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May 10th, 2013 Tooling along the Mass Pike, my new “Spring, Finally” playlist cranking away, I settled easily into the four hour drive to NY today. There wasn’t a lot of traffic to deal with so my thoughts were able to soar along with the music.
Did you ever find yourself amid a swirl of thoughts and all of a sudden you focused on something and the thoughts just seemed to fall way? What if you were thinking about money and bills and you focus and voila! the dollar signs fade away? Or maybe it’s a family problem, or maybe a home maintenance problem, or a child or a relationship problem, and you focus and it’s gone.
Lately this has been my MO and it’s been extremely effective. As soon as those thoughts creep in, the ones that cause the fear to rise up and take hold in my stomach and chest, I raise my eyes and look up slightly. I visualize kind of a light and just say, “This, too, God, is in your hands.” The circumstances fall away and I feel light, at peace, without fear.
Today on that spring playlist, a song I heard months ago and had completely forgotten was on it, came on. It described those very scenarios. It described the problems falling way as becoming “strangely dim”. I love that phrase. That’s it exactly. Remember who’s really in charge and all else becomes “strangely dim”. The song is entitled Strangely Dim by Francesca Batisstelli. Give it a listen.
And so, as another day goes by, focus and let all become strangely dim, and…I have written.
May 9th, 2013 A few weeks ago a friend introduced a new SEO widget for blogging involving green dots at our blog group meeting. (SEO stands for search engine optimization which is just a fancy name for ways to get the search engines, like Google, to pick up your blog easier.)
I’ve never been one to be particularly interested in the optimization part because I always felt that if I write something that people want to read, the work will optimize itself. Conversely, if I write stuff that nobody is interested in reading, it doesn’t matter how much optimization I boost it with – no one’s going to read it.
I was all set to just listen and if it was too complicated, I just wouldn’t do it. But this SEO widget had green dots. And they weren’t giving them out for free. You had to work for them. Given my fascination for things that measure and calculate a skill, I was suddenly sitting up and interested. My friend demonstrated how the dot starts out as gray. Then you do a few things to your blog and it will turn yellow. But yellow is only good. It isn’t excellent. If you do almost everything on the list to your blog, you are rewarded with a green dot, which signals excellent. By getting a green dot you have just boosted the percentage of people finding your blog when they Google things.
Now I’m still not real interested in the optimization part, but I AM captivated by those green dots. My dots started out as gray for the first two days, until I figured out you have to update the blog before the SEO will “read” it. Then, with a little work, I eventually got a yellow. After studying the list further and figuring out how to change a few things, I finally had my first green dot. Never mind that I just boosted my optimization, I got a green dot. Hence, it’s been five days with green dots. I have this down now. Totally mesmerized with consistently earning green dots.
After yesterday’s post, it occurred to me that trying for the green dots lead me to think about my writing in a different way. It gave me a framework to write the post within. Something two weeks ago I would’ve adamantly opposed. I wouldn’t bend and shape my words for any SEO widget. But the green dots won out and lead me to do just that. It wasn’t as painful or as hard as I anticipated it would be, and I actually think the writing is better within the guise of the framework. I think this is because the framework causes me to think out the post in a less random manner before I even write it.
I have learned, in this writing journey of mine, to stop putting up my hands and saying no, I’m not trying that. Why not just try? We seem to forget that we always have a choice whether to continue or not, but if we refuse to try new things or explore new ideas, we rob ourselves of that choice.
The green dots now remind me to be a little more open-minded. Listen to my children. Listen to my husband. Listen to my friends. Hear them out. Not make up my mind in advance that I won’t venture into new territory. Give things a try, even if they require a bit of work.
And so, as another day goes by, it’s important to keep those choices in our lives, and …I have written.
May 8th, 2013 My solitary confinement began six days ago with the onset of a bad cold. (My husband brought it from NY). I haven’t been sick in years and forgot what it was like. I almost didn’t even remember my old cold remedies that used to work to shorten the life of such a cold. Besides the cough, stuffy nose, etc. it was the hold it was going to put on my life this week that irritated me the most. I was grumbling about a week without exercise or yoga, not to mention canceling all the activities I had planned because I was too wiped out to go very far. Besides the fact that someone who coughs like this should not be out in public.
Today was the first time in six days that I ventured out the door and took a short walk to the beach. While walking, I found myself appreciating the past three days, home alone, without leaving the house. I felt a strange sense of comfort and peace. The sudden slow-down seemed to soothe my spirit instead of anger me like it did over the weekend. I climbed up over the dune and eased my weakened body down onto the jetty. The sun warmed my back and I questioned why the anger over having my life disrupted simply evaporated. Gazing out over the waves I slipped into a familiar, yet not so familiar place. The image of a book I read over the weekend rose up in my mind like an old friend.
Ah..ha. The Timekeeper resurfaced. Thoughts lapped at my mind not unlike the waves lapping at the shore in front of me. These days of solitary confinement were carved out of my life because I needed them. When you spend three full days and nights alone with yourself, never leaving the house or starting up your car, you begin to listen to parts of you that could not be heard through the din of everyday activity. It took an abrupt halt to hear the message that I have once more changed within. My two plus years of battle with inner turmoil is nearing its end. I’ve come full circle.
Rising up from the rocks, tying my sweatshirt around my waist, I made my way up that same beach path with a new confidence as opposed to the tears and pain I climbed it with exactly two years ago. Ambling down the road, I held my face up toward the sun, feeling light, instead of hung down in pain, wiping tears under my sunglasses.
There were no tears today. Only the sensation that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Instead of being at bible study, God was having His way with me on the lonely jetty. Squinting at the horizon line, where, for me, heaven has always met earth on this beach, I was back to who I used to be a very long time ago. He saved me from myself. I am back close to His side once again. He and He alone is who I follow. I belong to no one on this earth. No one’s life is my responsibility. I trust Him to keep safe and guide the lives of those that I love.
Two years ago, due to certain circumstances, I lost my focus. He saw that I was no longer focused on Him, so He took away that which claimed me. Day by day, bit by bit, He worked with me to slowly bring me back to who I was. He broke me down and is now building me back up into a saner, calmer, stronger and much smarter person, ready to tackle the next twenty years of my life and whatever they may bring.
The Timekeeper. Every minute we have counts. Whether it’s spent in joy or strife, it counts. Each and every minute of our lives contributes to who we are and is a building block for who we will become.
And so, as another day goes by, like beach path below I am ready for rebuilding, solitary confinement isn’t so bad after all, and…I have written.
The beach path in 2011:
The same path now in 2013 after being broken down and stripped by the storm:
May 7th, 2013 A few months ago a friend of mine from New Zealand started a new business called Idea Beans. I saw it on Facebook and because this friend of mine is very smart and clever, I had to check it out. She put up pics of very cool things she made on her new 3D printer. I had never heard of a 3D printer. These cool plastic objects came out of a printer? I had a hard time wrapping my head around the concept. I asked her about it and she posted a video showing the process. I still couldn’t grasp it. I followed her work for months now. It seemed plastic was put into a printer and an object comes out.
Then Sunday Morning did a segment on it and it was fascinating, but I still didn’t quite grasp it. Last week the morning news did a segment on it. Instead of loading plastic into the printer, they loaded human tissue in it and made a real ear for a little girl born without an ear. I was amazed. They also explained how regular printers move back and forth, but a 3D printer not only moves back and forth, but up and down and can create anything out of the material you load it with. Imagine. Someday these printers will make limbs and organs – anything anyone needs. This whole process, in the coming years, could change lives forever in amazing ways.
Today I saw another story on the morning news about a 3D printer. This story caused me to freeze in my thoughts. A guy made a gun on a 3D printer. They said it’s not illegal to make a gun on a 3D printer as long as it’s for personal use. Whoa. Talk about no gun control. Anybody with a 3D printer can make a gun. That didn’t set well with me. Then a chilling realization hit me. Anybody could make anything they wanted with a 3D printer. The possibilities are endless.
Is that a good thing?
And so, as another day goes by, this fascinating piece of technology gives me cause to pause, it can do a lot of good, but can it also do a lot of bad? And…I have written.
A few 3D printer projects created by Idea Beans:
May 6th, 2013 Sitting in my chair
Watching the news
Staring at the TV
Drinking hot tea
Blowing my nose
Staring at the TV
Chomping on Halls
Taking pills
Staring at the TV
Reading books
Words with friends (Play with me!)
Staring at the TV
After three days
Now it seems
That my TV
Is staring back at me!
Can you tell it’s been a rough three days stuck in a chair with a bad cold? I’ve resorted to writing bad poetry and the most positive person I know is my news girl on WBZ, Kerry Connolly. Really – she is. They were talking about a new book Minimalist Parenting. It basically said parents are doing too much, feeling guilty about not getting everything done and they should begin editing calendars and to-do lists. All the while they were talking they were showing parents at the playground, picking up toys, carting the kids around, etc. When they returned to the anchor desk, Kerry says, “Thats my life in a nut shell.” David Wade asks her if she feels that way too and she says, “No. I like it. It’s fun.”
You have to watch Kerry everyday to understand this. This woman gets up at 1:30 am and is in my bedroom, on my TV screen, at 4:30 am laughing and joking with David. And she has a husband and young children. When I was her age and had a husband and young children, I used to think I pulled off a major coup dragging myself out of bed at 5:30 am, arriving at school at 8 am, and being in my doorway, smiling, at 8:30 am when the children arrived. I don’t think Kerry ever drags herself out of bed – even at 1:30 am. You should see her do the Pet Parade. ‘Nough said.
When you sit in a chair for three days straight and have nothing to do but stare at the TV, your mind does funny things. ‘Course, the decongestants, inhalants and cough medicine might have something to do with that, too. I climbed out of the chair to wash my breakfast dish, fix my Internet, and brush my teeth. Bam. Cough, sneeze, sniffle, repeat. Relegated back to the chair. Sherrie Shepard from The View was on Rachael Ray. Just as I plopped back down in the chair, grabbing tissues on the way, she says:
“Live your best life.”
Today, bad poetry and staring at the TV IS my best life. Kudos to you, Kerry Connolly.
And so, as another day goes by, we do the best we can with what the morning brings us, and…I have written.
May 5th, 2013 I finished the last bit of Mitch Albom’s The Timekeeper as soon as I got up this morning. I read it until 1 am, tried to sleep, read more at 3 am, slept for a bit, and had to finish it at 6 am. It was that good. In fact, in the in-between times while trying to fall asleep, I just laid in the quiet dark thinking about it.
It is the story of time. It’s the story about people who want time to pass more quickly and about those who wish it would slow down. It a story about love. It’s a story about how we don’t have a clue that we’re so caught up in our own pains that we miss the big picture entirely.
At least that what it was to me. My sister read it and it could be different for her. It could mean something else entirely for you. It’s that kind of book. Exquisitely written. Unique and creative storyline. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything quite like it or quite know how to explain such a story. It’s not only a book I highly recommend, but it’s one of those books everyone should read because you will be better off for reading it. It will change you. It will cause you to think. It may even answer some of those questions we ask about life over and over. It did that for me. It shifted my perspective. How do I feel after reading it? I have to agree with my sister, I feel peaceful and somehow content in an odd sort of way.
And so, as another day goes by, The Timekeeper by Mitch Albom is definitely a keeper, and…I have written.
May 4th, 2013 This afternoon I got a text from my sister. Here is our text conversation.
She said:
Have you read “The Time Keeper” by Mitch Albom? I highly recommend it.
No. I’ll look into it.
I just finished it and, especially with all that’s going on with Shar right now, I feel a real sense of peace and appreciation, and……comfort. Yes, comfort. And contentedness.
Oh good that makes me want to read it.
It’s the first book that made me link my amazon library to Facebook to share.
Wow. Cool.
I was just ending another book, but I couldn’t get her unusual words out of my mind. This conversation is unlike any other we ever had over a book. I clicked on Amazon and bought it, then I went back to finish my current book. (I’m really trying not to read more than three books at once.) The book I was finishing is brand new this week by Frank Viola, whose blog I follow diligently. It’s called God’s Favorite Place On Earth and it is a life changer. I started it at 3 am this morning when my cold wouldn’t let me sleep, and finished it just now. It was magical reading it in the early morning silence, in the dark, with a hot cup of tea. Let’s just say I met Jesus in a new way in that book. Just now I closed out the last page and sat here reflecting.
I took a few minutes to let it sink in, and then I openedThe Time Keeper. Ok, I’m on page seven and I had to put it down and share it with you. Here is the last paragraph I just read:
Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.
You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.
Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.
Man alone measures time.
Man alone chimes the hour.
And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.
A fear of time running out.
Wow, right? This cold of mine is turning into quite the spiritual experience. Sometimes it’s good to be forced to put your feet up and be still. God talks and teaches in the most unusual ways.
And so, as another day goes by, I think I’m in for an interesting evening, and…I have written.
May 3rd, 2013 “And that is why, when it’s time to make a change in my life, I just BEGIN.
Even if I’m starting in the wrong place. On the wrong project.
I simply BEGIN.
ACTION is magical. Somehow, action leads to clarity. Begin somewhere and just pay attention to the results you get. Then, refine your actions to accommodate what you have learned.
This is the most profoundly simple strategy I discovered about reinventing your life.
Begin.
Then, notice. Adjust.
And, begin anew.”
~ Jennifer Boykin – Breakthrough
Nearing the end of finishing my drawings for my illustrating project, as I look back to January, these were perhaps the most motivating words I’ve ever heard in regard to starting something new. There is a certain kind of fear I associate with starting something I’ve never done before. It’s the fear that keeps me from beginning.
This kind of fear has a process all it’s own. I wake up and immediately think about the new thing. Then I sit and think about it for a long time. I begin to stir up some confidence, so I gather the tools and materials I’ll need. The tools and materials all laid out, ready to go, snaps me back to the place of fear. I sit and think some more. I picture myself (in the illustrating case) putting the pencil to the paper. The fear rushes in again and I back away and think about it some more. Them I drop it completely and go do other things.
Gradually I begin thinking about it again. I imagine the finished product. I plan it. But that “snap” that I need to actually begin hasn’t hit yet. Thank goodness I found Jennifer Boykin’s Breakthrough . I never imagined it was that simple. Just begin.
Oh it’s simple, but it’s not easy. I had to adopt the mindset that if it wasn’t good, I could just tear it up and start again. No one had to see it. No one but me would know it wasn’t good. But then I get to thinking what if it will never be good? What if I can’t do it? Nonsense. I can do anything I put my mind to.
So I begin. And it isn’t bad. But it isn’t good either. I do tear it up and start again. Gradually I learn not to keep tearing it up. I find that if I push on through I gain an understanding of the medium and what I can do to fix things I don’t like. I learn the boundaries of the medium. I learn how the color works. I learn how the paper receives the color. And before I know it, I have a completed piece of artwork. I think it’s good, but what if it really isn’t?
Now I have to show it to people. And I HAVE to because I have to know if it’s honestly good. So I show it to people I trust and my critique group. It’s well received and I feel relieved.
I do the next two pages and then I show it to my biggest critic who I know will never lie to me, my teacher daughter. And what does she say? Mom, it’s the eyes of the characters. They need to be symmetrical and big. Look at any picture book. What’s the first thing you connect with? The eyes.
Wow. I never knew. So I worked on the eyes. In fact, I developed a whole new system for doing eyes. I leave them until last and cut them out of white paper and try them on the character. This gives me tremendous freedom in experimenting with the feeling the character is going to convey. I can make as many sets of eyes as I like until it’s just right, and if I trace them, they’ll all be the same size. The difference it made in my work was amazing. I finally felt it. It was good. Good enough to send to the author.
Who knew it was all in the eyes? Not me. Smart girl that daughter of mine. Smart as she is, I still would’ve not known this if I didn’t “just begin”.
Are you faced with something new? Just begin.
And so, as another day goes by, “just begin” is my mantra of the month, and…I have written.
The name of the book is The Trouble With Ralph. Here he is stealing the sheets. Does he look guilty? It’s all in the eyes.
May 2nd, 2013 Did you ever spend time hangin’ out on the Twitter feed, fall into a post and feel like someone spent time in your home and just wrote out your whole life?
That doesn’t often happen to me, so yesterday, when it did, it was a big enough deal to share. Big enough because the posts were about stress and who out there doesn’t have any of that? I don’t think anyone is scrolling to the comment feed to tell me they can skip this read because they don’t have stress in their life. Now that we agree, we should all keep reading.
Strolling through the Twitter yesterday Arianna stopped in my scrolling with What I Know About Stress Now That I’m In My 50’s by Lisa Belkin. I wondered if she knew the same stuff about stress that I did, so I clicked. (Wait – don’t click yet!)
Wow. She must’ve met me. Or lived in my house the past two and a half years because I couldn’t have explained myself any better than she so eloquently did. I wonder if she knows you, too? I bet she does. (Wait – not yet!)
In the posts she lists the six things she learned about stress and I’ll be damned if I just didn’t spend 942 blog posts learning those very same things – especially number one. (Not yet.) Even better, on the bottom of the post there’s also this link : What I Know About Stress Now That I’m In My 60’s (Sorry, not yet.) Ann Brenoff gives the list of her six things she learned about stress. (Also very eloquently – ah..to write like that…maybe someday.)
Now why did I want you to stick around here when all that necessary info is just a click away? Before you read the posts, just try and list six things you learned about stress in this decade of your life. I’m going to try doing the same, but it’s way harder after you read the posts, so I wanted to make it easier for you. If you make a list, share it in the comments below.
And so, as another day goes by, I bid you to make your list, then go click, and…I have written.
Photo Credit: Me – Stress-free Day – digitally painted
May 1st, 2013 Faster.
Why?
Because if you have a yoga teacher that talks fast the poses don’t last super long and you don’t have to spend the whole class just trying to survive. With a teacher that delivers the dialogue at a good pace, without disturbing the rhythm, you can concentrate on really doing each pose to the best of your ability. If you have a yoga teacher who speaks slowly and keeps interrupting the dialogue to talk or correct people you fall out of the pose, lose concentration, waste energy getting back in, and holding the poses so long that the rest of the practice is sabotaged.
Faster is better.
Last night I had a new teacher and she was fantastic. I never ever had such a great class. In rabbit my head almost touched my knees and in head to knee forward bend for the first time I understood how to get my heel up off the floor. For almost three years I could never figure out how to put my head on my knee and still have my heel off the floor. Last night I still had so much energy left I actually could concentrate on that pose. With a slower paced teacher who holds the poses a lot longer, by the time I get to that pose I put my head on my knee and die. (It’s the second to the last pose.) I usually don’t even have any brain energy left for figuring out poses by then.
The teacher last night paced the class perfectly (for me anyway) and kept to the dialogue and it truly was a moving meditation. She also kept the room at a perfect temperature. Another words, her teaching didn’t take everything I had, plus more, and send me home a wobbly numb-brained walking zombi.
Now being a teacher for 30 years I know that delivery is a personal thing. How fast you deliver the dialogue really depends on your persona. I know if I were a Bikram teacher I would be fast, too, because it’s just the way I talk and do things. Slower teachers have a different persona. Slower teachers’ classes are like the intermediate class and faster paced teachers are for beginners like me. More advanced practitioners like to hold the poses longer and have it hotter in the room. Me? Even after almost three years, a faster paced class is so much more beneficial to me. When I’m asked to work beyond my ability, I lose concentration and control and just succumb to a pile of hot mess on a mat doing what appears to look like Bikram yoga, but is in reality me trying to get to the end of class without sitting out for too many poses. Like “rah rah rah rah – which means – I wish I was human again.”
Last night I didn’t even think of sitting out. After every pose I was on my feet and couldn’t wait to get to the next one. It felt so good to work on all the things I hear others talking about, but never have the energy or enthusiasm to try beyond the standing series.
And so, as another day goes by, faster is better, teacher Laura is my new best friend, and …I have written.
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