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June 10th, 2013 On the first and third Wednesdays of each month I will be blogging for the website Cape Cod Mommies. Since many of you ARE Cape Cod mommies and a whole lot more of you are mommies also, I will post a link to my post there on those days.
I’m thrilled beyond words to to have the chance to talk to parents about their children. Being a teacher for 33 years, that was always one of the highlights of my job. Since a lot of you are parents of my former students, if you can think of a special conversation that we had that helped your child in any way, or a time that I was able to solve a problem or answer a question about your child, I would appreciate you messaging me on Facebook or emailing me at lindabartosik@aol.com to refresh my memory. Those special times we had can now be used to help other parents of grade school children. Thanks in advance for anything you can share.
I so enjoy all your posts and pics on Facebook. I love keeping track of where my babies ended up and what they are doing now. In the course of my career at Broadalbin- Perth, I have taught well over 800 children. They were all unique and special. I have every class picture from my days in fourth grade to my years in kindergarten, not to mention all the pictures from field trips, parties, and kindergarten graduation. Both you and your children have taught me way more than I ever taught them and now we have a wonderful chance to share our journey with the Cape Cod Mommies.
And so, as another day goes by, come join me in my new blog hangout at Cape Cod Mommies, and…I have written.
June 9th, 2013 This weekend my husband and I had a great time building a new fire pit in the backyard. This involved shoveling shells. Now, you may not think of shells as something to shovel. You think of bark mulch, dirt, and mostly snow when you think of shoveling something, but in our case, this weekend, we were required to shovel shells into a wheel barrow and cart them around to the back yard. (BTW – the fire pit is awesome)
 Yesterday we removed the sod, lined the area with gray bricks, and set up the fire pit. Today was the day for surrounding it with clam shells. Back and forth, shovel and dump, for the better part of the afternoon. I remarked to my husband on the last load that I was glad it was the last load because this was getting old. He replied that he just can’t describe it. It’s not like shoveling snow or dirt or mulch or anything else he’s ever shoveled, but it was hard.
As I was shoveling that last load I concluded that shoveling shells was a lot like life. It comes in pieces big and small. No piece is exactly the same as any other piece, much the same as the people that cross our life paths. Each one is broken and irregular, but beautiful in its own right. When put together, they form a beautiful space. Shoveling shells is hard, but you embrace the work in anticipation of the beautiful finish, just like the projects we undertake each day. Hauling them is necessary. It gets them where they need to go, like the crosses we all bear. Heavy, but necessary for beauty and growth.
And so, as another day goes by, the shoveling is done for today, time to relax and enjoy the effects of the effort, top it off with homemade white peach sangria in a mason jar, and…I have written.
White Peach Strawberry Sangria:
Blend white peaches and strawberries into a thick liquid.
Pour over ice.
Add your favorite white wine.
Stir and…yum!
June 8th, 2013 Being a kindergarten teacher for over twenty years, glitter has been a huge part of my life. Show a kindergarten child how to make a thin line with Elmer’s glue, sprinkle some glitter on it, shake of the excess and voila! you’ve transformed plain pencil lines into a thing of beauty, translates as: squirt half a bottle of glue onto the paper, disregard the design, dump half a pound of glitter onto it and you’ve made the most beautiful blob of nothing you’ll ever see. Clearly there had to be rules and safeguards put in place so one holiday wouldn’t claim all ten pounds of glitter allotted for the year. First we learned how to open the glue cap halfway. Then I put the glitter in a shaker bottle with tiny holes so you had to shake pretty hard to get any out. I provided a large box cover for them to shake the excess in, and taught them to avoid having their creation slide off of the paper by drying it flat on the heater.
Glitter was not only a part of paper projects in my kindergarten classroom. Green glitter was sprinkled all over the room by the leprechauns on St. Patrick’s Day when they visited our classroom while we were at lunch, overturning chairs and whatnot while hiding their “gold” for us to find upon return. One of the properties of glitter is that even just a tiny bit spreads far and wide. I used glitter while teaching how colds spread by sprinkling a bit in my right hand and shaking hands with one student and instructing them to shake hands with others until we all had “germs” on our hands just from me.
So I guess by now, you don’t doubt that I am a glitter expert. Being such a glitter enthusiast, I couldn’t believed there was something I actually didn’t know about glitter. It belongs to certain people. Yesterday I ended a blog post with this pic:
I received comments saying wasn’t glitter Lady Gaga’s thing? (Not Kardashian) Didn’t Pink use glitter in an earlier tour?
All these years spent enhancing lives by using glitter, I never knew it actually belonged to certain people and maybe was off limits to others. I always thought glitter represented the carefree wonder of five year olds and when I was a little down, I’d do what they do – sprinkle some glitter and travel into their world of sheer delight at the sight of it.
Yesterday my post was about getting discouraged after putting in a lot of hours on something with slow or no results. That’s exactly the time you should break out the glitter. “Glitter” comes in many forms for me and, sorry, Lady G and Pink, you do not own it. My life is “glitterized” by a new top on sale in Marshall’s. By the cutest lace-up boots you ever saw, bought for mere pittance in Sears. By the sun glinting on the blue paint on my car, causing the glitter effect. Glitter appears on the condensation of a glass of white peach/strawberry sangria served in a jelly jar.
Glitter is essential to life and it belongs to all of us. Stuck? Down? Bummed? Discouraged? Go find some “glitter”. For a few moments you will be five again. You will smile, which will release sweet endorphins in your body, immediately lifting your dour mood.
And so, as another day goes by, I repeat, when in doubt, just add “glitter”, and…I have written.
“Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” –David Whyte, poet
June 7th, 2013 I know. Kardashian. Popular, and at the same time, not so popular, but doesn’t everyone have a favorite Kardashian? Yeah. That’s what I thought. For me The Kardashians have been the lamest thing pop culture has going. I’ve watched the show. I’ve seen them interviewed on talk shows, but it seems I’ve missed one. (Like I would know – there are just too many of them.)
Today Khloe was on The Talk. I wasn’t interested, bent my head back to my work, then picked it back up again. She was actually a cool person. I began listening. From the conversation she seemed kind-hearted and very down to earth. I loved what she said about exercise when they asked her how she stays so beautiful. She says she works out 4 times a week because she loves to eat. She wants to eat everything she enjoys, but knows she has to work for that. She said it’s hard to do, but as soon you see a muscle appear on one side, you get excited and want to see if you can make one appear on the other side – it’s fun!
Fun? Someone just said exercise is fun? Funny that she would say it just as I was about to climb out of my chair to go for my workout. Driving to Koko Fit Club, I thought about what she said. That’s it exactly. Once you persist at something and begin to see a teeny little result, you get doubly inspired and pursue it even harder. Exercise does work that way for me. One little quarter inch of room in my jeans or one iota more energy and I’m running back for more. Of course, it takes weeks to see the first tinge of success, but we can’t lose sight that it’s there.
So, whatever’s bumming you out right now, don’t quit. Even if it seems like you’ve been trying forever, the first teeny sign of success will appear. Give it time. And, like Khloe’s exercise – it might be fun!
And so, as another day goes by, when things get tough, get out the glitter and throw a handful in the air, and…I have written.
June 6th, 2013 Working through the resistance was definitely the story of tonight’s Bikram yoga class. Once again it was my beloved teacher, Alex, who always utters just the right words at just the right time. There is always a very good chance of some resistance clogging up my practice. Tonight it was the heat, but if wasn’t the heat, it’d be the humidity. And if it wasn’t the humidity, it’d be my muscles from fit club acting up. And if it wasn’t my muscles, it be the lack of electrolytes. And if it wasn’t the lack of electrolytes, it’d be hydration. Being fully prepared for class is more exhausting than the actual class. But…if by chance…you do get all of these things to work perfectly, the class is amazing.
For the last few weeks it’s been muscles from fit club growing and strengthening and starting wars with my yoga practice. Being in NY for five days, I haven’t been in yoga for seven days. This morning I knew I was going to the 4:30 pm class so I spent all day preparing for this. My fit club muscles were rested and not sore. I drank three bottles of water, one with Herbalife H3O in it. I ate a light lunch. Snack was a coconut water fruit bar. I was well-rested, etc. I had all the bases covered. I was going to rock this class despite not being there for seven days. Not.
Every single thing was fine. My muscles felt good. I was hydrated. The humidity was fine. I was breathing easily. But the heat was unbearable. I was very comfortable except for the fact that my entire skin was burning like I was out in the sun. Instead of our usual 97-105 degrees, that room had to be 110, plus. Alex was semi-generous with the door and windows, but not enough until the end of class. By then it was too late. I sat out the second set of at least four poses. During the floor series I sincerely thought my mat was a heating pad. You get the idea. It was a rough class and no matter how prepared I was, the heat managed to get the best of me. I was so disappointed. I just wanted out of there. I just wanted air on my skin. And then he says it. Right before the last pose.
There will always be resistance. In here we learn to work through the resistance.
As we move through the last pose, I feel my disappointment wash away with the sweat. There is a reason to be here after all and it wasn’t to be a rockstar. It was to put the ego aside and face what is. It was a reincarnation of that damned serenity prayer. Accept the things you cannot change. Learn to work through the resistance.
Earlier tonight I was sifting through the blogs I follow. Good ole Jennifer Boykin at Life After Tampons reinforces the message:
Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company
Sometimes we keep busy because we don’t want to be alone with ourselves. Perhaps we are afraid of what will bubble up in our own emotions when we stop anesthetizing ourselves with frenetic energy. If that happens for you, to the extent that you are able, try and sit still with the fear. Allow your beautiful heart to open itself. Allow the fear or regret or sorrow or whatever to come. Picture your intense feelings like waves at the ocean. Allow them to wash over you and move on.
The she drops it, like Alex did:
Remember, what you resist persists.
Okay, was she in class with me? (Jennifer is a smart lady and if you don’t already subscribe to Life After Tampons, you should.)
I let the heat wash over me. I felt my disappointment. Then when Alex said you have to work through the resistance and I knew why I was there tonight, the disappointment fell away.
And so, as another day goes by, do not get frustrated with the resistance built into our days, practice working through it, and…I have written.
June 5th, 2013 “What have you done for YOURSELF this year to create a better life?”
– Jack Canfield
…was the question of the day. I found that question to be interesting because we are always paying attention to the things we can do to make someone else’s day better. Or, in the light of our own situation, we are always looking for the next thing we can do to make our own lives better. Very rarely are we asked to stop and think about the things we’ve done in the past year that has already made our lives better.
Today I set off on my drive back to Cape Cod with that question on my mind and I began to make a list. I decided the list could include anything that made my life better in any way – no matter how big or how small. Here is what I came up with:
1. I got a new car to make these trips safer and more enjoyable with Bluetooth hands free and Pandora radio.
2. I learned to make a simple chicken soup from broth, canned chicken, two carrots and a stalk of celery. Makes lunch quick and easy.
3. I bought an art table so I have a space to illustrate without having to clean up or mess up the kitchen counters.
4. I bought a new, natural gas grill and am putting in a new fire pit to make the backyard more comfortable for hubby n I and guests.
5. I added Koko Fit Club to increase my exercise level.
6. I meditated my way to liking myself for who I am and not requiring others to make me feel valued or complete.
7. I learned to make a simple sangria. (Everyone should know how to make a simple sangria.) Cut up some orange slices. Place in a wine glass with ice and pour some red wine over it. Yes, it definitely improved my life.
8. I put twinkly white lights on my mantle all year round. It makes me 🙂
9. I cleaned the basement!
10. I expanded my iTeach business working with both children and adults.
And…I bet I could go on and on. Guess what I just did? I made a gratitude list in less than ten minutes. Usually, when asked to make a gratitude list, after my husband, kids, and home I start bogging down and listing things like the white pebble on the beach. How different and how easy it was when the question was rephrased. Instead of trying to list the things you are thankful for, try listing the things you’ve done in the past year that have definitely improved your life and voila! – you have a list of all the things you’re thankful for beyond your family and home. Who knew? Change the wording, change your thinking. (I’m a writer – I should’ve known.)
So…what have you done for YOURSELF this year to create a better life? Get that list going and I guarantee you’ll get the energy boost you’ve been craving.
And so, as another day goes by, the soup is simmering on the stove as I speak, the sangria will flow as we build the fire pit, never underestimate the power of rephrasing, and…I have written.
June 4th, 2013 “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do
are in harmony.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
Okay. That one seemed relatively simple until I took a second look. Yesterday I talked about chronic situations that keep creeping back and stealing your peace. Let’s look at one in relation to this quote. Let’s pick the broken relationship because that’s probably the one that invades our peaceful existence and smashes it to smithereens at sometime in most our lives.
You lose someone. Now it starts. First you deny it. You pacify yourself with thoughts that it will get fixed. When a certain amount of time goes by and it doesn’t get fixed, you get angry. You start blaming the other person and citing all the different ways they hurt you. When the anger exhausts itself, the bargaining begins. You bargain with not only the person, but with God. If you fix it, I promise to ______(whatever) forever. When the bargaining produces no fruit, you are at the end of the road. Hopelessness sets in and the deep dive into depression begins. You wallow in the throws of depression by doing a lot of walking and wishing you could just sleep forever. Finally the depression lifts and a tiny light begins to grow in the darkness. Slowly you feel yourself climb out of the catacombs. You think: Wow! Finally. It’s over! The pain abates and you think you’re home free. Nope. Sorry. There’s still the state of acceptance to get through.
Now back to the quote. Why did it pack such a punch? Because throughout each stage of getting over your broken heart, did you not have a wonderful support system? Of course you did. And what did you do to them? Talked and talked and talked your way incessantly through each stage. You did a lot of saying. You told them exactly what you were going to do.
My biggest one was saying over and over I’d never contact that person again. Did I ever do what I said I’d do? Not even once. And therein lies the absence of my peace and harmony. I thought it. I said it. But I never did it.
So, dear people, if you THINK it, and you SAY it, please DO it and begin restoring your harmony. Take back your peace by following through on that which you know must be DONE. That’s mastering acceptance. The broken heart is finally repaired. Your friends are breathing a sigh of relief. You are moving on to other topics. You made it back to what happiness is according to Gandhi.
And so, as another day goes by, DO it, take that step back to restoring your peace and harmony, and…I have written.
June 3rd, 2013 Having my peace stolen is something I wrangle with daily. An aggressive driver jumping in front of me on those famous Cape Cod rotaries grabs my peace and runs with it. A mean or hurtful comment about someone I care about twists my peace right out of my heart. When a quick peek at my bank account reveals that I’ve paid a bit too many bills than I have money for, my peace melts away in a cold sweat. In addition to the quick, daily, peace thieves, there are the chronic ones. There’s the lost friend that I wish I had back. There’s the sick relative that makes my heart heavy. There are the home improvements that need to be done, but I need to have patience for.
So…just how DOES one deal with stolen peace? I have my ideas, but I couldn’t express them any better than my fellow yogini, Leigha Hall. (She is my virtual yogini because she practices in Raleigh NC and I follow her blog, my Bikram Yoga Life.) She is a terrific writer and has a way with using the right words to compare life in the hot room with life outside the studio. Today she did a retro – retrieved an old post worth reposting called Keeping The Peace. Check it out. I guarantee you’ll be able to grab your peace and hold on tight.
And so, as another day goes by, nothing connects the brain to the heart better than the hot room, thank you for this reminder, Leigha, of how to “keep my peace”, and…I have written.
June 2nd, 2013 Just about three years ago, when my mom died, I was asked to deal. You know – called to the carpet to face a huge thing cracking your life apart. Only I didn’t. I didn’t deal with it. I hid the hugeness of it from myself. I went through the motions and did what needed to be done for my dad and my younger siblings. I made sure they got to talk and drink and grieve late into the night. I watched it all like a spectator. I did my job and went home. Walked away without ever addressing it in my own heart.
Six months later I suffered another huge loss because I didn’t deal with my mom’s passing. I was invited to a New Years Eve party by a very close friend. It was in another state, so I wasn’t even close to home and the familiar. Just past the stroke of midnight I fell apart. It was the first New Years Eve in my entire life that I couldn’t call my mom and wish her Happy New Year. All I didn’t deal with in the previous six months came crashing down on me in one night. What should’ve happened after my Mom’s funeral, at home, safe in the arms of my family, happened that night, far away from home. The problem was that no one understood. My very close friend thought it was all over her and her party. She wouldn’t listen to any other explanation, even after I did figure out what happened to me that night. Three years and she still hasn’t spoken to me since. Threw me out of her life without a word. A huge loss – because I refused to deal.
Now I’m facing another huge loss in my family. As many of you know, my sister-in-law, 55 years old, whom I have known since she was 14 and dating my little brother, is in the last stages of lung cancer. Yesterday her son got married. We prayed all week she could make it to this wedding. The mother/son dance broke my heart. She cannot stand on her own, so her son held her up and danced with her with tears streaming down his face. It was the only moment I photographed the entire day. It was the moment that made me deal. I let my heart break open and feel. This time I refused to be a spectator.
After the wedding we went to my sisters house. I sat late into the night with my family and put away a good bit of wine. I left my phone in the house and didn’t look at it until this morning. There was no post here yesterday. Out of respect for my sister-in-law and being careful to tend to my heart, there were just no words to say. When my brother wheeled her up to the wedding, I could only touch his shoulder in support. This morning I found a text from him thanking me for that subtle touch. Yesterday there were truly no words. There couldn’t be a post here without any words.
This time I am dealing. I am here finding the words. I am letting my heart be open to the sadness. I’m talking and writing and participating. I’m taking my own advice. I’m learning from my own huge mistake three years ago that is still eating its way thorough my life. In my Friday post I said:
Hearts get shattered and broken everyday, but we still love.
And we do. This time I will not only be there for my brother and my family should the inevitable happen, but I will participate in feeling it within my own heart, too.
And so, as another day goes by, life is about learning to deal, dealing is where you discover just how big your brave is, and…I have written.
Photo: Dealing
May 31st, 2013 I love that Allstate insurance commercial where the little girl says, “The oceans are full of sharks, but we all still swim, lots of people get struck by lightening, but we still play in the rain. A lot of bad things happen, but we all still do…good.”
We could keep adding to the list. Many lives are lost in auto accidents, but we still drive our cars. Planes crash all the time, but we still fly, etc. So…Hearts get broken over and over…and yet we still keep them open for love. Or, at least, that’s the way it should work according to the commercial.
The other day a friend and I were discussing how some people only have a certain level they will let others into and after that a door shuts. Then there are people that never shut off any part of their heart. They stay open and take everyone in. It may be a risk to be that open. It may be a lot of work. It may be exhausting. It certainly invites break after break. To me the risk is worth it. If I shut off a part of myself I would feel I’m missing out on a whole part of life that is to be partaken of and experienced. We only get one life and, I, personally, don’t want to miss even one aspect of it – pain and joy alike.
And so, as another day goes by, my heart may break and shatter, but I will always love again, and…I have written.
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