This morning I was listening to Ryan Seacrest’s Top Forty on the radio as I was driving. I like the interviews with the artists interspersed between the songs on the countdown. I was negotiating my parking spot at The Christmas Tree Shop and caught the last sentence of someone’s interview. I didn’t get the name of the artist because I was concentrating on parking, but as I settled into my parking space the sentence I heard was:
“Nobody is going to give me, me, better than me.”
As I locked the car and walked across the parking lot, that sentence resonated in my brain and made me smile. I loved the confidence I heard in that artist’s voice as he articulated his thoughts on writing his own music. I felt the feeling slide through me that it really is okay to be me. I spent a good part my life trying to be like everyone else. This never went over well for me because it just showcased to how different from from the norm I always was. I hated that I was different and the fact that the harder I tried to package and conform myself, the more different I appeared. Most of my school years went down that way.
When I reached college, it was quickly pointed out by others who didn’t know me all my life, that I was different. They weren’t critical though. I was actually given accolades for being the different one in the dorm and on campus. The quote the young artist made today drew me back to those years and the people who appreciated my uniqueness because they totally changed the way I viewed and accepted myself. If not for them, I don’t think I could’ve marched out into the field of education with the kind of confidence it takes to do that job effectively. They set me up for living the way I lived the rest of my life. I was always different as a teacher, a wife, and a mother. In turn, my adult daughters are both confident professionals and do not compromise their beliefs in their personal lives.
I hope the words of that artist struck another young person listening to that show today and inspired the same feeling in them that it did in me. Retirement has prompted those early feelings to resurface as I moved into the uncharted territory of becoming a writer. Once again I started out thinking I was supposed to approach the writing process like everyone else in this new world I’m in. And, once again, I found out through others that have not known me all my life that it’s okay to be different. Though we all compare war stories in the writing world and learn from each other, the one thing we do celebrate is our differences. I found out that in the artist’s world, different is good. It’s okay that I love red or purple streaks in my hair, pop music and pop culture, bright colors against black, yoga clothes, funky boots, a comfy gray hoodie and my iPhone. It’s fine that hot yoga rocks my boat and keeps me sane in such an upended world. It’s necessary and good that I write and communicate what is born somewhere down deep so that it may emerge and maybe enhance the life of another. It’s okay that learning now resides in spiritual journeying rather than in a classroom and faith in God is paramount to walking that road. This brief snapshot of me shows me that nobody is going to give me, me better than me.
What would a teeny snapshot of you look like? Feel free to comment and tell me below. Together we make an awesome album.
And so, as another day goes by, no matter what stage you are in in your life, nobody is going to give you, you, better than you, you are a gift to your world, so take delight in being the beautiful, unique soul you are, and….I have written.
Tonight I’m reading “Charming Lily” by Fern Michaels. It’s not very well-written, but I am enjoying the storyline. One character, in the midst of his conflict, is very spiritually oriented and uses the phrase “Throw it out to the universe and see what comes back to you.” The two times so far, when his back was absolutely to the wall, that he used this phrase as a means to finding solutions in what seemed to be impossible situations, gave me a good feeling.
He was tied up in the trunk of a car and his captors heard him yell “There! It’s out in the universe! Let them deal with this! I’m done!” His captors came rushing over and asked what he was yelling about. He told them he just threw this whole situation out to the universe and the whole world is coming down on them, he’s done dealing with it and is going to sleep now. Then he promptly rolled over and pretended to sleep as he heard them start to argue among themselves.
I got such peace from that scene. It’s exactly what I do with God. I get my back against the wall and get frustrated and tired of dealing with something, and, I too fling it not into the universe, but up to God. I tell Him to take it and then I, too, turn over and go to sleep. There’s no more of a secure feeling than that – flinging whatever it is up to God, washing my hands of the worry, and falling asleep imagining God working while I’m sleeping.
And so, as another day goes by, even though the book is not well-written, doesn’t pack a wallop to my heart, it still manages to speak to the human spirit, and…I have written.
I just read a great column in today's Cape Cod Times entitled "No More Christmas Whittling" by Saralee Perel, author of "Cracked Nuts & Sentimental Journeys: Stories From A Life Out of Balance. "A life out of balance". Now isn't that a mind full. How many things happen to all of us that knock our lives out of balance? A lot, right? Most often loss, especially at holiday time, tilts our worlds.
In "No More Christmas Whittling", Perel touches on a something that's been a huge fear for me and I've grappled with it for two years now. She tells the story of how she and her husband couldn't visit the places and do some of the things they used to do because they lost people and pets that they spent those times with. I so connected with this article. With the loss I've experienced two years ago I was very sad and could not use things or visit places just like Saralee and her husband. It shocked me that loss could wipe out whole chunks of my life because I couldn't go here or there, do this or that, or even wear certain clothes or jewelry anymore because of the loss associated with it. Once I took a look at the huge pieces of life that I was shelving by not wanting any more to do with those things, I realized I couldn't let that happen, but I didn't know how to fix it. Perel's article clarified it for me.
In Saralee's article, she talked about not being able to take that beautiful walk around Eagle Pond in Cotuit anymore after losing their dog. What a shame. A place so beautiful can never be enjoyed again because of loss. Her next example was never being able to eat fried clams in Ipswich because her husband's family was gone. He said if he went back to those places he'd see the dog at the pond and his family at the table. She asked him if that would be so bad. He cried for a long time – happy tears of freedom. He opened his heart to embracing memories.
That article spoke to my heart deeply today, especially with the impending holidays. I finally feel I can pull all my places, clothes, jewelry, etc back into my life and fill in the gaping holes that loss had left. Life has to go on. New memories with the loved ones we have left, have
to be made. Just because things and places will now be different when
visited or worn, I can't shut out whole pieces of my life. .
Nearing the end of the article, she said:
"If we close doors because we allow sad memories to overtake the goodness of the times, we'll continuously whittle our lives away."
Yesterday in Boston I revisited some places I never thought I could go to again because of painful memories, but it was okay. Pain and sad memories of yesterday cannot rule my life today. Walking the streets of the North End, I realized this was the day I knew real healing was taking place.
And so, as another day goes by, going home to NY for the holidays will be better this year because I refuse to whittle away anymore of the good life I have left, and …I have written.
Today I had to spend the day in Boston to attend an appointment with my daughter. Instead of doing my usual commuter rail jaunt, I elected to use the subway. Not such a good idea on workday. When I arrived at the T parking garage, it was full. There was nothing else to do but park in the shopping plaza adjacent to it. In the lot there are various signs warning against T parking. You know the kind : “You will be towed. Police take notice.” I looked around and at 9 am there were over two hundred cars in the paring lot. Xmas shopping starts early and gets over late. I also saw a lot of people walking down the sidewalk in the direction of the subway. If they were going to tow cars, they would have to tow about 200. I found a nice little corner to park in as I rationalized that the police have better things to do today than seek out just my car in this lot and tow it. I locked my car and walked to the T.
I caught the first train. It was sitting there with the doors open. I hopped on board and settled myself. Then it started (my mind, not the train). Should I get off and go back to my car? Did the police watch me walk to the subway? No, they don’t know where I am after I parked my car. I could be spending my day in the mall. After all, it is Xmas shopping season. The train doors closed. I was on my way to the city. It was, once again, a situation out of my control.
Now, the old me would’ve kept up this mind banter for the whole 40 minute ride into the city, and once there, would’ve let it completely ruin a beautiful day with my daughter because I would worry relentlessly over my car being towed. I wouldn’t be able to shop and discuss Xmas with my daughter. The beautiful afternoon coffee and dessert at the Cafe Victoria in the North End would not have been fun because I would’ve never been able to give our conversation my full attention due to excessive fidgeting over the plight of my car. The time spent at her eye doctor appointment this afternoon would’ve been absolute agony for the old me. I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on what the doctor was saying because I would’ve been too busy willing myself out of there to be on my way back to my car.
So, how did the new me handle this? Before the doors of the train even closed, I gave it to God. I stopped reasoning why or why not would my car be there when I returned. I just let it go. I couldn’t control what would happen to my car. And, if it did get towed, I trusted God would just help me find my way out of that, too, and get home sometime tonight. The train doors closed and the inability to control it didn’t overtake me. I just texted my daughter that I was on my way and marveled at how I banished the anxiety. I felt my shoulders softly relax – a feeling I rarely ever remember having in the middle of difficulty.
I’ve done the work. Two years of it. Kicked depression to the curve, dug up old habits and behaviors that used to hold me back from being the kind of person I wanted to be, and learned how to be still, trust God, and let go. All those days of learning about mind and body control in Bikram yoga. All those weeks of driving to bible study in tears. Almost 800 blog posts and 700 morning pages worth of writing, exploring and defining what was happening to me.
Today was one of those days I was called upon to put all that work to the test once more. There have been other things these past few months that put my new found outlook on life’s happenings to a test and I’ve noticed a pattern in being able to handle them much the same way I did today. The initial reaction of stilling my thoughts, focusing on God, letting go and trusting, feeling His hand on my right shoulder, and physically feeling the tension release and my anxiety cease. Even in the middle of heated and hurtful discussions, I was able to stop and be still and really listen to the other person and actually look at things from their point of view, allowing me to proceed without lashing out to defend or protect myself.
Sometimes all it takes is something as simple as a full parking garage to show you a snapshot of yourself. What did you face today? How did you react? Was it thoughtful or was your reaction impulsive and now you wish you could take it back? How did you deal with a situation you could not control? Were you able to let it go and trust in something bigger than yourself?
Tomorrow when something slams into your happy, stop and regain stillness, trust in your God, let go and pretty soon that softening of the shoulders becomes addictive. And that’s a good thing.
And so, as another day goes by, it was a lovely day with my daughter, I’m so glad I freed myself to enjoy it despite its start, I loved the tiny coffee spoon, and….I have written.
Yesterday I went to the mailbox and pulled out what I thought was a Xmas card from my very dear friend in Buffalo. Trouble was, the envelope felt way too thick to be a card and there was extra postage on it. I opened it up and it wasn't a Xmas card at all. It was a cute "thinking of you" card with a little package inside. In the card she wrote "I couldn't resist". I opened the wrapping and found a really cool cross, but what was written on the cross was even cooler:
"And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying:
'Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain'. So God granted him what he requested."
I Chronicles 4:10
My beloved "Prayer of Jabez", given to me in a tiny book by another dear friend back in NY, in April of 2005. That day that my life began to crack open and change in ways I couldn't imagine. We were getting our nails done and I was telling her what a bad place I was in with three houses and not a lot of money. She told me about the prayer and told me to pray it everyday and my life will change in extraordinary ways. A few days later the book appeared in my mailbox. I began to pray the prayer and my life did a complete 360 and so did the lives of all those I loved and prayed the prayer for. Of course, I read the book and gained greater understanding on just what God was saying here. I don't believe just saying a concoction of words without divine understanding is going to change anyone's cirumstances or life.
A few good years went by and I was in places doing things I could've never imagined. Then I somehow forgot about the prayer. I went along on my ride through the months and let other things become bigger and more important than my faith. You would think God wouldn't care. Oh no. When you are one of His children He never let's you go. If you stray, He grabs you by the collar and puts you in a horrible "sifting season".
It took four months into my "sifting season" for me to realize that I had stopped praying that prayer. But it was not just a string of words I let go of. It was a deep understanding that God and I had daily that I just let drop by the wayside. In it's place I put my faith in people – and we all know how that goes. My life fell apart and I had no strength to handle any of it. It was during this time that my dear friend from Buffalo realized what a bad way I was in and came to visit me for a week. While she was here I told her about the prayer, then after she left I wrote a few blogs about it and resumed praying it. This prayer got me through two very tough years and once again is changing me and bringing me to a new place in life.
And now, to open the mailbox once again and have the prayer there – well, I guess I get the message. I mean, really, who has the same very obscure prayer show up in their mailbox, not once, but twice in seven years, from two entirely different people whose only connection is their deep faith? Only me.
I slipped the necklace on and you can bet I will never go another day without praying it. I never, ever, want to be grabbed by the collar by God and go through anything like that "sifting season" again. As a result of this "sifting" I am a totally different person. I possess more self-control and serenity than I ever could've dreamed I'd be capable of. I don't even remove my jacket or sweatshirt during a hot flash anymore (I used to rip it off in a panicked frenzy), I'm so used to quieting myself and knowing it will pass. No more panic. No more frantic and frenetic. From hot flashes to the big things life throws at me, my first reaction now is to stop, pray, and let it go.
Thank you my dear, dear friends, Karen and Phyllis who understood and helped me find the road back through "The Prayer of Jabez". I love you both.
And so, as another day goes by, I will sleep with the prayer on my heart, and wake with it on my lips, forever, and…I have written.
For more on the Prayer of Jabez, see article below, and/or put Jabez in the search bar to read my posts on it.
How many times have you prayed and tried and prayed and tried, but no matter what you’ve done, God does not answer your prayer? If you’re like me in my relationship with God, there have been many many times of extreme begging and extreme fist shaking at Him because He won’t come through for me like He promised in the Bible. Whatever on Earth did He mean by “Ask and you shall be given”?
One thing I always overlook with that verse is that no where in it does God ever say just what we will be given. No where in there does He say I will be given what I’m asking for. He just says “You will be given”.
I have struggled with a difficult situation for two years and said many heartfelt prayers begging God to fix it. I had all but given up on the fact that He was ever going to answer that prayer. And now, where I am in my journey, I can look back on all those months of praying that prayer. I can see what an entirely different person I am today, than I was in the early days of praying that prayer. I now realize that if God had answered that prayer even last year, it would’ve been too soon for me. I was still in the middle of a horrible “sifting season” that God was putting me through. If He had answered my prayer while I was still bouncing around in the sifter with no clarity or understanding, it would’ve hurt me instead of helped me like I was so sure it would. It is only now that the clumps of all things that didn’t belong in my heart are “sifted” out, that I have the clarity to see that.
God wasn’t saying no to my petitions because he wasn’t answering me. He answered me by PROTECTING me from something I was asking for that He knew very well I wasn’t ready for, and would just hurt me further. “Ask and you shall receive”. I asked, and I received protection.
Keep praying that futile prayer. The answer may not be “no” as you would like to think. You may be receiving protection from a danger that you do not even know exists, should God allow you to go down the road you are asking access to.
And so, as another day goes by, the “sifting seasons”, as Beth Moore calls them, are necessary for us to grow a relationship with our Higher Power, and…I have written.
Today I had a 1:00 appointment to meet a new writer interested in joining Cape Cod Writers Center. I planned to walk down to the local cafe (about a mile away) to meet him. I planned it perfectly. I left at 12:30 and enjoyed the gorgeous weather. I got to the cafe at exactly one and found the door locked. Yesterday they changed the hours. Now what? To go anywhere else I had to walk back home to get my car. He wasn’t there yet, so I started home, sending him a message to meet at a different cafe at 1:30.
Not knowing if he was going to get the message, I started walking as fast as I could. My legs were hurting. I was sweating. Then when I turned onto my street I realized I could only walk so fast. No matter how hard I wanted to speed up or just beam myself home, I had to face it. I couldn’t go any faster. Immediately my anxiety eased. I thought about being in a car and being late for an appointment. In a car I have a lot of power to draw on to go a bit faster. Not so with my legs. This was it. I wasn’t going to get there any faster than when I was going to get there. I might as well put on my music and enjoy the walk back and not worry so about being late. I surrendered to the moment and took much pleasure in the unusually warm day – music and pleasure I would’ve missed if I insisted on focusing on the mix-up and pushing myself fueled on anxiety. It was good to let go and just accept I can’t change the situation, (and hope he got the message).
He did. We met at 1:30 and had a lovely conversation over coffee, which I really needed by then.
And so, as another day goes by, once again I’m reminded that there really are going to be things I simply cannot control in this life, there are times I must stop pushing, forcing, and striving, and….I have written.
Come on, guys, put down the remote and consider this question:
What do you think is the most important thing you can do for your woman?
Take good care of yourself – stay fit, healthy and well-groomed? Do your fair share around the house and with the kids? Always be kind to her in word and deed?
No, no – don't reach for the remote just yet. I know all of you wonderful, attentive husbands out there are jumping up and down saying, "That's me! I do all of that!", and now think you don't have to read any further. Fellas, there is something even more important than all of the above:
Understand and attend to her spirit. Pay attention and tap into what makes her, her. Read the article below, written by a fellow author, and published Friday in the NY Times. Then, if you get it, pick up the remote and resume the football game. If you don't get it, perhaps you might want to throw away the remote and sit down with your girl for a little heart to heart.
And so, as another day goes by, I want to thank my husband for always attending to my spirit and considering what makes me, me in every discussion and decision we've made over 37 of marriage, and …I have written. (Now – Let's go Pats!)
Theresa Link is is an accomplished writer. Her words can totally express the human spirit. Enjoy this article, but also read her first novel, just out this summer, Denting The Bosch.
My husband and I had a wonderful night in Mashpee tonight. First we went to see Skyfall in Mashpee Commons. We have been watching Bond movies since we were seventeen and we were so happy to see nothing’s changed. Where else does the hero die in the very beginning of the movie and live on at the end? Only with Bond. The neat twist is how the usual demise of the enemy takes place in the end. Let’s just say it makes a statement about the times we live in.
After the movie we ventured over to Southcape Village where I go to fit club. We ate at Wicked fire kissed pizza. Wonderful! Those of you who live on the cape be sure to give this one a try. The fire kissed pizza was out of this world. Best we’ve ever had on the cape. The lettuce shrimp rolls were the perfect appetizer, but the dessert – something I’ve only had at Smokin’ Bones in Albany NY – Wicked Mini Donuts with cinnamon and chocolate dipping sauces, was amazing. My husband and I got a frequent customer card because we know we’ll be spending many winter nights there.
And so, as another day goes by, this is what weekends are for, and…I have written.
Photo: approaching the Mashpee rotary…
Last night I had a wonderful time sharing my writing with my critique group. Their comments and ideas sent me home high on inspiration. I walked in the door and left the manuscript on the counter. I danced around it all night and this morning – kind of scared of it, but yet excited about it. I didn’t know what my next step would be, so I just left it alone.
