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October 23rd, 2013 Today coming around the Mashpee rotary a yellow Model T like truck painted to advertise a local business shot out in front of me when I was exiting the circle. I noted the business and thought to myself, “I wonder if that’s how careless and disrespectful he runs his business? Does he really care about his customers or is he just in a hurry to make a buck?”
Then it struck me. Our everyday actions outside of work cause people to judge our character. Everything I do, from driving to how I wait in line at the supermarket is an indication of how I might do business. If I have my work uniform on, how I interact with the cashier might suggest what kind of fit coach I am.
We are never “off”. It’s important to be kind and respectful whether we’re driving or just picking up a prescription. Our character precedes us wherever we go. Driving a clean or messy car might make or break a business deal. Many times I follow a contractor with such a cluttered and messy truck I just don’t think I’d trust him to care for my property. But when I follow one with a neat and organized truck I take note of his name. If he takes the time to clean and put his own tools away at the end of the day then he will probably be careful and attentive to my home. It’s amazing what information is being gleaned about us when we are off the job and least expect it…just something to keep in mind,
And so, as another day goes by, what we model each day describes our character to a “T”, and…I have written.
October 22nd, 2013 Today I write about awareness because awareness could’ve saved my mother’s life. She could still be here on this earth enjoying life with my dad and her children and grandchildren, but because thirty years ago there was no awareness about a terrible disease that eventually killed her, she is not.
Last night I went to a FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous) informational meeting in support of a friend who’s journey has been losing close to 200 lbs since 2008. As I sat there and listened to the speakers tell their stories – including a delightful young man who is in a rockband and tours with the likes of Hootie and the Blowfish – I saw my mother’s life being laid out in front of me. One lady talked about the Weight Watchers and Metrical diets of the sixties and that’s exactly where my mother was at that time.
Food has been my mother’s nemesis all her life. Everyday was a battle against weight and food. Back then people just told you you were fat and it was all your own fault. They scoffed at obesity being an addictive, debilitating disease equitable with the likes of drugs and alcohol. No one, not then, and not many now, know food is another addictive substance to abuse.
My mother was almost 400 lbs when she passed away three years ago. In her last year of life I spent a lot of time with her trying to help her manage food. One time she said she needed me there everyday to do it. Come to find out, the people in this program have someone with them everyday telling them what to eat and when to eat it. My mom so needed that, but we had no idea food addiction works the same twelve steps alcoholics use.
For years, since we were young, my mother used to tell my sister and I, shaking her finger at us, “Don’t you girls ever get like me!” We didn’t. It was ingrained in our minds to be mindful everyday of how we handled food. For me, food has always governed my life. I learned the tools to cope with food addiction by trial and error – never dreaming this was a disease – or an actual addiction. Last night I found out that just like a child of an alcoholic, I was the child of a food addict and prone to the same disease. I knew for years if I let down my “food guard” for a minute, I would become my mother. When I spent three months in a chair back in 2011 due to depression over losing her and someone else, I gained 35 lbs in just 12 weeks. Never again can I let my guard down or my children will be caring for a 400 lb mother in the future.
The most asked question at the meeting last night was: How do I know I’m a food addict? Here is a list of behaviors. If you are a food addict, you will see yourself this list.
I see myself in this list. I so know I am a food addict, but my mother saved me from the inevitable fait long ago.
Awareness. The bullying of our overweight youth needs to stop. Schools and colleges need to become aware of this addiction. Overweight and obese people need to know it is not their fault. They have an addiction that needs to be dealt with. If you, or anyone you know fits this profile, please go to www.foodaddicts.org to get help. Lives can be changed through this organization. My mother’s could have…if only we’d KNOWN. Help spread the word.
And so, as another day goes by, “Hi, my name is Linda, and I am a food addict,” and…I have written.
October 21st, 2013 Today I found a secret weapon to fight something that plagues us all at one time or another – fear. Consider these words by Marianne Williamson:
Fear is trusting in your own power.
So few words to hold such an immense thought. That’s EXACTLY what fear is – trusting your own self and how you can control something to make yourself feel better – less fearful. That is what we innately do and we end up achieving the opposite goal. As we begin to amass ways to assuage our fear, we become overwhelmed and indecisive. We start questioning ourselves and our friends – Am I doing the right thing?
So what is the secret weapon to dealing with our fear? Realizing that fear resides in us when we begin trusting in ourselves instead of our higher power. Why not just trust that which is so much more knowing and powerful than we are? For me, that’s God and the workings of the universe He created. As soon I begin to get fearful about anything – money, people, situations, illnesses, etc. I am calmed immediately by stopping to realize that what is happening belongs to a much bigger picture than just my tiny world. That’s why my favorite Bible verse continues to be “Lean not unto thine own understanding.” And, of course, for myself I always add “because you don’t understand a damn thing.” I like to imagine God is kind of proud of me for at least realizing that.
Giving up all control and letting things unfold as they must is a much more peaceful way to live than always running around looking for ways change situations or make people do what you want them to do. Sometimes, no, most times, you have no idea what a small part you are in a very big picture that you can’t see. Sometimes God sees a very different path for you than you do. In any case, giving it up to someone bigger than you shines a spotlight on the fear that is trying to darken your life and makes it disappear.
And so, as another day goes by, there’s an old Buddha saying that my friend and I love and I choose to live my days by:
In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of that which was not meant for you.
…that which is not meant for you…let it go…gracefully…and…I have written.
October 18th, 2013 Back in August I started to take a serious look at meditation. Prayer I’m good with. Meditation…ah…not so much. In August I gave it my first serious shot with the Oprah/Deepak 21 day meditation challenge. I figured I needed something with a commitment, instructions, and a lot of structure for me to be able to stay still long enough to find what all the hub-bub is about. You see, therein lies my problem with meditation over prayer. I can’t sit still and focus that intently for even 15 minutes, let alone thirty. Prayer to my constant companion, my lord, my higher power, who travels with me constantly and listens to me on the fly, is easy.
Somehow I got the idea that if I could put the two together, I could forge a deeper relationship with God. I didn’t fare too well for the first week of the challenge. The last three weeks were better. Enough so, that when it was over I contemplated spending the $39 for the set of meditations.
Before I buy, though, I shop around. I got an email from Silent Journey and tried their free session for a few days. Theirs incorporates binaural beats in the background. This is the use of certain beats to help with stress relief, sleep, relaxation, etc. all by just being imbedded in the music. Who couldn’t use help with that stuff just by listening to a certain kind of music?
I loved the Silent Journey meditations the best and purchased the whole set. I use it every morning. It was also easy to incorporate prayer into the 30 minute session because when the guide says to go to a place of truth, love, etc. I immediately picture myself in the presence of my lord. The first half of the meditation is guided, with 15 minutes of just the music following the instructions. There’s my chance to pray quietly each day, totally focused.
He always starts by saying “settle in and settle down”. My hips sink into the chair, my shoulders relax all tension, my hands stay super still in my lap. His voice and the music really immerse me into a trance – almost like being hypnotized. At the end he says “Start coming back into the room. Focus on the sound of my voice. Wiggle your fingers and toes. In a moment I’m going to count to three and you will open your eyes, refreshed, energized and ready to go. Ready. One two three, open your eyes.” And it’s amazing. I actually feel well-rested and full of energy.
I also recently tried the set of meditations motivational speaker Gabrielle Bernstein has out. I didn’t get quite that same sinking, ethereal feeling I get with Silent Journey, but she does have some valuable things to offer.
If your going to try meditation, I suggest trying Silent Journey. You will quickly see what all the meditation buzz is about.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m glad I didn’t give up on trying something new just because it was hard for me, and …I have written.
October 17th, 2013 Creative Confidence is the name of a new book, written by the two , David and Tom Kelly, founders of Ideo, a design and consulting firm that uses a human -centered approach based on empathy (finding out what’s meaningful to people) to create things like the first computer mouse for Apple to TV remote controls. They throw people of different backgrounds into a room to solve a problem. The key is having a diverse group of people and having them be good at building on each other’s ideas.
This story hit home because my Boston daughter, a graphic designer for the global auction house, Artfact, works in a similar environment. Just a few weeks ago she sent me a picture of the room she and her team are sequestered in, without cell phones and email, to brainstorm and design a whole new web image for their company.
The new book, Creative Confidence, is built on unleashing the creativity in all of us. This is a concept near and dear to my heart as a teacher and in my own personal life. I have always been passionate about the belief that we are all creative. We all have an artist living inside us. When Charlie Rose asked the Kelly’s what happens to our creativity, they cite kindergarten. (My life as a K teacher for 23 years). They said all kids in kindergarten are being creative and uninhibited, but by the time they reach fourth grade, some teacher told them their picture wasn’t really good or good enough and then and there the building blocks for deciding they weren’t a creative person were laid. They grow up into a person who has creative ideas, but holds them in for fear of being judged. How sad.
I have always felt there’s a whole segment of our population out there holding solutions to many of the things that plague us as a society, but we’ll never get to benefit from their creativity because somewhere in their life they were told they weren’t good enough, creating that fear of judgement.
When I was nine I wanted to be an art teacher or fashion designer. I was always drawing and designing, but I quickly learned that there was only one art teacher to a school and getting a job teaching art in the seventies was almost impossible. It was an era when there was an over abundance of teachers and jobs were scarce, even for a classroom teacher, so I changed my focus to becoming an elementary teacher. Any art talent I thought I had, fell by the wayside and life took over.
I rediscovered my artwork when asked to illustrate The Trouble With Ralph . Since January you have walked my journey with me as I discovered “Wow. I really can draw – and paint – and create.” That came as such a surprise to me, until this interview and book appeared on CBS This Morning and reminded me of days gone by when I believed art was in my future.
The next guest on the show was Yo-yo Ma introducing his new CD – A Playlist Without Borders, which is about finding the edge of your comfort zone and that is the place to begin exploring your creativity.
In his own words, he said:
“We determine our borders. Some of them are political some of them are demographic, economic but then there’s the border of imagination. And that we have the most control over. Ok, we don’t have a government shut down today, but we can’t really control that, but we can control where our own edges are and that’s where the growth happens.”
Couple those wise words with the interview given by the first guest, Marilyn Hewson, CEO of Lockheed Martin, and you’ve got a winning combination. She learned her management skills at the knee of a mom who always wanted her children to be self-reliant. Her mom never backed away from a challenge. Here Hewson learned to never turn down a promotion, no matter how uncomfortable it was nor what her life circumstances were at the time it was offered. You take it, stand at the edge of your comfort zone, and jump in with both feet. Then, as Yo-yo Ma said, it is here the growth begins, and as the Kelly’s point out in their book, the creativity and ideas you had buried in you all along, emerge.
Do you ever stop to wonder what you really are capable of? Did a teacher or former boss ever shut you down so hard, you did an about face an moved into a direction that steered you away from your creativity and/or artistry? Are you crippled by fear of judgement? Maybe it’s time to revisit that. Maybe we should read the book with Yo-yo’s CD playing softly in the background.
And so, as another day goes by, it’s pointed out yet again that life begins at the edge of your comfort zone, and…I have written.
October 16th, 2013 I don’t know how you define “success”, but if you’re like me you define it by achieving a goal you set. If you mention the word success it automatically communicates that something has been accomplished – and it was a positive thing.
A few of my goals were to write this blog everyday and get the book I illustrated up on Amazon by the end of August. If you are a regular reader, you know I believe God has full and total control over my life. He moves me from thing to thing, person to person, job to job, and season to season. With those two goals He moved me right along and kept me on track.
What happens when I see a goal and God doesn’t? I start forging ahead, and before I know it, God throws in some formidable roadblocks and He persists until my goal morphs into a new one. I feel that happening with this blog.
For three years I have been adamant about posting everyday. Couldn’t go to bed without doing it. Over these past few weeks, if I missed a day here and there, it didn’t bother me quite so much. I’m wondering if a change is imminent; that maybe success is not going to be defined anymore by posting daily.
I have always written these posts with the attitude that God will place them with readers as He sees fit. Through Him, my words will go to the hearts for which He intended them. For me, that was success. Others in the blogging world might disagree. I’ve been told over and over that numbers and readership indicate success. Maybe God’s definition of success is different, too.
This idea originated with me this morning in a great blog post on the Steve Laube Agency blog, written by Stephanie Grace Whitston entitled The Oldest Profession. Check it out and see if gets you redefining success. (If you are a writer, you definitely don’t want to miss this one!)
And so, as another day goes by, sometimes success, and what it means to us, is merely a perception, and…I have written.
The direction differs widely…
October 15th, 2013 These past few weeks change seems to be on the table. One thing I have come to learn about change is that it always occurs with a fair amount of chaos and discomfort. Often we what we mistake for things spinning out of control, is just a prelude to a change of some sort.
When you pray for God to change your life, make you a better person, put you on a new path, etc. – get ready. You just signed up for spending time way outside of your comfort zone. Did you think you could fall to your knees, fold your hands, state your business, maybe make the sign of the cross, get up and be on your way and leave it to God? Oh yeah, you can leave it to Him, but don’t think even for a minute that you won’t have to participate and do your part.
I’m currently reading Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley and chapter ten began with this story about change:
And so, as another day goes by, that was my chuckle for the day, and…I have written.
October 13th, 2013 I had this post contemplated and built from this morning. I had a book. I had quotes. I had conversations with people. I had a message. And then…Tom Brady pulls off the win of the century…and…suddenly I got nothin’! Lol!
And so, as another day goes by, now we move on to the Red Sox, and…it wasn’t much, but I have written.
October 12th, 2013 Today I had to get up early to be at work way up in Orleans at 9 am. If you told me two months ago I’d be doing this, I would’ve told you you’re crazy – no way would I get up at 6 am on a Saturday to leave at 8 to be at work at 9 in Orleans – willingly.
Well, that goes to show you how in the space of a few weeks one’s perception of life can shift dramatically. I did just that – and liked it. My drive to Orleans on a beautiful fall morning, sipping pumpkin coffee, turning up the music, felt great. Upon arriving I found the club full of ladies rockin’ it on a Saturday morning. Before long I was involved in helping a new member, 74 years old, do her workout. This lady was my inspiration. When I told her I just turned sixty, she told me I’m a young one and I’d better keep doing this because it takes a lot longer to get back in shape at her age. She told me how she lost a lot – her farm, her horse, and more and grief just did her in. She stopped all physical activity for a year. She said this has happened to her before, but she could regain her fit level rather quickly. Not so when you’re in your seventies, so she wanted to caution me to never let it go.
She didn’t know my story that I spent three months in a chair and lost a fit level I spent ten years building, then tried everything I knew to get it back. And it was hard – near to impossible. But she was 74. I’m now saying, “I’m only sixty.” This lady inspired me to view myself as having many, many more years to want to live an active life and take responsibility for doing so.
As fit coaches, we have to make a “Why I Koko” sign with our pictures in a frame that they hang up in our home club. My experience working with members like this lady helped me decide my answer to that question. Mine says:
“I just turned 60 and I Koko because I want to enjoy our Cape Cod beaches and still Koko when I’m 70.”
I put the pictures below in the frame with my answer. I’m proud that it hangs in the Mashpee club. This job and the people I work with daily have changed my life.
What are you doing to take charge of your fitness? You, too, have a lot more years to live an active life. You will never be younger than you are today, so don’t waste a minute of it. Access your activity level. Is it enough? Monitor your metabolism, because it slows with each passing year, making getting fit tougher. Each decade you lose 40% of your muscle mass. Will you be able to workout when your 74? I will. I will also be able to chase grandchildren and enjoy my beach. You can too. Make a decision today to make a plan. (And if you live on CapeCod get yourself into one of our five Koko’s and let me help you change your life.)
And so, as another day goes by, I am so happy to be back to work helping people live healthy, active lives on into their 70’s, and…I have written.
Ten years from now…still…
October 11th, 2013 I jumped right into the shower as soon as I got home from work tonight. I started remembering how after school and working out I used to get home at 6 pm and do the same thing when we lived on Darlene Drive in New York. My husband and his mom would always have to wait dinner for me because I just couldn’t sit down to eat with what I called “the dirt of the day” on me.
Tonight that scenario was all too familiar. I work and work out and get home about the same time and run right into that shower. How quickly we resume a habit when thrust back into a situation. It makes me think about what we need to do when trying to change a habit of some sort. The first step is to make the decision to change a behavior, but you may have to modify the setting to achieve success. Also, let’s not forget it takes at least forty days to absorb a change.
I’m changing my workouts to include five cardio a week instead if just three. It’s been about a month and I’m just beginning to have it feel like a natural part of my week. Of course, working where you work out helped – once again I’m experiencing success by changing the setting.
Is there something that you’ve been meaning to change in your life? How would changing the setting help you achieve success?
And so, as another day goes by, another week closes, I love Friday nights, and…I have written.
(I know…I found this quote in the summer while teaching my young authors workshop and the kids and I laughed so hard – but it’s so true!)
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