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March 29th, 2013 The other day I noticed how much I was limiting myself in the gym over the years by not ever upping the weights because I honestly didn’t think I could press more. Today, doing lateral chest pulls, it once again showed how I limited myself. I’m doing 50 pounds now, and for ten years I did 25.
When I was finished with my workout, I checked my phone. I had an email from Koko saying I earned my black lanyard. You get a new color every time you collect a certain number of points. The best way to show the system is with a pic:
I got my black lanyard and braided it together with my white and orange one. Somehow that knitted everything together. How ironic – at almost 60 years old I’m doing harder and more challenging things than I did ten years ago. I thought as you got older, life would get easier, and you get weaker and do less. Not so.
And so, as another day goes by, don’t underestimate your potential as you age, it’s wild ride with no rocking chairs in sight, and …I have written.
March 29th, 2013 “The best artists always find a way to say “I love you” in a way that we haven’t heard it before.”
March 28th, 2013 This morning when I sat down with God for a cup of coffee and a chat, a most amazing thing happened. I took out my daily prayer list and before I could utter the first name, I found myself saying:
“Lord, give me the strength and energy I’m going need today. Also, I claim all the blessings you have for me today.”
It was almost like if He were physically present, He would’ve put a hand on my arm and said, “First things first.”
Lately I have been depleting my energy by being consumed in my prayer time and in my general “all day thinking time” with the needs of so many others. Today God stopped me. He made me realize that if I’m to continue to have the energy to pray and serve, I must pray for myself first.
I tried to protest, as we women will always do, because the needs of others just come first naturally with us. He was having none of it. I honestly couldn’t slip into my petitions for others until I spent a serious moment addressing my own needs.
I remembered my classroom days and the advice I always gave to my teacher daughter and my student teachers. Oh yes, how could I forget? I always told them to come to school well-fed, rested, and dressed comfortably (especially shoes) because once those kids pounded through the door, you didn’t exist until 3 pm. When juggling 25 young ones, you can’t be hungry, sick, uncomfortable or worried about how your hair looks. You have to first do a good job on yourself in order to do a good job on them. How could I have forgotten? It’s only been three years.
Praying for yourself first is not selfish. It is the one area where in order to do good for others, we MUST be self-serving. When I finished my prayer time there was a little zing in my step as I left my chair to prepare for a week of holiday guests.
And so, as another day goes by, you can’t beat morning coffee with God, pray for yourself first today, then treat yourself well, and…I have written.
March 27th, 2013 Limits have crossed my radar twice in two days. That’s usually my indicator that the universe is communicating something when it appears in many unrelated places.
Today I was enjoying my workout on the Koko smart trainer. I was in the middle of the chest press when my eyes caught the weight. I was pressing 50 pounds. For all my 10 years in a regular gym I completely pulled the weight pin out and just used the machine, thinking even 30 pounds was too heavy for me. When I got to the bicep curls I laughed to myself. 50 pounds on these, too. For TEN years I did TEN pounds thinking I couldn’t lift anything heavier. Why did I limit myself so?
Thinking back to a conversation over the weekend I had with my sis, I realized did it again. For all three years in my writing career I never once considered illustrating my own work, let alone someone else’s. I was discussing my current illustrating project with my sister and she said the most unexpected thing. She said she never really saw me as a writer. She always saw me as an illustrator. She said art always stood out in the way she viewed me over the years. That took me by surprise. Then tonight, in my writing group, another author ask me if I’d considered illustrating her picture book. Again, why was I limiting myself so?
I think this limiting ourselves creeps up without us knowing. I don’t think we do it intentionally. For me, it just doesn’t occur to me that I’m operating within limits until, by shear accident, I bust through them. Two times, in too few days though, points out that I should be paying attention. Maybe there are other areas where I’ve just sunk into my comfort zone and never even realized it.
How about you? If you take a careful look around, is there some limit you can push?
And so, as another day goes by, when I drove in the driveway tonight the full moon seemed to whisper: “You know what they say, shoot for the moon. If you miss, you’ll be a star”, and..I have written.
March 27, 5:27 a.m. EDT —Full Worm Moon: In this month the ground softens and the earthworm casts reappear, inviting the return of the robins. The more northern tribes knew this as the Full Crow Moon, when the cawing of crows signals the end of winter, or the Full Crust Moon, because the snow cover becomes crusted from thawing by day and freezing at night. TheFull Sap Moon, marking the time of tapping maple trees, is another variation. [Phases of the Moon in 2013: A Lunar Calendar]
March 26th, 2013 In preparing for tomorrow’s bible study, the lesson asked me to write down what I thought the definition of loyalty was. I wrote:
“Sticking with a person or thing, no matter what.”
Good, but not quite good enough. The definition in the lesson was:
“To be firm, be steadfast, be established, be faithful, be sure, be reliable, be fixed, be certain, to be ready, be prepared, to be determined..”
The the lesson asked me to circle any part of that definition that provides fresh insight to me. I missed the word “fresh” because I stayed fixated on my own definition so I circled “be established, be steadfast, be faithful”. The lesson pointed out the “fresh” insight lies in the words “be prepared”. Prepared? This is obviously the “fresh” insight because I couldn’t relate “being prepared” to being loyal.
In studying the book of Daniel, we have been centering on the actions of the three men who refused to denounce God and worship the statue that the king built or be thrown into the furnace. When the king asked them to bow down they refused on the spot. They didn’t hesitate. They didn’t discuss it. They didn’t reason it out. They just all said no immediately. Another words their loyalty was prepared. When the test of their faith came, there was no question. Their loyalty was already decided.
I loved that concept. I am in a difficult test right now and have been for an inordinate amount of time. Before the difficulty arose, I pledged complete and utter loyalty, no matter what. I reiterated those three words, no matter what, at least three times a week, pledging loyalty. My loyalty was being “prepared”. Then the test came. It not only came, it set up camp. Nothing like duration to test loyalty.
When the test came, I never hesitated. Not once did I entertain walking away. A lot was asked of me, but I had committed. I committed for life – no matter what. That’s what no matter means – the loyalty is decided long before the test, no matter what the test involves or asks of me. The loyalty is prepared.
Later in in the lesson a personal question was asked. We were given no line to record an answer. It’s a heart question. A heart question is where you look deep inside yourself and commit – yes or no. You can be completely honest because the answer is never spoken aloud – it’s written only on your heart. I’ll leave you with that question tonight:
“Have you prepared your loyalty to your God? Could any circumstance (such as an unheated disease, unanswered prayer, loss of a loved one) make you renounce your faith?”
I know. Tomorrow’s class should be a good one.
And so, as another day goes by, let us all go about “preparing our loyalties”, wherever they may lie, and…I have written.
Photo: Given to me today by a friend. How timely.
March 25th, 2013 I’m making my way, one more time, through Melody Beattie’s “More…The Language of Letting Go”. At least this time I understand the concept. At least this time I have made huge progress in that elusive, but necessary, part of life.
The arrangement of the topics over the last three days caught my interest. March 22 was “Let Go of the Future”. It cited the Moses story of him leading a group of slaves out of Israel while their daily manna was provided by God when crossing a barren desert. The most important thing about the manna was it couldn’t be saved or hoarded. It had to be consumed that day or it would quickly spoil. The people were learning to trust God that what they needed for the day would be there. They didn’t have to save or hoard for the future. Once again the ancient story speaks to us:
“Look around at what you have available, this moment, this hour. Use the resources and gifts you’ve been given. Tomorrow’s manna will come at its appointed hour.” ~Melody Beattie
March 23 was “Let Go of the Trappings”. Beattie cites the old adage of “keeping up with the Jonses”:
“While it (material things) helps to identify with each other, we are all different. So why compare ourselves on the basis of material things?” ~ Melody Beattie
March 24 brings us to “Cultivate Inner Peace”. She touched on a concept so familiar to me. I’m always saying, “Let me get past this one thing and I will have peace.” Or “I will be happy when I solve this one problem.” It took me twice through this book to finally learn that peace and happiness are something I always have because it comes from within and there will ALWAYS be problems and situations coming at me from outside of myself. There will never be a time that simply solving the present crisis will bring peace or happiness.
These three readings are summed up in my title. If we master the art of not worrying that we’ll have enough money, time, strength, etc. and trust God to “give us out daily bread” daily, and if we get ourselves straight on the place of material things in our life, we will go a long way toward cultivating that inner peace we all seek. It was a nice arrangement of the readings over the past three days and it translated, for me, into that simple equation that makes so much sense and is easy to remember.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m seriously (and I find myself mentioning this a lot lately) thinking of attacking those “trappings” trapped in my basement, and…I have written.
March 24th, 2013 Recently on Facebook, my author friend Diana Brandmeyer (A Mind of Her Own), recommended a book by an author friend of hers. The book was on sale for $1.99 and I was in need of a new read, so I downloaded it. The name of the book was “Condemn Me Not” by Dianne Venetta. It was a great read. Very well written and fast paced reading. Venetta speaks with authority on love. All kinds of love, and she does it so eloquently.
“Condemn Me Not” was about mother daughter love. I kept and highlighted this passage:
” Simone pulled her daughter into a hug and squeezed. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
Three little words, three hugely important words. Had she said them enough? Did Mariah know how much she was loved? Did she understand the depth and breadth of her mother’s feelings, the sheer ferocity with which she cared – about her well-being, her future, her….everything? Simone squeezed harder, her daughter responding in kind. Head to head, chest to chest, she and Mariah were now on the same team. They were crossing a bridge, moving to the next stage, the next platform, and for that they needed a new mix of trust and love, guidance and friendship.
Simone indulged in the embrace. They were too few, too infrequent and she was intent on savoring every one. There was no way Mariah could understand the full extent of a mother’s love until she became one herself. Everything changed when you had a baby. Your body, your mind, but mostly your heart. Life was never the same after you had a child. It was fuller, richer, because one special human being had entered your world.”
~ Dianne Venetta – “Condemn Me Not
The story of how this kind of love came to be was one I enjoyed immensely. After I finished it, I immediately went in search of another book by Venetta. I chose “Jennifer’s Garden”. Venetta explains parent/child and man/woman love so beautifully, a tear actually “poked at the corner of my eye”. Listen to the poetry in this prose:
“A tear pokes at the corner of her eye. It would be the most important day in her adult life and they would be absent. Absent physically, but not emotionally. She had learned over the last months that love crossed lifetimes. It didn’t accept the boundary of the physical plane, the limits of physical thought. Jennifer understood now. Love endured. It persisted. Each and every day she felt her mother’s love as strong as when she was alive. And better yet, she had opened the connection to her father.
Sam squeezed Jennifer to her side. “I’m proud of you. You set your sights in something and went for it.”
“That’s nothing new,” she replied.
Sam chucked. “True. But tangible goals like diplomas and jobs are easy. With those, you know if you begin with a-b-c, you’ll eventually reach x-y-z.
Jennifer lifted her head and turned to Sam, tugging her focus to the present. “What on earth are you talking about?”
Sam grinned. “I’m talking about love.”
Jennifer arched her brow.
“It’s unpredictable. It’s unexplainable. You can run the entire alphabet of love, memorize it backward and forward and still end up with nothing. Yet you still tried.”
~Dianne Venetta, “Jennifer’s Garden”
I never heard anyone give a definition of love quite like that one before. The alphabet of love. Both the concept and the way the words played off of my brain endeared me to this author. She is very sensitive to feelings between people and has the uncanny ability to conceptualize and explain the unexplainable. If you have ever loved deeply, you will appreciate Dianne Venetta’s work.
And so, as another day goes by, I hope I helped you stock your kindle, and…I have written.
March 23rd, 2013 “Do something. You’re NOT DEAD YET.
As author Barbara Sher says, ‘It’s only too late if you don’t start now.’
Or if you prefer my version, ‘Quit your bitching. Change your life.’
Don’t be the hag at your own party. Stop hurting yourself. If your thinking isn’t working for you, change your mind. Or better yet, simply, quietly….
….begin.”
Wow, huh? Yes, these are words by an incredible woman. I want to put in parentheses right here that I regret it isn’t me, but that would defeat the purpose of the entire piece I’m sharing with you today.
One fact is, Jennifer Boykin, who wrote the above, IS an incredible woman and an amazing, amazing writer – the kind I aspire to be someday. The other fact is I, too, am an incredible woman. I just didn’t always know that, but through the work of women like Jennifer, I have found that to be true.
Now my daughter would beg to differ with me. I can just hear her saying, “What? Mom, you’re your own biggest cheerleader.” Ah..ha..that’s how I fake it – or at least did so until I found Jennifer Boykin’s website:
Life After Tampons
It was there I discovered that spewing my “greatness” and trying to keep up a perfect image along with running around trying to control every person and aspect in my life to achieve the appearance of perfection was the very thing that left me exhausted, depleted, filled with anxiety and fear – in short – crippled.
Too crippled to move forward. I put up the window dressing and when people walked by, they couldn’t help but say ‘wow’. If they ever entered the store and found the mess inside, I was sure they wouldn’t have been interested in buying.
After reading Jennifer’s statements that I opened this piece with, I wanted to do it. I wanted to “begin….”. So I did. With my writing. I dropped the pretense and started writing from the heart. It was only after I propped open the door to the “store”, swept out the mess, let the sunshine in, set a potted plant in the doorway, and invited others in, that inner peace filled my soul. Imagine that. The thing I feared – letting people see the mess and garbage inside – was the very thing that set me free from continuing to cripple myself.
I know I’ve shared Jennifer’s website with you before and many have thanked me. It just came across Facebook today that Jennifer has posted in the Huffington Post. Big congrats, girlfriend! What she posted about though deserves even bigger congrats. Jennifer just wrote, in honor of her site’s first anniversary, a 96 page PDF e-book for us women that want to do it. That want to “begin”. That want to “stop bitching and change our lives”. And the best part? It’s FREE! Just download it to your kindle and “begin”. The title of the book is “Breakthrough” and the link to get your copy is below.
The very best thing about this great piece of work? The only thing Jennifer asks is that you share it with every woman you know so as a gender we can stop spinning our wheels and get going. If you truly want to crystallize the way you see yourself and the way you live your life, get your copy TODAY. I am halfway through my copy and I had to put it down and share it with all my lovelies.
And so, as another day goes by, I invite all of you to take that step today and “begin”, and…I have written.
Breakthrough by Jennifer Boykin
March 22nd, 2013 This morning I was surprised by about 4 inches of snow. On my drive to fit club, I was marveling at the picture it painted on the arc of trees over my road. It was beautiful. That’s when it dawned on me. I have a choice as to how my mind paints this picture. I could be driving along saying this sucks and when is spring coming and come on, it’s almost April. Or…I could view it for the gorgeous site it is and thank God for this uplifting beauty that is all around me on my morning drive. I chose the latter. It was gorgeous, and it IS March, after all. March weather is unpredictable. One day it’s spring, one day it’s winter. The nice thing about a March snow on the cape is it will be gone the next day. It only snowed here three times this winter and I’ve had green grass most of the time. The upstate New Yorker that I am, really appreciates Cape Cod winters. I arrived in New York today to three feet of snow that will last well into April. The last time I saw lawn here was November. Today’s Cape snow was melting by the the time I got home from fit club at 10 am. I love living here.
Sometimes our mood is driven by the reaction we choose to things. I’m learning to first list the different thought paths I can take and then choose one, instead of jumping on the first thought that comes to mind. Usually there is one that infuses me with peace rather than anxiety. Choice. It is often ours and can change our day in a nano second.
And so, as I sit here in snowy and very cold NY, I appreciate my Cape home where my grass will be green again by the time I get back there, and…I have written.
March 21st, 2013 Do you know those times when you pray and pray for something important and nothing, just nothing, seems to be happening? You start thinking maybe you should just stop praying because it isn’t doing any good. I experience this all the time when praying for something that seems like it’s never going end. And then I found these and just had to share them:
7 Steps For Wrestling in Prayer:
(That is exactly what I do sometimes – “wrestle” in prayer – I thought that was such a good word)
1. Keep coming back to God for wisdom.
2. Rejoice in God’s purposes and timing.
3. Determine to want what God wants.
4. Speak out what you want.
5. Pray against opposition.
6. Refuse to get discouraged.
7. Never give up.
~ from A Praying Heart
I put these where I can see them everyday until I memorized them. I’ve never gained such peace and strength from seven little sentences before. They seem to address very simply the angst I sometimes feel in prayer. I hope they do the same for you.
And so, as another day goes by, it’s good to be able to rest in prayer instead of begging and agonizing, and …I have written.
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