I have spent much of the last five days processing, just like everyone else in our country – trying to find ways to help, trying to find solutions, feeling guilty I have so much in comparison, imagining the unimaginable, trying to explain the unexplainable, etc. Today I found myself at loose ends in trying to make sense of a senseless act of violence. As I went about my day, I swung between not wanting people to mention it and thinking it's irreverent not mention it.
It's human nature in such times to try to battle back to normalcy. If you have children it's very important to do this and you must be their example. There is a holiday coming. People are going to expect you to show up. People are going to expect food and presents. For our children, it is extremely important to carry on with our traditions. In my ambivalent thinking today, I thought maybe what is good for the children, is also good for us adults, whether we have young children at home or not.
We've been beat up these last few days. It's time to pause in our grief and be gentle with ourselves. The thing I found most helpful in keeping a clear head is not neglecting exercise. I came home from bible study, ate lunch, switched off the TV and headed to the fit club. Despite it all, it's the one thing I knew I must do.
After a great workout, the world looked a bit more gentle on my drive home. Today was a rainy, windy, cloudy day on Cape Cod, but the sun came out just long enough to set. The first and last rays of today's sun were stunning as I looked up at the Sagamore Bridge.
As darkness fell, the lights along 6A seemed to start to twinkle again. I came home, threw a log on the fire, made a pizza for one and settled in front of the news. It's still hurts. It's still hard. But peace is slowly settling in my brain. I am going to go about my Xmas preparations just a bit more lovingly and appreciative this year. It's not about presents or the holiday lights. It's about those moments of connection over those presents, under the warm glow of those lights.
And so, as another day goes by, in such times don't neglect your exercise. It makes everything we still need to do a little easier, a little more peaceful, and maybe a little more sensible. May you find solace in your hearth tonight, as I have in mine, and…I have written.
A friend posted the following on Facebook yesterday afternoon……
It really made me stop and think and it drove a few points home that have crossed my mind over the past few days. There's a lot being discussed and written about gun control as a result of the Connecticut tragedy. It's the same story as with drug trafficing. We are trying to treat the symptoms, rather than the cause.
I know that there are many people out there who cannot even bear to hear the gunman's name, but yet everyone wants to know "why". I can't help but feel that this young man was a victim of fear, anxiety and loss of control from a young age, as so many of our children are today. If yoga and meditation were a part of every public school curriculum from kindergarten, I think a good percentage of children would be saved from this fate and/or miserable childhoods and teen years simply because we gave them a way to care for themselves. As an educator, my one premise of really teaching a child something lies in what they do DAILY in that classroom for a few minutes. Gradually those skills practiced for just a few minutes a day will become a part of that child.
We go to great lengths to teach and practice academics with our children, but when it comes to dealing with personal and social issues we leave them out there spinning to figure it out for themselves. The students that are lucky enough to come from a stable home environment are taught, by pure chance, how to deal with life. As a teacher, I always worried about those little ones that weren't that lucky. We need some equalization here.
How about if we could gently show all children how to calm themselves down, think things through, gain a sense of self, feel in control, etc? If a child was taught to manage their thoughts, fears, and anxieties from a young age – so it is a part of them to an automatic level – how much of the trouble we see in today's teens would be eliminated? My guess is a lot.
And not just for a few children lucky enough to be in a stable home or be taken to a weekly children's yoga class – but instill it in the daily public school curriculum to make a real difference in the lives of ALL young people – affecting a whole generation. Yoga and meditation in a written curriculum, K-12, daily, for every child, in every school. Think about what the effect that would have on the next generation. That's what made me say, "Profound" when I saw my friend's post yesterday.
I never knew what a profound effect daily yoga could have on the mind and dealing with life's issues until it was my turn to be in a hurricane, spinning, with no skills to grab onto because I had never experienced anxiety, depression and loss before. When my turn came, I was slammed from out of left field. If only I had the skills I needed taught to me, I would've had a place to ground myself. I was very lucky my daughter literally put me in the car and drove me to Bikram yoga and said, "Mom, you need to do this." It was a crash course for something I should have known how to do all my life. After only two years I am a totally different person. The moving meditation has profoundly changed how I deal with life situations and anxiety. Having experienced the profound difference first hand, I can't imagine what it would do to the health of our country to introduce it gently to all of our young children, everyday of their school lives. Children's yoga is fun and I'm sure there are those who remember me doing it with my kindergarten class during fitness month each spring.
Many might say we don't have time for this during the school day because we have to spend our time on academics so we can raise our test scores. What good is academic brilliance if our children don't know how to integrate it into a healthy, well-adjusted life? All the gunman in the various shootings, including this one, were brilliant students. Bright students all over our country, from all walks of life, are caught up in substance abuse. There is some point, we as a nation, are missing.
And so, as another day goes by, we need to stop putting band-aids on symptoms and start addressing the causes for the effects we're seeing in our children and in our country today, and….I have written.
PS –
"Less than 4% of all violence is related to any mental illness at all." Dr. Phil just said this on TV. Could 96% of all violence be prevented by simply giving our children coping and survival skills?
If EVERY child could have this…..
This morning was a hard morning in front of the TV. If there was ever a morning since I’ve been retired that I wanted to dress up and go to work, it’s today. I want to be there with my colleagues for the early morning meeting taking place in every school today before the students arrive. I want to be there to hug children and read them funny stories. I want to hug parents as they deliver children to classroom doors. I want to remind children it’s holiday time and do some fun artwork with them today. I want to have a have five year old read me his private thoughts that the picture in his journal represents today. I want to sit with the class and address the question or comment that that very bright, aware and precocious little girl is going to blurt out sometime today. I want to sit with them and assure them that yes, a bad thing happened in a school, but we are safe here today and now we must get on with our learning. This is want I want to do today, but I can’t. My job today is to pray The Lord will be with my colleagues and daughter as they are called upon to do such important work today.
That is my work. It is what I’m wired to do. It’s very frustrating to not be able to be there to help. Today it’s important to assure children they are safe, be truthful but brief with what happened when addressing their concerns, and most of all teachers everywhere today will be called upon to create a safe and happy classroom atmosphere. How is that done? you might ask. Today is the day to read a holiday story, put on music and bring out the paint or the clay and let the children be children. They are processing this without words and we must give them that space to do so, while feeling safe.
Trying to accept the unexplainable is so hard when you can’t get in there and help out.
And so, as another day goes by, my heart will be in every teacher’s classroom today, my prayers will be with those who have lost their children and can’t send them to school today, but I am not helpless – I can pray and send God out there to help, and….I have written.
To all my colleagues and their students at BP – I love you, miss you, and so wish I could be there with you today…..
Today my husband left to go back to NY early due to impending bad weather. I had a long list of things to keep me busy until we would watch the Pats game together tonight by texting. I went to the store. Did the usual cleaning and laundry, and then just didn’t want to do any of the other things on my list. I tried to read a number of things. That didn’t work either. There was a little fire left in the fireplace so I put on a Xmas candle, made some coffee, and decided to hunt for a movie.
I went through the list of movies three times but kept being drawn to “The Odd Life Of Timothy Green.” I settled in and was soon immersed in the life of a little boy with leaves on his legs that became the son of a childless couple. The leaves should’ve been a clue right from the beginning, but not until he started to lose them one at a time, did I finally get what was happening here.
The credits rolled and so did my tears. This movie was about the gift of children. They are given to us for a short time, but they are not ours to keep. Whether we “lose” them at 18 when we send them off to college, or we lose them at 6 to a terrible tragedy, we are only given so much time with them. In that time we are supposed to teach them about life and how to navigate it. The Odd Life Of Timothy Green debunks that theory. Instead of us not having enough time to teach them everything we know, the reality is we don’t have enough time to learn everything they have to teach us.
The father of Emily, who was taken in the tragedy on Friday, said he learned so much from his daughter in her young life. Children are honest and uninhibited. They will call you out every time you try to slide something by them, and many times we don’t appreciate this. Many times we don’t even listen to them. We sit in our adultness and dole out wisdom until they stop listening to us.
I had a “no interrupt” rule in my classroom that was strictly enforced. The children were instructed to come stand silently by my side if I was engaged in a conversation with anyone – child or adult. I assured them I’d know they were there. They were not allowed to tap me or pull at my clothing. They learned that waiting politely eventually got my full attention. When a child was speaking to me, I wanted them to know they were the most important person in the world at that moment. Many times, in those small moments, I learned more than college ever taught me. I am a better person today because of what I learned from five year olds, as well as my own children.
The Timothy movie was totally appropriate today to aid in the processing of the weekend’s events, instead of watching more of it in the news. Young Timothy reminds us that we “only have so much time”. We must be very vigilant is how we use it – especially with our children.
And so, as another day goes by, listen to the children that grace your life – and you might be surprised at what you learn, and …I have written.
Waking up to the morning news, for me, and I’m sure for you, began a day of processing unthinkable tragedy. I read a lot of Facebook posts, in addition to what the news stations offered. The one that held a beautiful message was by Jennifer Boykin, author of a blog I follow, Life After Tampons. Jennifer is one the most spiritual, uplifting people I have ever met and I’d like to share her words with you. I choose to share her words because she is the mother of a child who has died and I am not. Although, I, along with you, share in the sadness, no one but another mother of a child who has died can convey such a beautiful message on a day such as this.
By Jennifer Boykin – Life After Tampons – A Jennifer Boykin Project
“On days like today, when the news is so full of tragedy, it can feel extremely dispiriting. As a mother of a child who has died, I find myself a bit too vulnerable to stories of great suffering.
On this Gratitude Saturday, I remind myself to be gentle with myself, not to pretend that the news this week hasn’t been deeply troubling.
And yet, at least in my case, the loss became the impetus for transformation —
for myself certainly, and, now, I hope, for the great many many women who are part of our greater LAT community.
In gratitude I quietly remember the goodness in this world. And too, these wise words that were given to me when I most needed the hope that my daughter’s short life wasn’t in vain.
‘And Grace’s eternity, Jennifer, is that you are changed forever. And from this moment on, everyone you meet and every life you touch will be different because YOUR LIFE was touched by Grace.
Grace lives on, Jennifer, through you.’
And so it is.
In the spirit of gratitude for the amazing transformational power of love when applied to loss and suffering, I send healing prayers to all who are in pain today.
Blessed. Be.”
Jennifer’s words touched me deeply. When we experience a huge loss, we ARE changed forever. Jennifer reminds us to pay attention to where that change is going to take us and to keep in mind that our transformation through our loss is going to touch everyone we meet the rest of our lives.
Through her words I’m compelled to not ever let loss take me down a bitter, hard-hearted, self-pitying road, but instead to keep my heart wide open to becoming a stronger, better person that might be able to extend an understanding hand to another.
Jennifer’s words touched me today and helped me process this unimaginable event. I hope my words, along with Jennifer’s help you – and I hope your words help someone else – and so on, and so on. We are all connected. We all need each other.
And so, as another day goes by, as our country sits in sadness, hug your loved ones, spend time with the children in your life, be kind to each other and….I have written.
Today is unimaginable, and yet, for me, totally imaginable. I was a kindergarten teacher. My classroom was the very first one inside the lobby door. Many times our lockdown drills made me aware that my room was the first place a gunman would go. Each time I covered the windows, locked the door, closed the blinds and huddled my tiny students into a dark corner, I thought what if….what if…
Those thoughts of “what if” were in the back of my mind every time I had to explain this drill to students too young to know such violence. I was the one introducing them to what horrific things lurk in the world. How do you gently break it to an innocent five year old that we have to huddle down and be very quiet because someone with a gun could be in the hallway? Then how do you convey that this is only a drill and they are really safe? There’s a fine line between real and a drill in the minds of children that age, many of whom used to cry during routine fire drills, let alone a man with a gun.
Today heaven gained 20 more angels. They are in the hands of God. We must pray for their parents and families, but our attention must turn to the little ones left here in our care. If I were still teaching, I know come Monday morning I would have twenty sets of little eyes looking to me to reassure them that our school was a safe place to be today and I would have to put on a smile and go to great lengths to maintain normalcy throughout the school day. Their lives must go on despite the fear today strikes in our hearts. We must be the examples for how to do that.
My heart goes out to the people in Connecticut and to my colleagues, parents, and children of Broadalbin Perth Central School District in upstate NY. Just know dear people, my heart is with you. I will pray that you have the wisdom and words you need when you return to work on Monday morning. I pray also for my daughter who is a teacher at Lake George Elementary in the Adirondacks and was on a field trip with 40 eight year olds today while this was happening. The responsibility for these little lives she held in her hands was greatly magnified by today’s tragedy.
Everyone who texts me and writes on Facebook says that “there are no words.” But in effect, there are words. Words of prayer for some semblance of peace and comfort for the people in Connecticut and wisdom for parents and teachers everywhere that have to ease the fears and protect the precious little ones left here in our care.
And so, as another day goes by, it is with empathy and a heavy heart…I have written.
I NOW know why I didn’t know the world was supposed to end yesterday – because it wasn’t. I read the date in the blog reversed. The person titled the blog 12/12/12 and went on to talk about the end of the Mayan calendar on 12/21/12. I knew something felt strange because it wasn’t mentioned anywhere in yesterday’s news.
Still, thinking about the end of the world a week early gives me some pause to stop and ponder how I would live the day if I really had some way of knowing it was going to be my last day on earth. I think the most important by thing I’d do is tell those I hold close I love them and thank them for all the meaning they gave to my life. Other than that, if it was the end of the world, there really is no more to do.
This is really quite simple – why not just do this today and be prepared for next Friday? That way when I’m negotiating Xmas traffic next Friday, getting my daughter from Boston and making our way to NY, I won’t have to be concerned about the world ending, too.
And so, as another day goes by, let’s not wait for the end of the world – or the next national disaster, let’s go ahead and say the important stuff today, and….I have written.
12/12/12. The day, once again, the world was supposed to end. How could I have missed this?
It could’ve ended as I was driving up 6A to bible study this morning. But it didn’t.
It could’ve ended when my prayer ladies and I were giving praise for the things God has given us. But it didn’t. (I think He might’ve had something to say about it.)
It could’ve ended while I was at fit club pushing those weights up and down. But it didn’t. (I hate when anything interferes with my exercise schedule.)
It could’ve ended while I was waiting for my peppermint mocha at Dunkin Donuts. But it didn’t. (I’m truly glad about that – I really needed my afternoon coffee before dealing with the end of the world.)
It could’ve ended as I got ready for my evening out. But it didn’t.
It could’ve ended while my writer colleagues were sharing their work tonight at our Xmas Writers Night Out. But it didn’t. (That was good, because I really enjoyed all those stories.)
It could’ve ended as I drove back home from Hyannis. But it didn’t.
All this time, as I was blindly clicking through my busy day, I had no idea the world was supposed to end today. I just found out, now, at 9 pm when I read another blog entitled 12/12/12. There’s still three hours to go in 12/12/12, but all’s quiet out there. The only sound I heard was the gentle sloshing of the ocean as I shut my car door and checked the mail. I seriously doubt this is happening – tonight anyway.
And so, as another day goes by, one thought is still left lingering in my brain:
Would I have lived today any differently if I had known the world was going to end? Hmmm….and I have written.
Yesterday Dr. Phil took a break from his usual "my mom committed murder" or "my 13 year old daughter is pregnant" and did something out of the ordinary. He interviewed one of my favorite people and didn't try to analyze anyone. He sat down with Barbara Streisand and Seth Rogen, stars of the upcoming film "The Guilt Trip".
At one point in the interview Dr. Phil asked Barbara if she considered herself a perfectionist. She said up until now, she really didn't. Seth Rogen told her she was indeed a perfectionist and she should own that. She agreed and said now she does admit it – she is a perfectionist in everything she does. Hmmm….just own it – I liked that.
Today in Bikram yoga class someone fell out of toe stand. Wonderful guest teacher said that it's okay to take a little spill once in awhile, in fact, it's probably a good thing. That resonated with being a perfectionist. I think a lot of us are perfectionists. We want what we do to be "right". We want to do it ourselves and and stand back, with our hands on our hips, and survey just how nicely we placed each piece, giving our creation a certain voice. I love that feeling. I get it when I draw. I get it when I write. I get it when I clean the house. And that's great, if it always turned out that way.
What about when it doesn't? I just got my Xmas cards in the mail from the printer and sat down to write them out. I remember making them a few weeks ago. I go through a lot for the perfect card. I start the whole year before, taking umpteen pictures outside during every snowstorm we get, hoping just one will become next year's card. When I find that picture and add my words, I love the card I created. It's perfect and it will take what's in my heart to the homes of my friends and family who live far away and I don't see often.
I ordered 25 cards – not cheap – and had written out about half of them when I saw it. A mistake. I sent it to print with a mistake on the front of the card.
Season's was Season"s.
Devastation set in. My card is not perfect. In all the years I've been making these cards, I never sent one to print with a mistake. How could this happen? What am I going to do now? It's too late and way too expensive to reprint. Dejectedly, I finished writing out the rest of the cards, still not sure I could bring myself to mail them. This morning, instead of taking them with me to yoga to mail afterward, I left them on the counter, all sealed, complete with stamps, and sadly picked up my mat and headed out the door.
Then…..teacher Alex said it's probably good to take a little spill once in awhile. Barbara Streisand said she just owns being a perfectionist now. And here sit my imperfect cards. Sometimes it really is good for a perfectionist to take a little spill. It's okay to be a perfectionist, as long as you don't think you are always going to be perfect. This I need to own. I guess I'll just start owing the mistake by mailing the cards.
Ummm….no.
And so, as another day goes by, either I'm not very good at taking little spills or I have too much time on my hands, and…I have written.
It’s been seven weeks now integrating Bikram yoga with Koko fit club. The first four weeks the two just did not get along and there were many nasty days in the sandbox. These last three weeks have been quite uneventful. They are playing nice together. I do think it’s going to be a good marriage.
Today I went to fit club in the morning and had a lot of energy all day and then went to Bikram tonight. The room was very hot and humid from the 4:30 pm class. I felt a bit nervous, but quickly calmed down because I reminded myself of how much energy I had. It was hot in there, but I was having an awesome class. I began to try to figure out why all of sudden I’m feeling stronger and have more stamina in these tough, hot classes. Tonight, for the first time, my muscles in my body are decidedly different. They are very tight in my legs – almost like they take up more space under the skin. This makes some of the poses more difficult. I think they are much stronger though. The first four weeks I suffered in Bikram with muscles that turned to rubber during the floor series. That has not happened in over two weeks now. I think the Koko has done a lot to build and increase muscle mass and strength, and in turn, made the tough yoga classes easier.
Those first four weeks were tough, but I’m glad now I didn’t give up on either one. I just kept telling myself to give my body time to adjust. So yoga class wasn’t pretty. Who cares? Sometimes the medicine tastes nasty, but the healing does happen. You keep on keeping on and eventually it all settles down and comes together – just like any good marriage meant to last a lifetime.
And so, body and soul thoroughly exercised, time to settle in for the big game, life is definitely good, and….I have written. GO PATS!
