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Tonight hubby is at the Pats/Jets game – freezing. I am in my “corporate box” in front of the fire. Nice, quiet night, great game on, so really, is there anymore to say? Oh wait. Yes there is. Go Pats! As another day goes by, nothing like “home sweet home” tonight, and….though it’s not much, I have written. Enjoy the game! ….from our Mom, with love…… When I checked in at Bikram yoga at 7:45 this morning, I wrote “yes, I amaze myself”. After 3 glasses of wine and up talking to my husband til almost 1am, this morning my eyes opened promptly at 5:45, I was out of bed at six and felt amazing! Last night I told my husband yoga this morning was negotiable, but I felt so good, there I was at 8am, toes together, ready for pranayama breathing! Theree people pointed to me and said, “Hey! You don’t come on weekends!”. I said, “I know, but today I am amazing myself. “ The room was extra hot today and people were complaining before we started. But I knew I wasn’t going to have a breathing problem today because it’s only 35 degrees outside with very low humidity. I was right. Others had such problems, but I had a calm, amazing, class experience. The heat and sweat actually feel wonderful to me now and my body craves it like a drug. As long as the humidity is not over 40%, I can fully participate with even a smile on my face now. For 10 weeks, I had to concentrate so hard, my daughter said I looked angry during class. (when spring comes I’ll be a beginner back on my knees, but all winter I’ll be a rockstar) Thus, my experience this week: I knew more inside me was about to change. A couple rough classes, soreness in different places that doesn’t last, and extreme fatigue, always preclude another major change in my body systems. Over 10 weeks, I’ve learned this pattern about myself. Today my instructor said, “Your body is reconstructing from a cellular level”, and it struck me just how very right that is. Today I set myself up for a wonderful day with my husband, Xmas shopping in Hyannis and going to the festival of trees at the Kennedy museum. Life couldn’t be better. And so, as another day is going by, I now believe Bikram is as necessary as food and a daily shower, and….I have written. …busy mind, but nothing sorted out to make sense of. Great class today, tons of energy, shopping done, and went to visit hospice patient and took her a little tree and we decorated it. It’s amazing how when we try to make it all about us, we do something for someone else and all of a sudden there is no us. When I saw the look on my patient’s face as she sat gazing at the little tree, I couldn’t help but think she was being transported to Christmases of long ago. Christmases like where I am now. I thot this holiday season was doomed. Thanksgiving was a little rough, but I think Xmas will be easier and more joyful. I am here and now. Able to move and travel. Have a lovely home and family. Much to be thankful for. One day I aim to be 96 and dreaming of this Xmas. But “one day” is 40 years away. 40 years! I have so much time left and it would be a shame to fritter it away anticipating sadness and not being present for it. I believe we all get 100 years to live. What and how we do it is up to us. Since I have 40 plus years left, I am going to enjoy this holiday season and the ppl I love to the fullest. Have terrific Xmas and New Years plans and am going to take full advantage of all of it. And so, as another day goes by, there is something to be said for reaching out, and …I have written. Yesterday’s yoga class went very well. I was able to do the poses and push a little harder on some. Balance on standing bow was spectacular. But once I got home, I was wiped. Wanted to go to Hyannis and shop, but couldn’t get out of my chair all afternoon and went to bed at 10 and slept all night. I should’ve known the sudden lack of energy meant my body was doing more healing work. Sure enough, today’s class was hot and hard. Sat out for 2 or 3 2nd sets and sat out for 2nd set of wheel for the first time ever. Strange, I thought, for this being the end of my tenth week. Both yesterday and this morning my lower back and spine bothered me enough for me to notice. They never did before. I had soreness in my toe, shin, arm, and butt, but never in my back, which surprised me because before I started working out, I had alot of lower back issues. The soreness in each new area only lasted a day, and then was gone, except for my gluts – they hurt everyday. Can I say it’s pain in the ass? I figured out that this is never going to become complacent or ordinary. Even though I do the same poses in the same order each day, any little push harder or tweaking of movement causes more change and healing. Also, it’s gonna be years before my head touches the floor in any of these poses. After ten weeks I still can’t predict what tomorrow’s class will bring. I guess it keeps the adventure in my daily workout. And so, another day goes by, I have no expectations, and…I have written. I am currently reading Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah. She is one of my favorite authors and I aim to read all of her books. If ever there were daughters that were not close to, or could not get along with their mother, the divide couldn’t possibly be any bigger than in this book. The mother lives behind a closed wall, incapable of loving her daughters, yet loving her husband with open devotion. Ironically when the daughters think and complain about their mother, they lose sight of the fact that they are just like her. I think that goes for most of us. How many of us, as daughters, caught ourselves being our mother and said, “Oh no! I’m becoming my mom!” With me, it’s been so bad at times, my husband would say, “Ok, Marie”. (my mom’s name) Unlike the characters in the story, I’m glad we yelled, and talked, and expressed our feelings in our house. Winter Garden, so far, is a very cold story. I hope it warms up soon! And so, as another day goes by, I curl up on a rainy night with a good book, and…I have written. My first day back at my home studio after a week taking classes in NY was extra special. While I was away, the new instructors sent straight from Bikram himself in LA, came back and were teaching their first classes. This morning Michele taught our class and did a wonderful job! I had a great first day back and again, left with way more energy than I came with, been on the go all day and at 7:30 pm I am no where near tired. I must say to those of you just starting out, this great wealth of energy didn’t start kicking in until about my 4th week. Before that, it was just my ass that was getting kicked. Seriously. In my first weeks I had to come home, shower, eat and nap in the middle of the day and even then the rest of the day was slow. This was because of all the radical changes my body systems were going through. All my energy was going toward healing and straightening out everything that ailed me. The ONE thing that did go well during these beginning weeks was sleeping all night. Again, sleep is the greatest healer of them all and I am so thankful my sleeping habits got straightened around, I pay special attention to half tortoise pose. That’s the one that fixes your sleep-wake cycle and I refuse to mess with that cause I love how I sleep now and wake at 5:45 automatically and well-rested, even on weekends. (now I go to class on weekends too, cause I’m up so early) Big congrats to all of you who have messaged me that you were trying your first class this week! You have taken a huge step to changing your life! Please keep me posted and don’t forget to get the book “Bikram Beginning Yoga Class” to answer all your questions! Thanks for joining me – there’s strength in numbers! And so, another day goes by, I’m happy to be back on my home court, and…I have written. * for 11/29 – changed fb password and forgot to tell typepad again! Tonight coming back to the Cape was sweet. The sights and sounds of this house that I truly, now, after one year of living here, represent home for me. I finally realize in my heart that NY is now just a place I visit family. My heart truly lives by the sea. When I drove in the driveway and hit the check in on Facebook, I automatically wrote “home!” instead of “back at cape”. That’s when it hit me, after 56 years of living in Amsterdam NY, it’s not “home” anymore. When we bought this house 8 years ago, I knew it was destined to be my home, but it was a long transition until it came out without thinking today on Facebook. We grow, we change, we move on in this life, many times without even trying. This house owns my heart and the ocean in the distance, my soul. It truly is, for me, where heaven meets earth – my home. And so, as another day goes by, I have found solace where I live, and….I have written. Everyday since I’ve been in NY, both daughters and I have gotten up every morning and drove a half hour to Bikram yoga! I couldn’t be prouder of all three of us. This is very unlike us on a holiday vacation. Usually we’d just eat, drink, stay up late and sit around the house (which was fun since we’re never together for any amount of time), but this was amazing that we did it – not just once or twice – but everyday! Most holidays I spend here in NY, I come with intentions of going to the gym everyday while I’m here and I never make it more than twice. Also, being in this tiny apartment together for five days, would usually be a bit stressful if I didn’t get my way, or didn’t agree with someone. I did see a change mentally and emotionally. When something started to bother me, almost as if it were automatic, I would find myself calming right down and saying “I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me, or just let whatever happens happen.” Even if no one else notices it, I do. I lost that feeling of “a corked bottle about to pop”. I do hope this continues to become a way of life for me. And so, another day of this holiday weekend goes by, I am pretty pleased with my yoga progress, and …I have written. Right now, 6:44 am, is proof of what Bikram yoga did for me. I am wide awake in this tiny apartment, here in NY, with all this energy and nowhere to go. The girls are sound asleep in the livingroom, which is also, the kitchen, so unless I want to have coffee in the bathroom, I have to stay in bed. We don’t have to go to yoga til 11am today, so there’s no need to get up at this hour. Where was this yoga when I was teaching and raising two kids? My life would have been so much easier if I had this kind of energy at 37. I have never felt so good during a food and drink filled weekend such as this, both physically and mentally. It’s almost 7am. Do you think they’d be mad if I went out there and started the coffee? Too bad for them. I’m the mama and I want my coffee. And so, as another day begins to go by, I practically leap out of bed to start it, and…I have written. |
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