This morning before I left for Bikram yoga I got an email from Koko Fit Club informing me that I was now moving to the next level and was eligible for an orange lanyard. You get points for every workout and for every 50,000 points you earn a new color lanyard for your flash drive. I laughed at first, but then realized to get those points I had to put in a lot of hours and it really was a great way to be reminded that I worked hard and dedicated myself to getting there three times a week. I smiled as I drove to yoga. Another goal accomplished – a great workout program in place and successful.
Today my teacher was Alex. Alex's classes are very different from most classes. His class is very quiet and you feel ensconced in a swinging hammock on a warm summer afternoon. He delivers the dialogue without delivering the dialogue. His words are soothing, but they are telling and gently correct every pose. He is always cognizant of the timing and I trust him to never leave me hanging with my forehead on my knee. I do love Alex's classes. I was next to the wall, leaning left in Half Moon Pose and my fingers were touching the wall. He looked over and said, "Linda, take one step to the right. Never limit yourself – subconsciously or otherwise." Just a few words and I thought wow, while repositioning myself, his words were so wise. Sure enough, my body fell deeper into the pose and went to a place I'd never been to before.
When I got home I got another email. It was from a woman in Boston wanting to do a children's writing workshop during school vacation and she needs a teacher. Never mind that just this past weekend I spoke to my husband about doing just that very thing. All of this on the heels of the new exercise program, just being asked to illustrate my first picture book and delving into digital art on my iPad. All new. All uncharted territory.
I sit here with my full plate this afternoon, inspired and excited, but a bit scared of the unknown, and think of the timeliness Alex's words this morning. "Don't limit yourself – subconsciously or otherwise." If I didn't take that step away from the wall, I'd never know what I was capable of in that pose. If I let the fear of the unknown put limits on what I am to do in 2013, I will never discover the true potential I might possess. Will it be smooth and easy? I've lived long enough to know that anything that is worth doing or learning will never be without obstacles and struggles and fear, but it is these that validate the journey, enable the learning, and cause the growth to take place.
2013 is certainly throwing down the gauntlet. Are you in? Are you ready to throw off the limits and see where you can go? Is there something put in front of you that excites you, but that fear niggling at the back of your mind is holding you back? Hold your nose and jump in with both feet because……what if you CAN?
And so, as another day goes by, I'm heading to my studio and my computer, I have amazing choices to fill my day, I thank you Lord for all you bring to my world, and….I have written.
Do you even know how amazing this blog challenge is? First, I get all caught up in learning digital art. Then I meet the fabulous Diana Lesire Brandmeyer here in the challenge. She was so gracious to comment on my art attempts. Diana is an author and she has a children's book she would like to put back out on Amazon and update the illustrations. Guess what? She asked me to do the honors. That, in itself, is amazing, since she even knows these are my first attempts.
"Oh my!" is right. My readers know I'm a prayer of the Prayer of Jabez, and Diana certainly came along and "enlarged my territory" – big time. She sent me her story, I fell in love with the characters and my mind took off. Trouble is, it forgot to take my pen with it. I hadn't a clue how an illustrator proceeds after they receive the story.
Of course, this is the age of information and I was learning to paint on the Internet from some incredibly talented artists, so….why not learn to illustrate too? My YouTube search lead me to the very cool and talented Lynne Chapman who was gracious enough to post the the exact videos I needed. She's illustrated over 30 picture books and does a lot of school workshops. She's also a wonderful teacher. I spent yesterday watching the videos and playing with my pencil tool. Today I emailed her and thanked her for the videos. She answered and gave me some tips.
As a result of this challenge, I'm trying my hand at illustrating, I have a new author friend, and I have a new illustrator friend in the UK. My world in 2013 just keeps getting bigger, the challenges harder, and the opportunities more numerous. Along with this comes learning patience and giving myself a chance to move through the proper steps and learn. I'm asking a lot of myself in this new year and I have to rise to meet the challenge.
How has 2013 challenged you so far? Do you find yourself in a place you never expected to be in? If so, embrace it. Run with it. A tiny bit of fear motivates and even creates excitement. It could just be the year for transformation.
Yesterday I was surfing YouTube for a new painting project. I happened upon one that involved painting roses in oil with a palette knife by Ahuva Shweiki. Since the palette knife on my ArtRage app was still beyond my understanding, I decided that was a good place to start.
You know those "duh" moments? The kind where you can't believe you didn't know something? I'm famous for those. I had live GPS with voice street by street directions on my phone for 8 months and never knew it. I was driving all over the cape, reading the directions and watching the little ball move on the map, until one day, quite by accident, I pressed the start button that I never noticed before and the screen flipped to a GPS and Siri started talking the directions. I was excited, but at the same time – duh? The same thing happened with the palette knife. For days I was changing every control possible, but when I brushed the screen – nothing.
Watching this rose video, the first thing the artist said was to load up the knife with paint. Ah..ha. The light went on. I first had to use the paint tube and squirt paint out on the screen – then maneuver it around with the knife tool. Again – duh.
Once I figured out how to actually paint with the knife, I followed the video of how to make this beautiful lavender rose. I did most of it with a hard out smudge, trying to imitate the artist in the video exactly. I was frustrated because I couldn't get the blending exactly like hers. My cuts were too deep and I couldn't get that beautiful blend like she did when she swiped her knife over the paint. Then I changed to a "hard out smear". The paint softened and began to swirl around and blend, and pretty soon I had a rose that I really liked, even though it was no where near hers in the video. (Link to hers, below so you can compare.)
I sat back and really liked mine. I realized that I let her teach me the basic technique of how and where to even start to paint a rose, but then my own style took over. I'm discovering that my art is following the same path as my writing. I find role models, try to imitate, learn the basics, and then I'm off into my own voice and style.
It was great session. Sometimes we have to take a hard knife and cut away what's not needed. Only then we can see what's been exposed. What is real. Once we know what we're dealing with, we take a soft knife and smooth out the rough edges, blend what's left, and end up with something beautiful – and like it because it's uniquely ours.
And so, as another day goes by, I'm learning to wield the knife, and….I have written.
…Lord God almighty…..
How many of you Catholics out there remember that little song from mass on Sundays? It still rings in my head after all these years. While still feeling allegiance to the catholic faith, I have bounced from holy building to holy building trying to find a peaceful home now for many years. The only thing I found was more of that which I tried to get away from – empty services based on ritual, and drama among who's in charge and who is more important and who should head the committees and who should be looked up to, and most importantly, who should not be messed with. (Like, that's their pew and you don't dare…..)
In my journey among the holy buildings I came to one huge conclusion about God:
God does not want religion, He wants a relationship.
For me, that was huge. Being brought up under the guise of a weekly church ritual from maybe three years old, this is a very hard concept to swallow. What? No building? No kneeling and standing? No Holy water? No statutes? No committees? Well then, just where DO I find God?
That's when the hand brushes my right shoulder, and a voice (not audible) but from somewhere inside me says, "Right here."
Just two words. Inaudible and quiet, but packing a punch. In spending some good bible time, I have learned that that is how God speaks. He's a God of few words, but those few words speak volumes.
Now lest you think I sit on an island all by myself and ponder God's word, I'm happy to say I have found what they call "fellowship" by attending a weekly bible study for women of all faiths, from all over the cape, getting together to watch a video and study in a workbook and discuss this life here on earth and how to live it with God. No preaching. No ritual. No cliques. Just honest women trying to find our way through all that life throws at us from sickness and tragedy to just managing to get the kids on the school bus every morning. When we gather each week, let me tell you there is a sprit in that room that feels and sounds very much like that voice that speaks from within me. We learn. We pray. We laugh. We eat. (Some of these gals can really bake a mean coffee cake.) And we love. And, isn't that what we (Catholics, anyway) have been told since we were knee high – that "God is love"?
This new year I have decided to redesign my time with my maker. As an author, I have written morning pages consistently for the better part of two years now. Well over 700 pages. My morning pages were always to God. Everyday, upon awakening, He got the full brunt of whatever my mind woke up with. All of it. The good. The great. The bad. The very worst. And the ugly of the ugliest thoughts, right along with the beauty of the most beautiful thoughts. After that, I'd read from about four daily meditation books.
For the last two weeks I gave up my morning pages just to see if I needed them anymore. I felt like a part of each day was missing. I realized it was where my relationship to God was kept, honed, built, and worked on everyday. This morning I decided to bring it back, and this is what appeared: (I'm breaking a major writing rule here – morning pages are never to be shared or to ever even be read again, even by me) but I love you dearly, and for you I will be a rebel – God kinda likes that about me, but that's a topic for another blog.) So, here it is, the first morning page of 2013:
"Ok lord I'm back to morning pages. I find that if I give them up, I start stuffing. By stuffing I mean that my mind is so full of messages that it makes me crazy – like I'm going to burst. My messages need a place to go. Here is where they go. For me these morning pages are my own personal cross and this is where I lay down my burdens before the day begins. It feels good to be back. Now, let's get down to business. Today my burden involves…"
And that's where I must cut off the sharing because I'm not here to burden you. That's God's department. He took my stuff into consideration and I could proceed on with my day with a little lighter heart. He is here. He is real. He doesn't live in a building or require me to perform rituals. He loves. My prayer ladies (an endearing name my daughter calls my bible study group) love. I love. Morning pages will stay.
I found reading too many meditation books kept me from really focusing on one thing, so this year I will only use one. I'm going to read from Melody Beattie's More of the Language of Letting Go. I did this one in 2010 and I think the meaning will be very different at this point in my journey. That, along with a prayer time, should do it for 2012. Sometimes less really is more.
And so, as another day goes by, the spiritual part of my resolution making is done, now that I have the relationship part down, maybe God will put a building in my future, and….I have written.
This blog challenge is just the thing for January, which is usually a long, cold, uneventful month. I've met so many wonderful, creative souls who have gone out of their way to encourage me. I sit at night until the wee hours of the morning reading all the wonderful blogs on the Ultimate Challenge Facebook page. Last night I found the best advice, for both my business and personal life. It was in the blog Be A Rich Chick by Antoinette Sykes. At first I thought it was just about business, but upon reading the post, I discovered a valuable premiss for living life in general.
The blog headlined a quote from Will Smith that I had never seen before. This quote made more sense to me than anything I have read in a long time:
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay."
~ Will Smith
Who knew Will was such a wise individual? Certainly not me. Catch the first line: "Don't chase after people."
That's the line that smacked me right between the eyes. I used to run around so concerned about what others think of me; do they like me? Do they think I'm a nice person? Am I doing things right? etc. etc. These past two years I've really come upon the truth of this statement quite by accident. After one year of retirement, I wanted to write, but was at loose ends as to how. I joined the Cape Cod Writers Center, made a ton of writer friends, and plunged right in. I stopped wondering if I was "doing it right". I just went about it by following my heart. Without realizing it or trying for it, now, three years later, I ended up in the Cape Cod Children's Writers group, which I am honored to be a part of, and second Vice President of The Cape Cod Writers Center. I still don't know how I got to either place. The thing I do know, is that I stopped chasing people and worrying about what they think of me and my writing craft. I just did what needed to do and worked hard at it.
Sure enough. What Will said is certainly true. Once I let go of obsessing over myself and being insecure and just plunged myself into writing the best way I knew how, all these wonderful people showed up in my life. And stayed. You all know who you are. 🙂
Now I'm doing the same thing with my art. I'm not worrying about how good people think it is. I'm just doing it to the best of my ability, having fun with it, and putting it out there. Once again, over these first few days of this challenge, wonderful people have crossed first my blog, and then my life. And I sincerely hope they stay. You, too, also know who you are.
Thank you Antoinette Sykes for being my inspiration today. Please visit Antoinette's blog and gain some insight at:
And so, as another day goes by, today I give gratitude for all my new blogger friends, who are also writers, artists and really nice people, and….I have written.
Seeing is believing….at least that's how I felt today after another painting lesson on YouTube. Yesterday on the Facebook Ultimate Blog Challenge page I read a blog that had beautiful pictures of colorful eyes. (I think by now I have established that as an artist bright colors ignite me.) The first thing I thought of was that I wanted to paint those eyes. Just one problem – I've never painted an eye in my entire life, so off to YouTube I go again.
Every time I search oil painting, I try both – digital and real painting. I start out trying it with the digital, but the technicalities of the programs they use get in my way. I'm on an iPad with the ArtRage app and most digital tutorials are on a computer with the likes of Photo Shop, which never made any sense to me. I always end up switching to real oil painting. I find that without the complexity of the program to get in my way, I learn way more about actual painting technique. Of course, I have to figure out how to get the desired effects digitally, but I am learning a ton about how my app works. Also, the computer program uses a mouse and I'm using a real brush for the touchscreen (a Sensu brush) which is an amazing tool.
Below is my first attempt at an eye and I really couldn't believe I actually saw something that resembled an eye on the screen when I was done. I'm hoping to be able to graduate to the beautiful colored eyes I found on Verinica Campos-Hallstrom's blog, Club Creative Studio. The name of the post was "The Ayes Have It". If you're in this Ultimate Blog Challenge then you know when you sit down to read blogs there are so many you cannot possibly read them all, so you see what jumps out at you. Guess why I chose Veronica's blog? The first sentence was "Do you like bright colors?" Then I found those gorgeous eyes. Check out her post below.
And so, as another day goes by, the learning as well as the challenges go on, and …I have written.
As a result of writing this blog, I found another great ArtRage tutorial for the iPad.
Today seems to be the day everyone is digging into their inbox with gusto, myself included. After cleaning out all the junk, the gems quickly rose to the top. Paul Taubman, my gratitude guru, had the best post regarding resolutions that I have seen anywhere in the last 48 hours.
Prior to reading his post, I was playing in digital oil paint again on ArtRage. My latest discovery – layers. It seems that the little stack of paper on the bottom of the screen is for creating layers within a painting, not for creating separate paintings like I thought. By watching YouTube videos I'm learning more everyday. My painting below is done in layers. Layer one is the sky. Layer two is the water laid over the sky. Layer three is the boat laid over the water. This allows me to work each layer separately without disturbing the paint on the other two. Who knew?
After finishing this painting, I discovered Paul's post. To me his method of making New Year's Resolutions is a lot like painting in layers. He asks:
"Are there things you want to have? (Materialistic things)
Are there activities you want to engage in this year? (Things you want to do)
Are there things that directly affect your well-BEing?"
Them he suggests you layer this list in the reverse order, so that just like the sky in my painting, the biggest, most important thing supports the the other two.
"You should first BE, then DO, so you can HAVE."
Two things that I want the most this year are more energy and a flatter tummy, so I can work harder at fit club and do better at yoga, and then I will be happy. My layers are wrong. I need to be happy so I can enjoy fit club and yoga, making it possible for me to end up with more energy and a flatter tummy.
By putting my mindset on on BEing healthy, it will make it easier and more desirable to DO my exercise routine and eat right so I'll keep it up, and by summer I should HAVE more energy and a flatter tummy. And, by layering, I can work on each layer separately – changes in tiny steps are much easier to incorporate into my lifestyle – and working in tandem, just like my total painting, each layer will make up a healthier, more energetic me.
Now for my painting resolution I made a few days ago. Instead of HAVING more paintings, by DOing it daily, then BEing able to appreciate my talents, I need to appreciate my talents, DO my practicing, and then I will HAVE successful work in my gallery. It's the attitude with which I approach my creative and health endeavors this year that is going to bring about my desired results.
So? How about you and your list of resolutions? Are they layered in the right order? Smile and just take a moment to appreciate the unique and special individual that you already are before you even jump in. Then, as Nike says, just do it.
And so, as another day goes by, BE DO HAVE is my gameplan, I'm going to pick up the brush without fear that my work won't be good, I'm going to explore new videos and apps, I'm going to post at least three pieces of artwork here, in my blog, each week throughout January, and ….I have written.
Paul's blog can be found at:
www.allaboutgratitide.com
My "layered" painting and more cool sites can be found below.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to all my readers. In these first minutes of 2013, let us contemplate peace, love, and joy. Where is that better to be found than in your God? I have a friend I met in yoga class that is the vocalist for the Christian band Skywatch – a wonderful local band here on Cape Cod. Her voice is like an angel and she recorded this version of the Lord's Prayer to ring in the new year.
On this Happy New Year night I can't think of a more fitting way to welcome what lies ahead in this brand new year. So, from her to me, and from me to you, please click on the link below and enjoy and absorb the meaning of "Hallowed" by my dear friend, Jo-Anne Petty and her band Skywatch.
And so, as the first day of the new year begins to go by, may your God bless you and keep you in this new year, and…I have written.
Yesterday a friend of mine posted on Facebook “today was one of those days when you take a shower just to put your pajamas back on…” I loved that post. There’s nothing better on a holiday or Sunday to take a shower and put on clean jammies and snuggle in for the day.
If, on this last day of 2012 when everyone is setting new intentions for the new year, my mind is excited by a day in clean jammies, you can see the direction my New Year’s resolutions are taking. After two years of of climbing out of the dark muck of overcoming fear and loss, this year I’m moving back to the lighter side of life. I’ve turned inward for so long and done massive amounts of internal work. After over exactly 731 days of spinning in my own hurricane, I finally emerged out the other side. I’m back to who I used to be; a happy, optimistic, enthusiastic, glass half full individual – with a few major adjustments. The anxiety and chest-crushing fear I used to wake up with are gone. God and I are closer than ever. I know things about myself that I never would have learned, had I not been thrust into the storm. Resolutions to improve myself, both physically and spiritually, made in 2011, and even more made in 2012, have all been kept, accomplished, knocked home, etc. So….here we are…on the cusp of 2013…where does that leave me? (Besides on the couch, in my jammies)…..
……today as I was watching my beloved afternoon soaps, the president cut my show short at a critical point to speak about the fiscal cliff. What he had to say was: a absolutely nothing. Nothing new. Nothing accomplished. My husband could see that I was clearly miffed. Really now. Was that more important than Hope and Liam getting back together? I turned to my him and and said, in jest, “My New Year’s resolution is to not miss even one episode of the Young n Restless or the Bold and the Beautiful. I promise to DVR faithfully.” He said that was a pretty big goal to shoot for, but I assured him I was up to the challenge.
As we dissolved into laughter, a serious thought struck me. I need a “lighter” year. For the last 700 plus days, life’s been too serious. Too much work. I need a year of loving workouts, playing with my art, moving my writing up on my priority list, laughing with my family and friends, singing along with the radio in the car, doing Bikram for stretching and health reasons – not for panic and anxiety because I don’t know where else to escape to.
I need a year of not having to escape. I need to participate in all things good and not so good in my life. I’ve learned how to handle loss. The next time it occurs (because I’m not naive enough to think it won’t happen again) I’m armed and ready. I won’t be going back to the dark place. Ever. I won’t ever give God another reason to grab me by the collar and say, “Hey! Just where do you think you’re going?” Enough. I lost my mother and a dear friend both at the same time. I spent the first year battling back from that by healing myself from a severe, crippling depression and the second year making sure that never happens again, and now, it’s time to lay down the gloves.
I am truly, truly thankful the pain is gone. The burden is lifted. Light and laughter are possible again. Committing to watching my daily soaps is not as ridiculous as it sounds. Those daily soaps will remind me to be kind to myself, which in turn will remind me to be kind to others and commit to making all our worlds a better, lighter, happier place.
And so, as the old year slips away, WHAT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FOOTBALL? No Talk and Dr. Phil this afternoon either? Hahahahaha…..hahaha, and…I have written.
…..I finally have something that resembles a picture, due to the fact that I was up till almost 1 am making friends with the ArtRage app. I started yesterday afternoon by watching videos of the app on YouTube and was able to get a handle on the tools and controls. Then last night I got the brilliant idea of searching for just a basic lesson in oil painting instead of digital painting. I found lessons by Michael Thompson and loved his step by step way of building a picture. First he did the sky. So I paused the video and figured out how to make my digital brush and paint behave like his real ones. Then he did the cloud. Again, I paused it and worked with my digital white paint. The trees were the best because I discovered the dabbing brush.
Getting lessons on the real thing was absolutely the best way to learn digital painting. It caused me to set and reset the width of the brush, the pressure, and the load of the paint over and over until I achieved something close to his real painting. I also like doing it off of YouTube because I could pause it and do one phase at a time. There’s so much more to learn. He has lessons on painting waves and clouds, and then there’s watercolor and ……the possibilities are endless.
How about you? What new thing are you going to try this new year that’s going to exhilarate and inspire you and take you to a new level? My husband jumped on the bandwagon with fly tying. The kids and I got him a fly tying desk and tools for Xmas and he was on his way. (Even though his first one scared my daughter.) Lol. He inspired me by getting his lessons off of YouTube and made a lot of progress in just a few days.
And so, as another year is very close to going by, moving forward, having fun, getting inspired, finally painted something that resembles something, and…not only have I written, but…..I have painted.
(I even have a hint of water there! See it? So proud.)
