage sailing (I use sailing because my unwanted goods are sailing away) is a day spent with coffee in the morning, wine in the afternoon, in my chair talking to a lot of nice, interesting people and neighbors that come visit my sale, whom I don't have to entertain, and they haul away my trash on their way out, paying me to do it. I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday. I've only been open for an hour and already I've been talking and laughing with the most delightful people! One woman's elderly mother said, "You smell!" and her daughter looked at her horrified and said, "Mom!". Her mom said, "Oh no! I mean it's pretty!" She wanted to know what kind of perfume I had on! Oh we laughed til tears came! All the wonderful energy these people leave me is way more precious than their money.
The spring garage sale, has always been, for me, winter's right of passage to the summer season still ahead. Letting go of all that has accumulated and cluttered over another year. Purging – as my dear friend Donna calls it. She and I had a some good discussions this week on how good it feels to "drop some baggage", clean up, and feel light and free.
The actual physical movement of goods from the basement to the garage is also good for the mind and spirit. The clean space left in the basement was in itself a spirit booster. Getting lost in the moving, setting up, and pricing of my merchandise rested my mind, and gave my thoughts a chance to move around in the background, marinate, and settle the monkey mind. Pain held deep inside was eased a bit, just as it is today by the spirits of those who pass through my garage.
And so, as another day goes by, "purging" is a good word, and …I have written.
May 27th, 2011 There are things in life that make us sad. There is no escaping this. Sadness comes in varying degrees. Some sadness is brief, and drifts away on its own in a moment or a day. Other sadness arrives, ripping a hole in our heart, and takes up residence there for a long time. With this kind of longterm sadness you need a plan, or you will drown in it.
This kind of sadness has graced my life this year and I almost drowned in it. Very slowly I found, inch by inch, day by day, that I made a plan. My plan was to do new and different things that had nothing to do with the past. My first clue that this was to be the plan was music. I had to completely change what I listened to and listen to music I wasn’t familiar with. Next was people. I had to go out and make new friends that weren’t associated with the source of my sadness. While my sadness remained, and because I had to feel and experience it in order to push through it, other things were needed so I was not consumed by it.
I came upon this solution accidentally, in my morning meditation. Mark Nepo said it more eloquently than I ever could.
“The idea here is not to divert the sadness, but to give it a context from life other than what is making you sad. Just as a ginger can lose its bitterness when baked in bread, sadness can be leavened by other life. When feeling the sharpness of being sad or hurt, it helps to take new things in. This pours the water of life on the fire of the heart. So when exhausted from expressing all that hurt, listen to music you’ve never heard of, or ask someone to tell you an old story from before your birth, or take a drive down a road near a ridge you’ve always meant to look out from. Look with your sad eyes on things new to you that will give you something to do with your sadness. Your sadness is the paint. You must find a canvas.”
My canvas has been this blog, and my words on moving through pain, my paint. The journey back to a self I haven’t seen for a long time has given me a place to put my sadness. The pictures have grown brighter over the past month. As I remain in the “ebb tide”, the energy of impending movement builds daily. A whole new self has grown underneath the sadness and is slowly emerging. Taking in new things is helping the new me appear a little more each day. I am discovering there is more to life than that which is making me sad. Just like the tide, the sadness is ebbing and moving slowly away.
And so, as another day goes by, I am letting windows teach me how to let light in, and ….I have written.
May 26th, 2011 “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”
– Albert Schweitzer
I can’t think of a more fitting quote for Oprah’s departure. She’s been an icon in my home and in the lives of my daughters growing up, but her farewell show yesterday was truly one of a kind. For the first time we saw Oprah as both the host and guest of her own show. Once the stage was stripped of guests, surprises, causes, fanfare, etc. all that remained was a chair, a box of tissues, a glass of water, and the lady herself. She took the stage and talked to all of us for one hour. She shared her insights and beliefs as I have never heard her do before, without interruption. A lot of times, over the years, I was interested in hearing Oprah’s views, but she always stopped talking to ask her guest a question, giving them the platform. Yesterday, it was all her. No prescribed topic other than to thank all of us, she spoke from the heart about many topics that struck home. I finally had my first Oprah “ah..ha” moment. ( just in time)
In one hour she made me see that I have always been worthy “blooming wherever I have been planted”. Teaching for 35 years MATTERED in the lives of many children, raising two beautiful happy children of my own is a way to pass on more good and beauty to those that will cross their paths, and now, in retirement, I am using my words as God sees fit to help others who may be walking where I have walked. As much as I have always tried to help others, I’ve always felt I never quite did enough – I never made a difference on an “Oprah level”. My husband spent a lot of time trying to convince me that I did a lot in the way of service with my life. Let’s say I knew it in my head, but now I feel it in my heart. I am happy with myself for what I have done, and what I am doing now, thanks to many of the things Oprah said yesterday. I learned that it’s okay to feel the joy of being worthy. Worthiness is God’s gift to us for doing whatever He has called us to do.
When the lady giving the facial described her job as making someone’s day, I was truly touched with the message that no matter where we live, what career path we have chosen, as long as it is done with God’s blessing, and we are acting on His behalf, moving people forward in their lives, we are worthy. You can be Oprah with Tyler Perry on stage, or you can be me smiling at a stranger in the checkout line, and to God, we are both doing what we were put on this earth for – to make someone’s day; to add joy or healing to another life.
Today I’d just like to say thank you Oprah, for rekindling a spark that has been snuffed out by those who have misjudged and misunderstood me. There is nothing that will bring you to your knees faster than living your life being the best person you possibly can, and being told you’re less than nothing and none of what you have done was worth it. Don’t ever give into being robbed of who you are and your integrity if you are out there day after day trying to make the world a better place, with a pure heart.
Thank you Oprah for lifting the umbrella of injustice that I have allowed to be placed over me, enabling me to move on with a clear heart. I’ve recorded the show and I think I will play it often for inspiration.
And so, as another day goes by, Oprah walks off the stage leaving me forever changed, and …I have written.
May 25th, 2011 As I sit here on the first beautiful beach day on Cape Cod, first through ebb tide, and now as I watch the waves push themselves toward me, I remember the tidal thoughts I had in yoga class this morning. The ebb and flow of the class can be likened to the tide cycle.
The standing series is very much like low tide. It moves slowly, carefully inching me into my practice. Pranayama breathing is controlled in and out, always grabbing then releasing air, much like the outgoing tide first grabs, then releases pieces of the sand bar. Half moon to the right, is always me stretching myself further toward things. Half moon to the left, is seeing how far I can go before I have to retreat. Backbend is always bending over backwards for the people I love. Standing head to knee is always about losing and regaining my grip. Standing bow and balancing stick are all about reaching for a mirror I will never touch, but I do it daily, anyway. Tree and toe stand are all about regaining my balance in preparation to change direction.
The two minute savasana is the ebb tide. I don't move at all. Just lie there and let the journey I just took pulling away, stretching, and breathing, take hold. At the end of the last minute it's time for wind removing pose. The first movement of heading back toward shore. Then comes the force of the first sit-up. Now I know I am once again rushing toward the shore I left so far in the distance. The forward movement is always more forceful, requiring strength in the next four floor postures on my stomach. The spine is now required to lift, squeeze, and hold. Fixed firm and half tortoise ready me for the big push – camel – that lands me back up on the beach with a vengeance as I struggle to hold it to the end. Now, finally from rabbit through spine twist, I reclaim the beach where I began 90 minutes ago.
One complete yoga class. One complete tide cycle. Yoga class daily reshaping my mind, body and spirit, just as the tide is reshaping this shoreline in front of me. Change, whether we love it or hate it, happens to us incrementally as we move through our days. Trying not to change would be like stopping this tide from going out again. Somedays I do not like what the tide did to my beach. It exposed rocks and littered it with seaweed through and over which I must navigate painfully and uncomfortably. Somedays, especially in January, I love what the tide has done to my beach. It covers the painful rocks with beautiful stretches of smooth sand and gives me a soft path to walk. Just as somedays I don't like the pain change pronounces me with, and yet, other days I welcome the things change has graced my life with.
I have no control over how I am going to find my beach tomorrow, just as I have no control over how I am going to find me, tomorrow, either.
As so, as another day goes by, I hug my knees tighter to my chest as another ebb tide begins, and …I have written.
May 24th, 2011 I have received a few requests about what the Prayer of Jabez is, so today I will share it. Here it is:
“Lord, bless ME indeed,
Enlarge my territory,
Keep your hand on me,
Keep me from evil so I may not cause
pain. “
That’s it. So little. So powerful. Now, I get those numerous chain mails that tell you to pray a prayer and send it to ten people and you will get your wish. This is about as far away from any of those as the east is from the west. This is not making a wish. This is asking God to change your life, profoundly. Not asking for anything specific. Just asking. And waiting to see God work before your very eyes. You have no idea what His next path is for you and He’s just waiting for you to ask to be shown. Let’s look at the prayer line by line.
“Lord, bless ME indeed”
Seems a bit conceited, huh? Stop to think. If God doesn’t bless you first, how will you be able to help others? The kicker is, God has blessings for us everyday, but we must remember to ask. In the prayer book, one story illustrates it this this way:
“A man died and went to heaven. It was beautiful, just like we all imagine. He was so happy there. He was told he could go anywhere he wanted in all of heaven, except through one door. The man, of course, didn’t listen and went through the door. He found a huge room full of rows and rows of white boxes tied with beautiful ribbons and arranged by name, alphabetically. He couldn’t wait to find his row. When he found the boxes with his name on them, there were hundreds. He was really excited to start opening them. Someone came walking down the aisle. He looked at the person and said, “Here are my boxes! What’s in them?” The person said,”Your blessings.” He looked at him and said, “My blessings?”. The person said, “Yes. All the blessings God had for you everyday that you were down on earth.” The man said, “But I never got them!” The person said, “You never asked for them.” The man spent a long time opening the boxes and crying over all he missed out on in his life because he never asked.
That right there was enough for me to ask everyday for my blessings!
Second line:
“Enlarge my territory”
Look out for this one! My friends, this is giving God free rein with your life. This is where the ride of your life begins. Asking God to enlarge your territory opens your life to places, people, and possibilities that you would never, ever, begin to imagine would enter your life. Just remember what I said, and hang on tight if you pray this.
Third line:
“Keep your hand upon me”
Obviously if you’re going on the ride of your life, you don’t want to go alone. In the things you will be called to do, you will need all the help you can get. While exhilarating and fulfilling, your blessings will take you places that will cause you to doubt if you can go there, or do this and you will need constant reassurance.
Last line:
“Keep me from evil, so I may not cause pain”
Again, if you’re on the ride of your life, stepping on a land mine is the last thing you need. You have to ask God daily to ward off evil, which crosses our paths in many forms, disguised, and can cause us to hurt, more than help.
It’s funny, in just these few lines we’re given all the tools we need to change our lives, enter into the mission of helping others and serving God, and receiving blessings that are beyond our wildest dreams. I know. Been there. Done that. Doing it again.
As I said yesterday, somewhere along last year, I stopped praying the prayer. The tide went out on me again. I’m once again in ebb tide, praying the prayer again, getting ready for the tide to come back in, with a vengeance.
I’m signing up for another tour of duty. (My family better hold on – here we go again, kids!) The last seven years saw our lives pried up out of a rut of 26 years and moved through three houses, and one apartment, across two states. People entered our lives that have changed us deeply and took us all over the country. Two college educations have been completed across two states, relationships, jobs, apartments and journeys through cities that were neither planned or imagined were made. Five people have been changed deeply and profoundly as a result of the blessings gained from this prayer daily, over seven years.
A new book has just come out -“The Prayer of Jabez for Women” by Darlene Marie Wilkinson. I just finished it last night. If she wasn’t writing about me, then I don’t know who she was writing about. Maybe you? LOL! I found more wisdom and understanding in that book than in all 75 books I have in my kindle! It’s a worth it read, but beware – if you start praying that prayer – you’re in for the ride of your life – hang on!
And so, as another day goes by, I can’t wait to see what’s next for me and my family, and ….I have written.
May 23rd, 2011 When the tide of our life goes creeping out far away from the shoreline, that which we knew and held onto so tightly, slowly slips away. Then we sit. Wondering when the tide will turn and make its way back to the shore. When will it advance and cover over and smooth out all the painful marks we made on the sandbar? This waiting time is called the ebb tide. The water just sits quietly, moving neither in nor out, with quiet, almost silent, lapping waves.
The ebb tides of our lives are times that we, just like the water, must sit quiet. We must wait to feel forward movement again. We must listen to the stillness of the of the water. Time to huddle up, sit down on the sand, grab our knees in close, and just watch the horizon, wait, and listen for God and the universe to speak. Ebb tide is a time to quiet ourselves and pay attention to what we need – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take the time to take care of ourselves as we prepare to pick up the pieces of our losses. Self-cultivation is self-preservation; the essence of the ebb tide.
When that tide begins to come back in, the waves will begin pounding with a vengeance as the water makes it way back up on the beach. My bed is against the wall that faces the ocean. The other night I was lying there watching tv, when I felt a constant thud and swooshing right behind my head. I couldn’t believe that was the surf. I’m at least 300 feet from the shore with a marsh in between, so it was hard to believe I could feel the tide coming in behind my head while lying in bed. I muted the tv and got up and opened the window. Sure enough, it was the tide coming in. Those waves were pounding the sand with such a force, I could feel the vibration standing in my bedroom.
We have to use the ebb tide to prepare for this. You can feel a subtle energy build during ebb tide. It’s preparation for what is to come. When that tide begins to race toward shore, major shifts and life changes will come at lightening speed. That is why ebb tide is so important. It can’t be rushed and it should be embraced as a time of great self-care.
I don’t know if you have ever heard of the prayer of Jabez. It’s a tiny book, with a powerful 4 line prayer in it. About seven years ago, when my tide was going out, a friend told me about it. She told me if you pray this prayer everyday, look out, because God will change your life drastically. A week later the book arrived in the mail. She sent it to me. I started to pray the prayer. I sat praying it in ebb tide for quite awhile. Then, all of a sudden the tide turned and started coming back in. The lives of my whole family were upended and changed. The changes were so powerful and pronounced, that my children asked me to stop “praying that prayer!”. I refused, and it’s been quite a ride for all of us, for seven years.
This time last year my tide started to go back out again. It slipped away slowly for about a year now. When the calendar turned to 2011, it was so far out I couldn’t see the shoreline. I also realized somewhere around that time I had stopped praying the prayer.
Now, I am sitting in ebb tide once more. I have been reminded about that prayer by another friend. I am praying it again. I am sitting quiet on the sand, hugging my knees. I am staring at the horizon. I am listening. I am getting ready. I can feel the energy building. I need to be strong and ready when that tide comes back in, because, like I tell anyone who begins to pray this prayer, get ready for the ride of your life.
And so, as another day goes by, the ocean is quiet for now, and….I have written.
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