|
|
November 9th, 2012 You know how life goes. One step forward, two steps back. I hate those two steps, but life is not linear and nor is progress in it vertical. We move, but it is not always in a forward direction. Those two steps show up every time you add, subtract, multiply, or divide something. Every time you change something, those two steps backward are going to show up somewhere. They can show up in your job, health, relationships, or if you're very lucky, they'll show up on your exercise routine that was progressing nicely.
I was lucky. My two steps backward are showing up in my Bikram yoga. Adding the regular exercise routine to my life completely tore down my yoga practice. Last week I had two very hard classes and another one today. I do understand though, how you can do something well for two years, change something, and you revert to being a beginner again. When I had been teaching for 32 years, we drastically changed our curriculum and my first year using it I remember the amount of work and long hours that were added to my life due to the change. I do remember saying that I felt like a first year teacher all over again. So it is with my yoga practice. I feel like that beginning yogi 24 months ago, that not only fought panic trying to stay in the room, but my poses have rapidly deteriorated back to, or even worse than, beginner status.
My cardio and weight training are working on my muscles. You know, those very muscles that took months to rework in yoga – that practice that changes you from the inside out, bones to skin? I think the yoga is mad that my muscles are being otherwise messed with. Today certainly was original. I actually had chills in that hot room. Really. I was laying on a hot towel, shivering. That threw me. I made it through the standing series, taking a knee for half a pose, but now it's the floor series – where I never had problem before, that is killing me. I did only 1 of each pose and in bow I just held my feet up and simply could not kick up. Standing head to knee was ridiculously hard for me as a beginner. It used to zap all I had right in the beginning of class. It took a year to be able to get the grip and kick out. Now, I'm back to square one. I can't get the grip for the life of me. I can't kick out at all. I stand bent over holding my foot for half the pose, then I have to stand up and just hold my knee up in the air. Back when I was a beginner I was never even that inept at this pose. Yoga has become hard again. I'm beginning to anticipate bad classes. No expectations is something you master in your first six months and here I am on its doorstep again.
Then, if a bad class wasn't enough, I left with yoga brain. I barely drove home, got out of the car only to realize I left my mat at the studio. Back I drove to get my mat. Upon arriving home again, I retrieved the mail and went into the house, only to see the paper lying on the driveway. I went back out get the paper, got back in the house again only to realize I have sunglasses on. Back out to the car to change glasses. Yup. True yoga brain.
Progress in anything in life is not exclusively forward moving. The hardest part is not returning to beginner status, but to accept that you absolutely have to in order for forward progress to eventually resume. Be aware of that. If you feel you've stumbled, don't be fooled. It's all part of your forward progress. Be kind to yourself, realize it for what it is, then watch yourself get built back up better than ever.
And so, as another day goes by, change and acceptance have taken over my life this fall, the hot room is full of big, new lessons to learn this winter, I recognize it, I will accept it, but I probably won't like it, and …..I have written.
Someday……again….
November 8th, 2012 Today's post is courteous of Lisa Marie Selow, a unique blogger I met during my blog challenge. Today she had a guest blogger that she invited to post about music. Whether you're a musician or just love music, I think you will enjoy this one! Check out Lisa's blog, too! She's a Rebel Chick Mystic…….
(Click tiny link below)
Today’s guest post is by Amy Saari, one of my greatest music teachers. I asked her to write about music, a subject near and dear to my heart and many others’ hearts.
via lisaselow.com
November 7th, 2012 Where I am today has driven my topic for this post. Today I am in NY, the morning after the big election, instead of at my women’s bible study at the Cape. Although I miss my dear sisters, I know God works in my life wherever I am and today is no different. I decided that since I couldn’t attend the session, I’d bring the book to NY with me and, from 9:30 to 10:30 I’d spend the time doing the homework that I knew would be assigned to us today. I so didn’t want to miss this weekly time studying God’s word, because as a person who never spent much time in the bible, I figure I have a lot to do. With what I just learned from Psalm 126, I’m so glad I took this time.
Psalm 126 gives us a GPS for our daily life. Sometimes we get so wound up in our struggles that we just cry out to God, “Why, Lord, does this have to be so hard?” We think it’s never going to end. We reach that point of thinking we should just give up. It’s all in vain. It’s hard. We just plain don’t want to do it anymore. Then, out of the blue, God steps in and answers us. He did that to me during today’s study.
Here’s that tiny Psalm 126:
A Pilgrim song
It seemed like a dream, too good to be true, when God returned Zion’s exiles.
We laughed, we sang, we couldn’t believe our good fortune. We were the talk of the nations – God was wonderful to them!
God was wonderful to us; we are one happy people.
That’s part one – something great happened. Look at part two:
And now God, do it again – bring rain to our drought-stricken lives so that those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest. So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessings.
These people wanted more. They wanted God to bless them again. But where were they in the meantime? They were in an in-between time. Make a timeline out of this:
Start with a time you remember that was too good to be true. Something you cannot believe you were given or a time you were privileged to experience. Write that at the beginning of the line. At the end of the line write something you hope for in the future that will be just as wonderful. Now look at the blank line in between. That’s the in-between time. This, like the people in the Psalm, is where you live between a good time remembered and another good time hoped for.
When you are living in an in-between time, you may be in deep peril, in a dark valley – or not. You could just be moving along doing your life, but just know God has great things for you in the future, remembering that past blessing. I don’t know about you, but those people standing there saying “And now God, do it again!” motivates me to hang in there. In Beth Moore’s words:
“God has not run out of wonders, Lovey. We have not seen the last great work of God in our lives. Perish the thought! We haven’t used up our quota of God’s mercies for the year. Let’s ask, Dear One!”
Okay, if that’s not hope, I don’t know what is. This being the morning after the big election, I feel this applies to our country, too. We remember the great times. We are sitting in the in-between time. It’s not great, but God sees us and is moved by our plights. He still performs wonders and we can’t let anyone tell us otherwise. We need to stand here, next our President, and say it: “And now God, do it again!”
My inspiration for this part of my post came from a dear friend’s Facebook post that popped up as I was writing this:
“…so, the morning after the election question….for all the Obama supporters out there….what exactly was it that he did in the last 4 years to make this nation a better place and cause you to elect him president again….or was it strictly a “party” thing…just curious.”
I loved this question. My comment on her post is below.
And so, as another day goes by, I’m enjoying the peace from the ads, the peace that having a GPS affords, and…I have written.
PS- I, like my friend, would be interested in your answer to her question, also!
November 6th, 2012 …. No, not saw your face. This is the first trip ever to NY or anywhere that I brought my writing project with me to work on. Driving down the Mass Pike that thought astounded me. What could that mean?
Now, you understand, that my writing is freelance and has no constraints or deadlines placed on it. There steps to follow such as spend a few years educating yourself, then, of course, you have to actually write the book. Next you have to belong to a good critique group and have your work evaluated by your peers. After months of this, you have to spend time researching publishing companies to find a good fit for your work. (And then about 30 more just like it). Finally you have to research and practice writing those query letters. It’s important to get those critiqued, too, if you’re new at this. None of this has any time constraints. How fast you do it depends on how much time you spend on it. How much time you spend on it depends about how serious you are about a writing career. There is no boss. There is no office. There are no set hours. The only thing that measures progress is your initiative.
For these reasons, I was surprised that I packed up my queries and manuscripts and carted them to NY with me today. I have to spend an extra day here due to a surprise routine doctor appointment tomorrow, and the first thing I thought of doing all day was working on my writing. You can see my fear. I fear I wasn’t as serious and invested in my work these past two years. The fact that I brought it on the road with me impulsively must be a shift in my priorities. Or, my productive day yesterday cleared so many obstacles and worries out of my way, that I am free to get down to real business and get the first book submitted.
One little unplanned action caused a major shift in attitude, intention, and confidence. I’m going to chalk it up to positive growth, kickstarted by the time change. I continue to feel changed for the better by the change, instead of plunging into the usual discombobulated state time changes bring.
How about you? Have you found yourself doing something that you hadn’t intended to do lately? What could it mean? A positive change? A new direction?
When you want to change, you make a decision.
And so, as another day goes by, it is now 4 o’clock when it’s supposed to be 5, I drove to NY to vote today, this is certainly a week of change, and…I have written.
November 5th, 2012 Both yesterday and today I was up and out of bed at 5 am due to the time change. This is not so unusual. It's happens to a lot of us, but today, for me, it was as if someone flipped a switch when they pushed that daylight savings time button. I started in on my budget for November before 6am without breakfast. I took a short oatmeal break at 7 am and by 12:30 pm I had my budget done for all of 2013! No, I really mean done. Each month on one page, complete with money in, money out, extras accounted for, all hole punched and filed in a notebook. There's even a red pen tucked in the folder pocket to check off each item as it gets paid. Paying isn't the only thing I accomplished. I also know how much I'm going have in savings by December 2013. No, you don't understand – I usually don't know where that money goes that's supposed to go into that savings account.(Or maybe you DO understand). By 12:30 pm today every cent I get in 2013 is accounted for. I'm not sure I know how to live this way, but I'm willing to give it shot. It's like having google maps for my checkbook.
After that I tackled the college loans. I thought it was about time I organized them and knew exactly what each kid owes and what web site and passwords to use to get that info. I threw away a whole filing cabinet of student loan correspondence. I didn't think I needed the original FAFSA application from 1999 when the first kid went off to college. By 3 pm all the loans are condensed into a one page snapshot and all forms are in a folder on my desktop, where, my dear children, you have easy access to your info. This is even more amazing than my 2013 budget.
If that isn't enough, by 7 pm I resurrected a web site I started a long time ago for my little Cape Cod business. Last March I set up a web site and opened a local business where I teach. In fact, it's called "iTeach". It's a place where Cape Codders can go to get help with blogging, social media, and young authors workshops for their kids. I spend a lot of time helping people and children with these skills, so
last spring it dawned on me that that is another one of my retirement
jobs. So, Cape Cod friends, if I can be of assistance, visit my site! I then used my "widget and what's it" skills learned through my blog challenge to post it over there on the left. See it? Even if you don't live on Cape Cod, click on it and give me a pat on the back. Pretty good isn't it? 🙂 It only took 56 minutes to figure out I needed a . between the words default and html in the html code AFTER I built the widget. I know! Amazing, right?
By then it was 7:30pm and I needed dinner. Lunch never made it into the picture. As a matter of fact, a lot of things didn't make it into the picture today. No yoga. No fit club. No morning pages. No meditation time. No newspaper and noon news/tv time. Why, I actually think I took a day off from my life today. The energy level was (and still is) incredible. I feel like when the time change switch was pulled, the universe catapulted me into a new space and time. It was exhilarating. I haven't been this organized and felt so accomplished in such a long, long time. In fact, when I moved three years ago was the last time I felt like this. If this is "time change" I'm all for it.
How did the time change change you?
And so, as another day goes by, it's time to relax with some Voice on TV (Bryan Keith is my pick for the winner since the blind auditions), I hope this time change stuff continues 'til April, and….I have written.
November 4th, 2012 This, from Julia Cameron:
“It is my belief that any regular practice is a good practice. It is my belief that if you bicycle, it will teach you. If you walk, it will teach you. If you bake or write poems, it will teach you. What will teach you is the “it” that you do because that “it” is doing you: doing you a favor, doing you a service, doing you a good turn, a grace, a job.”
It doesn’t really matter what your own particular “it” is. The key word is regular. Whatever it is you do, if you do it regularly, you are able to form generalities that can be compared. You can note improvements and differences. You can monitor growth that builds upon previous skills. You can watch yourself change and feel yourself grow. Without regularity this wouldn’t be possible.
You have to be careful though, because it can work against you. The bad things you do regularly will work to tear you down. You can feel yourself lose things you should be gaining and gain things you should be losing. In either case, it’s the regularity that causes any change at all.
I have always believed that it’s what you do everyday that counts and makes the differences in our lives – good or bad. Fill in this blank: I ______ regularly. I have seen changes in_______. Are your changes positive or negative? Make your life better by examining the things you do everyday and consider the changes they cause in you. Consider things like diet, exercise, meditation, hobbies, art, writing, cooking, gardening, running, walking the dog, drinking, medication, sleeping, sitting, watching TV, computer time, working, etc. Want to change yourself in some way? Tweak your life by changing whatever it is you do regularly – that’s where the force of true change lies.
And so, as another day goes by, ignite positive change with the little “its” you do everyday, and….I have written.
November 3rd, 2012 The recent weather escapades left my half acre with about four inches of leaves covering a big part of it. Today was going to be Leaves Day. That's the day every fall my husband and I team up, rake the leaves into piles all over the yard, then rake each pile onto a huge tarp and drag it to the hedgerow to deposit the leaves. People think we're just making a huge hill of leaves, but my husband insists he's making topsoil. About 10 years ago I scoffed at this, but this summer we unearthed beautiful black dirt and redid our entire garden. Guess he is making dirt after all.
While sitting with my morning coffee I glanced out my backdoor and there she was. She was sitting in a pile of leaves beside my patio, smiling right at me. The Leaf Fairy was visiting ME this year. I became giddy with excitement. I really thought she was going to blink her eyes and the leaves would be gone, leaving the day free for something a bit more fun. I was wrong. She just pointed the way to the rakes in the shed, smiled one last time, and bade me farewell. Looks like a long day ahead of us.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a leaf fairy though? And a vacuuming fairy. And a laundry fairy. And a fairy that knows her way around the grocery store. Yes, fairies would be nice – real ones, that know exactly what they are doing. But, alas, we know there's no such thing, so we mere mortals carry on with our mundane tasks.
Fast forward 7 hours. We are now done with Leaves Day. Our yard is clean, vacuumed and picture perfect. We worked together in tandem, half the time on opposite ends of the property, the other half together. The morning spent in solitary raking and rearranging of leaves not only gave me a tremendous workout, but brought peace of mind. As I raked and thought and raked and thought, I began processing hard things that need accepting. Then, the afternoon spent working beside my husband, gave us the chance to talk and process together. Important things happened in our yard today that had nothing to do with leaves. Now the day is over. Wine and dinner are about to be served. Sleep tonight will be relaxed and deeper than its been in weeks.
And so, as another day goes by, now I know why there is no Leaf Fairy…or…maybe…nah, and…I have written.
November 2nd, 2012 Long week. I’m sure some of you can relate. Closing out the season at Seafood Sam’s tonight with the love of my life. Baked seafood platter for two, a Pino Grigio to start and a chocolate martini for dessert…..the BEST way to end a rough and tumble week!
Sometimes we need to kick back, relax, and NOT think. Live in the moment!
And so, as another day goes by, I wish all of you this kind of Friday night, and…I have written.
November 1st, 2012 Today I didn’t have have a single scary thought about going to yoga. I was rested, hydrated, and felt much better than I had all week. My class was awesome. The room was perfect and I performed and executed each pose to the best of my ability without even a stray breath or a thought of taking a knee.
Driving home I felt victorious. I came through whatever changes were being made. I’m back, and could finally move on. Upon arriving home I went about my usual tasks of washing my clothes and sitting down with my protein shake. I had a hair appointment in the late afternoon and was busy planning other things to do around it.
Oops. Finishing my shake and a few glances at the newspaper and I was fast asleep in my chair. I woke up, made coffee and was looking to get on with my day. This wasn’t to be so. Even after the coffee, I just wanted to go back to sleep right up until the time came for me to leave for my hair appointment. I dragged myself there and dragged myself home. My body felt so fatigued and lifeless. I was terribly disappointed to find out that I hadn’t beaten whatever it was I was going through this week, despite the awesome yoga class.
And know what else? I didn’t want to write today. I was pushing this aside all day. Not because I had writer’s block and couldn’t face the blank page. The real reason was because I knew full well what I was going to write about. I was going to write about this awfully hard thing happening to me this week and I just didn’t want to face it. When your a writer by nature, the thing is, if you never write it down, it doesn’t really exist. Once it’s on the page in front of you in black and white you can no longer deny it exists. There it is. Right in front of you. All spelled out nice and neat on the page and …you…have…to…accept…it. I hate those two words. Accept it.
I know what I’m learning this week. I’m learning to accept that which I cannot change. In all seriousness did I really expect to do that in one day? Big, emotional upheavals of the heart take time. Slow and deliberate time. It’s a step forward and then two or three backward. This process does not fit in with my nature. If something needs to be done, I like to do it quick and be done with it, then move on to the next thing. This lesson smells a lot like that serenity prayer which I just plain suck at. I’m great at changing the the things I can, want nothing to do with accepting the things I can’t, and most certainly possess the wisdom to know the difference – but don’t want to accept that, either. My mother had this figured out by the time I was five and used to tell me I was the most stubborn thing she’d ever seen. She knew life was going to be hard for kid like me. And as much as I hate to admit it, she was right. The hardest parts of my life were the parts where I was told no, just plain no. I never bowed my head and faded quietly into the woodwork, but there comes a time when each and every one of us has to learn to accept and let it go.
In the hot room, my wonderful teacher Mark must repeat the words “breath” and “let it go” at least 25 times in each class. Maybe it’s about time I start taking him seriously.
And so, as another day goes by, I don’t know about you, but I’m glad tomorrow’s Friday, and….I have written.
October 31st, 2012 Last night's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad yoga class put the fear of Halloween in my head for tonight's class. I started at two o'clock with maybe I'm eating too much for lunch. I know I didn't drink enough water. I shouldn't attempt this. I had coffee at 4 pm. That definitely means this is not a good idea. I worked out at fit club at noon. This will be too much. At 4:30 I dumped some Herbalife H3O in a bottle of water and told myself I'll be fine.
When I got there, the LOBBY was as hot as the hot room. In the bathroom thoughts of "I shouldn't be here" rang in my brain. I went in and slowly acclimated myself to the room. It was hotter than usual, but the warm-ups and most of the standing series went well. The teacher opened a window almost at the end of the standing series. If only he did that a few poses earlier, I think I would've been fine. The dizzies took over and there was no tree or toe stand for me.
"Thats okay", I told myself as I once again lay calmly on my back, staring at my cross made of four paint dots on the ceiling. While I know the importance of taking care of yourself in hot yoga and never pushing past what is physically possible, still, this wasn't like me and I had to come up with an answer. I thought about what had changed in my life over the past week. Then it dawned on me. I added weight training and cardio at fit club three days a week. This has to be it. Finding the possible answer calmed the monkeys in my mind.
In Bikram yoga, everything you do is taken into account and adaptions are automatically made. Changing eating patterns, stress, medications, and, of course, adding exercise sessions will cause the yoga to break you out of your usual practice and once again change and rearrange everything. I am in a place of breaking down once more. It's important for me not to give up, but to relax and ride the wave and trust the process to put me back together again, even stronger than before. Sound at all familiar?
Life is constantly changing us and God uses situations in our life to sometimes obliterate our world as we know it. Then He helps us pick up the pieces, and put them back together in such a way that we are new, and strong, and see the horizon from a different perspective.
And so, as another Halloween goes by, my pumpkin greets me with a happy grin when I arrive home, I am no longer scared, and …I have written.
|
|
