A year and a half ago I blogged about my first piece of writing. In April of 2011 I joined a fiction writing group and brought my first piece of writing ever, to have it critiqued. I took the criticism well. It turned out I had a great story, but it was so obvious I was a new writer. I could deal with this. This group hung together throughout the summer and I slowly began to realize that all new writers make the same type of mistakes. I also realized I was no where near even attempting a novel. Our group disbanded in September and we all went our separate ways. I took my beginning novel and put it away – until today.
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Oh my. I didn't realize the heavens were going to open up when I invited iCloud onto my Mac Sunday night. Installing Mountain Lion was such an ordeal that I stayed away from the computer for the past two days. Tonight I ventured back onto it. Oh my. When my desktop opened, my text messages from my phone were on it. Fifteen minutes later I found the culprit. A little messenger guy that now sits on my desktop. I didn't sign up for him, but there he is delivering me my text messages from Siri on my iPhone. Next I opened my email. Oh my. Oh my, my, my. It was now in the format that appears on the iPad. I don't have an iPad. I'm not familiar with this. When I clicked on a message with the subject RE: Hi, not only did I get that message, but below it was every message I ever got with that subject line – all the way back to 2008. Way much more than what I bargained for! While all of this was going on, in the upper right hand corner of my screen, new email messages and alerts from my phone were popping up and then disappearing. It now appears my phone is on my computer. I really expected my computer to ring if I got a phone call. I still had much to do on the computer tonight, but this was already too much. Besides, I'm not allowed wine during the week, so further cloud exploration is going to have to wait until the weekend. A really great thing I found on Twitter? Alicia Keys flipping the switch to light the Empire State Building illuminating it with the new LED lights. The really cool part was the lights, which are now computer controlled, played along with her new song Girl On Fire and her old song Empire State of Mind. Very, very cool. Take a break with me and just enjoy the video in the article below. And so, as another day goes by, when learning a new thing it's important to know your limits, step away, and enjoy something totally irrelevant, and…I have written. PS – I wrote this blog on my phone, saved it to Typepad, then went back to the computer to insert this link – when I got to the computer the screensaver would not go away when I moved the mouse or touched the keyboard. I had to shut the whole computer off and restart it. I think I'm gonna need a lot of wine for the weekend. Enjoy Alicia…..this is so cool on the big computer screen! Alicia Keys, "Girl On Fire", lights up Empire State Building
Just in case you're considering entering the cloud……… This morning, driving back from yoga, that was my question to God and the universe in general. Yesterday I went to fit club and night yoga and this morning, less than 15 hours later, I was back in yoga. The class was better than I expected. No heat or breathing problems and even my arm muscles held up okay. New things are now cropping up. Today, even after all that exercise yesterday, my muscles in general were extremely tight. Poses that posed no problem for me for two years, are extremely hard now. But I get it. I’m ready to move to a new level in yoga. Moving to a new level in everything is hard. One of my friends in yoga class is newly pregnant. Thinking of her practicing behind me, my mind went back to my own pregnancies. I had a hard time just being pregnant, never mind going to Bikram yoga, too. I give her kudos for showing up. Then, on the way home, I put the two ideas together and came up with the idea that everything is hard because it’s all like birthing. Diet and exercise are hard. Writing a book is hard. Fighting an illness is hard. Working on a marriage is hard. Losing someone and letting go is hard. Doing a huge project at work is hard. You name it – anytime something is going to change and move to a new level, it’s hard. And we like it that way. Don’t say “What?” We do like it to be hard. We like it to take a tremendous amount of effort to accept setbacks, get up and keep trying, and finally move forward. Every change we undertake, whether it’s voluntary or involuntary, requires the changing and rearranging of body and brain cells to move to that next level. The pounds get lost, the book gets written, the illness gets better, we learn to let go, and the project gets done, – only after we have been broken down in some way and built back up in another, and this process is never easy. And that’s where the worth is created. That’s why everything is hard. And that’s also why we like it that way. Once a friend asked my husband and I “Why does there have to be levels?” Remember: Change is moving to the next level. I always picture the level as a flat plane above me and I’m climbing up on it, hanging on, trying to get my knee on top of the plane. It hurts. It’s hard. Sometimes I think I can’t hang on one more minute. Then I finally get that knee up there and hoist the rest of myself up on the plane. It’s flat and smooth and I stand up and raise my arms in victory. It was so worth it. Then I look up. And what do I see? Another hard, cold, steel flat plane. Another level. I take all my newly arranged cells and get ready to do it all again. And so, as another day goes by, whatever is hard right now will be worth it, just don’t give up, move and change those cells, and….I have written.
It all started with the cloud. I wanted to find my cloud stuff in iTunes and iPhoto. No clouds. I went into my settings and all I had was Mobile Me. I clicked on that and got an error. It was gone. I vaguely remember an email that moved me from Mobile Me to iCloud a few months ago. So where are these clouds on my Mac? I venture I to the Apple site to investigate and find that computers not running OSX 10.8 and higher don’t support iCloud. Mine is 10.7. Missed it by a tenth. So what is the remedy? I need to download a new operating system – Mountain Lion. I must change my Snow Leopard into a Mountain Lion. I was instantly filled with dread. I have changed many operating systems over the years, on both PC’s and Macs. It’s not always good. I hit the download button, then hit the wine bottle. This cannot be done without red wine. Sorry. I know I gave it up, but this is Mountain Lion and it sounds dangerous. 45 minutes later it installed itself and I’m ready to log on. So far, so good. I wait for my desktop to load. It does so seamlessly. My calendar pops up – uh oh. No To Do’s on the side of the calendar. I never kept things to do on that “to do” list – I kept the passwords to everything in the world on it. More wine. Came back. I’m a little sweaty and shaky. I notice this thing called Reminders on my new desktop. I click and there they were. My passwords. I need to find a new place for these. Phew. Dodged a big one there. Then I try to open all my manuscripts for my books and query letters. They don’t open. I look at the desktop and Microsoft Word has an circle with a line through it. Mountain Lion doesn’t support word. I shake more and sweat more. More wine. I go out to the kitchen and my husband asks me how it’s going. I just tell him I need more wine. Back to the Apple site. I find out that I need to download a new word processor called Pages. $19 more dollars. (Mountain Lion cost 19 too). I downloaded it, and hooked it up to the cloud, dragged my manuscripts into it and they opened up beautifully. Phew. Dodged another one. More wine. I shut down the computer and stumble out to my chair feeling very weak and shaky. Isn’t it too bad what loss of technology can do to a person? Make one drink too much wine. I thought I was done until I got the idea to see if the new Pages has a Mobile App. It did. 10 more dollars. (So far, not counting the wine, this has been a $50 night just to get in the almighty cloud.) But the mobile app is fantastic. All my manuscripts are on both my phone and computer and any changes I make are automatically saved on both. And Pages is a beautiful program. So easy to create documents with pictures, templates, and special effects. I was very happy in the end – more wine to celebrate my success. And so, as another day goes by, I’m sorry to admit technology does rule my life, but at least it’s compatible with wine, and….I have written.
When you say “I love you” what does it mean to you, the one who uttered those words? I used to feel that those were the most overused words in the English language. Over the past two years I’ve taken note every time I used those three little words. Just what did I mean by them? Did I mean “I wish you well”? Did I mean “You mean the world to me”? Did I mean “Please stay safe”? Did I mean “I cherish our times together”? I meant all of those things when I said those three little words. I never meant “Now you must love me back”, “Now you must answer every email or text”, “Now I need you to pay attention to me or I am hurt and sad”. I never meant the receiver of those words ever had to give anything back to me. Anything that comes back to me from those three little words is all surprise and bonus. This is the freedom found in real, sincere love. Even inside of a romantic relationship, there should never be expectations just because you said those three little words. Expectation leads to score-keeping, and, I have seen it over and over again, score-keeping is the demise of the relationship. My husband and I have never kept score and that’s been the underlying foundation of a 37 year relationship that is happy, not just have-to. The times I’ve been surprised by his return of my love are too numerous to mention. The times I gave to him are too numerous to mention. Why? Because there’s no score. Neither of us have ever uttered the words “I did that for you, now you should do this for me”. We just did things because we put the each other’s happiness over our own and in that, found tremendous freedom inside of love. I have taken what I’ve learned in my marital love and applied it to family and friend love. Talk about freedom. Yoga taught me “no expectations” in approaching a class, and it also reinforced the way I love – with no expectations. And so, as another day goes by, below is what found this morning that prompted my thinking today, and….I have written.
This weekend everyone is decorating for Xmas, us included. We went to get our wreath for the side of the house. Put up all the outside decorations. Then I bribed my daughter to help with the inside decorating by cracking open a bottle of red. Of course, before the Xmas decor could begin, fall must be boxed up and put away. The end of fall, marking the beginning of winter. After New Year’s, Xmas will go away, the house will get a good cleaning, and a new year will begin. Next comes redoing the decorations for Valentines Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and soon after that, Easter. Spring will have sprung and another new era of growth and renewal will begin. Memorial Day, followed patriotically by the Fourth of July, marks the growing season. Things reach for the sun and reach their full potential. Summer winds down the growth period and Labor Day marks the first steps back into autumn. We are new people getting ready for Halloween, and soon we find ourselves back right here, on this very same Thanksgiving weekend, ready to start all over again. Seasons marked by decorating mark our personal growth for another year, just like those lines on the doorway used to mark our height while growing up. It’s important to mark our time and growth. This season we are marking today by hanging wreaths and holiday lights celebrates where we’ve been this year and points us toward the journey of a new year in just a few weeks. Where have you been this year? Where do you want to go next year? Think about the journey as you hoist up that tree and place that star on top. Are you ready for the next chapter of your life? Remember, you can’t live the next chapter if you keep rereading the previous one. Reflect on last year, then box it up with the fall decorations. Let the sparkle of the Xmas decorations remind you of the bright shiny new things to come as you travel through a new year of holiday decorating. And so, as another day goes by, get ready, get set, go! Decorate your way into this festive season, don’t forget the red or some crisp white, and….I have written.
My daughter and I spent the better part of the morning returning to the Cape after our NY holiday with our family. The house was cold when we arrived because I had turned the heat off. We discovered it was warmer outside. After unpacking we decided to take walks until the house warmed up. We figured our food and drink bodies that were not in motion for two days, could use some actual forward movement. (Movement that didn't involve replenishing food or drink, that is.) We went our separate ways – she right, me left, at the T on the beach road. We both craved some solitude after the holiday time. My time in NY was wonderful. I really did exactly what I said I was going to do – sat back with my drink and let the holiday unfold. A much more peaceful me returned to this beach today. I came down the beach path and as soon as my feet hit the sand, I felt that instant connection to my home base. I felt like the Progressive snap-shot for the car insurance – click! There was a girl on a blanket sunbathing in shorts – not uncommon the day after Thanksgiving on Cape Cod. We get many warm, sunny days like this throughout the winter. I made my way further down the beach and jumped as a wave scared me and broke on the sandbar with a loud crackle, disturbing my peace. I laughed and looked up. A canvas of blue was spread out before me. The water dark blue, the sky a brilliant light blue and sandwiched right in the middle of the two blues was a medium hue. It was the coastal storm raging off-shore that was so kind as to miss us this week. I made my way back up the beach path, marveling how strong my legs and heart were. I remember a day not too long ago when this path was too much for me. Glad that my exercise and yoga are doing their job, I landed back on the road, and turned toward home. I was amazed at both my strength and peace. For about two weeks now I've felt like I'm on perpetual Valium without taking a thing. If I could bottle this….lol! Idling slowly home, I reflected on how I have changed my perspective on how the actions of others affect me. If I can help someone, I will. If they are "attacking" me, I don't engage. I try to see me from their side. Most of the time I can truly understand where they are coming from. Sometimes I am at fault. I say sorry. Sometimes it is coming from an emotional place in them that they can't get past. I go quiet and just understand. For now, it's the root of my peace – way better than Valium. And so, for me this was blue Friday, not black Friday, and I thought today I'd just share a bit of my peace with you, as you may be braving the crowds or or finding your fingers cramped from cyber shopping, take a breath, enjoy, and…. I have written. Last night at dinner I was recounting a funny video I just happened to see on America’s Funniest Home Videos this week. I don’t watch that show because it features a lot of people getting hurt and I just can’t laugh at that. I put on the last five minutes of it the other night so I wouldn’t miss turning to the show that came on after it and for once, they had a home video on that was truly funny. It featured a mom doing number flash cards with her three year old. Mom held up a 7 and the child said, “Seven.” Mom held up a 2 and the child said, “Two.” Mom held up an 11 and the child said, “Press pause.” I laughed out loud. Now THAT was a funny home video. Today, as I still smile over the video, it rings with a message about what we will all do today: Press pause. And so, as another Thanksgiving Day goes by, I want to tell you how thankful I am for each and every one of you, my dear readers, “press pause” and have the best day ever, and….I have written.
The day before the first big holiday of the 2012 holiday season found me up at 5 am, leaving the house early to pick up my daughter in Boston and drive to NY. I picked her up at 9:30 am and was out of the city and headed west on the Mass Pike by 9:40. It was the quickest trip to NY I have ever taken – especially on the the day before a major holiday. We pulled into Albany at 12:05. As we were unloading the car I got to thinking why it was such a quick trip. Then I realized that all the way we didn’t even listen to the music – we had it turned way down in the background, then finally off when my daughter’s boss called her – she was supposed to be working from home this morning – just so happened “home” was in motion. After she got off the phone we just continued talking, never turned the music back on and suddenly we were in Albany. Last night my other daughter called me and talked to me for 45 minutes about her life situations. Tonight my husband and I went out to dinner and I filled him in on what I learned about both girls in the last 24 hours. And that is what I’m thankful for this year. That I COULD tell him what I know about their lives. That, and the fact that I could report that they each are on different life paths, but they are happy and passionate and filled with the energy twenty and thirty somethings should be filled with at that time of their lives. My Boston daughter is staying with her sister and they are meeting college friends for the traditional night out. That is another thing I’m thankful for. The two of them just couldn’t wait to meet up and were off to manicures inside of thirty minutes of us arriving. They are best friends, just as my sister is my best friend. I’m glad my girls have each other and better yet, they are glad they do, too. My husband and I are home now, after doing some errands, settling down to a pumpkin martini for dessert, and getting ready to watch the X Factor together. None of what made my heart sing today cost a great deal of money. It is all the result of years of hard work building a family. After all, isn’t that what this holiday is all about? And so, as another day goes by, tomorrow we will enlarge our family to include my siblings and their families and my dad, we will share the traditional meal, raise a few glasses of wine, but today was about the four of us, and….I have written. Our favorite family pic- we are a fun bunch!!! Lol!
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